Bulls vs. Heat: LeBron James, the Villain

Chicago Sports NoiseContributor IIIMay 19, 2011

CHICAGO, IL - MAY 18:  Derrick Rose #1 of the Chicago Bulls looks on as LeBron James #6 of the Miami Heat stands in the background in Game Two of the Eastern Conference Finals during the 2011 NBA Playoffs on May 18, 2011 at the United Center in Chicago, Illinois. The Heat won 85-75. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement.  (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)
Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

Much like Cruella, Dracula, and Hannibal, the best villains are often recognizable through the utterance of no more than a few syllables.

LeBron falls nothing short of the precedent set forth by his fellow miscreants. Upon hearing his name, loathing arises from the depths of basketball fans' souls from Cleveland to LA (shout out Bone Thugs).

Admittedly, I was worried after the Bulls' triumphant game one victory over the Heat.

Luol and Taj holding LeBron to 5-15 was a plot similar to that of a "Messing with Sasquatch" Jack Link's Beef Jerky commercial. In other words, you just knew that after rattling the possum's cage and taunting him with proposals of dangling meaty flesh outside of his confinement, he would respond with a vengeance.

And, to his credit, he did.

LeBron accounted for nine of the Heat's last 13 points in closing out the Bulls, who seemingly couldn't stop the broad-shouldered bully in transition or in the half-court. He finished with 29 points and 10 rebounds, and with the help of Udonis Haslem, provided America with two of the most unattractive hours of televison since James Durbin and Casey Abrams were voted off of American Idol.

With Dwayne Wade at his side, the dynamic duo has turned from The King and Flash to a modern day Bonnie and Clyde, constantly arousing ill-will from the likes of the basketball world.

Almost always, a great villain holds one trait that is incomparable to other mortals. For Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction , it was relentless persistence (just imagine the things he could do with Facebook at his disposal). For Travis Bickle, the iconic caitiff in Taxi Driver, it was a hideous mohawk and an alarmingly malevolent motive.

For LeBron James, it is the headband that accentuates his receding hairline and a set of shoulders fit for a centaur. Along with these, his innate strength in bulldozing through the three-second lane is a skill unmatched by any basketball player. Ever.

If the Bulls are to make this Eastern Conference Finals a Disney cliche in which the antagonist stands tall at the duel's conclusion, they are going to have to derail a menacing locomotive that comes in the form of a 6'9'' 245 lb. behemoth.

In order to be the best, you have to beat the best, or impulsively bribe Delonte West to sleep with his mother.

As for Pick of the Day, the Pulse Man failed to predict Dirk's 49-point performance in game one of the Western Conference Finals and missed covering the UNDER by a good 40 points. No worries. For the weekend, the Pulse Man likes the OVER in game three of the Bulls/Heat series that has preliminarily set at 178.5.

Pick of the Day: Bulls @ Heat, total points 178.5- OVER


Now I'm done. Rack me


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