John Calipari Says He Doesn't Tweet or Know How to Turn on Computers

The following is a hard and fast rule in the world of sports: The less you know about technology, the better you are at coaching.

Those are just the rules, man. The more oblivious you are to new things, the more likely you are to win a championship.

Naturally, this immutable law has led to a new trend—a dadly race to the bottom, where coaches are constantly competing to know the least about things that require electricity. 

Bill Belichick doesn't do the "InstantFace." Mike Shanahan won't make an email account. Bobby Knight's preferred GPS is moss (probably).

But now, we have a new front-runner in the fuddy-duddy decathlon: John Calipari, who is so good at coaching he doesn't even know how to turn on computers.

USA Today's Josh Peter published Calipari's remarks in a story Monday.

Speaking on his estimable social-media presence, the Kentucky Wildcats head coach said he doesn't actively run any of his accounts and can't even start up a computer.

"I'll never have Hillary [Clinton]'s problem," Calipari quipped, in reference to the presidential candidate's use of private, secure email instead of a government address.

"I don't do email. You want to talk to me, call me. If you need it to be private, we'll go in the bathroom and turn on the water. You Italians know what I'm talking about."

As for his Twitter and Facebook accounts, Calipari doesn't directly punch in his words. He's hired people to run his pages and take down the messages he wants to get across.

"I hired people to do Twitter and Facebook," Calipari said. "I know what goes out, but I don't read one tweet coming back, I don't tweet it out, 1.3 million followers."

And then the final flourish: Calipari doesn't deal with computer machines and their newfangled "on" buttons.

"I don't have a computer," Calipari said. "I don't know how to turn on a computer."

This is a slippery slope, guys.

Calipari not knowing how to turn on a computer sets a high bar for coach antiquity. At this rate, we're four months away from Nick Saban telling the media he doesn't know how to read watches. I can hear it now:

"Alabama doesn't cut corners when it comes to keeping time. This is a sundial program. Always has been."

So the bar is set, guys. Which coach will be coach enough to admit his favorite kind of hydration is "hardtack"?

Dan is on the TwitterMachine. Somebody please explain to John what a button is.