5 Sports Jerseys You Better Not Get Caught Wearing in Public

Washington's BulletContributor IIApril 14, 2011

5 Sports Jerseys You Better Not Get Caught Wearing in Public

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    Remember this guy?Tom Hauck/Getty Images

    Sports fans love wearing jerseys.  It comes with the territory.  We love the players on the field or court and want to support them, so we proudly wear their jersey. 

    In some ways it is kind of childish.  For similar reasons that a five-year-old might put on Spider-Man pajamas before he goes to bed, we proudly don our newly acquired John Wall jersey or our throwback Bill Russell. 

    However, in the honorable quest to own the sweetest and most desirable jerseys out there we all sometimes make a few mistakes. 

    According to Forbes, the best selling jersey of all time belongs to underachieving Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.  Approximately half a million of them have been sold since he was first drafted in 2003.  If that is true, then let’s admit that we are not perfect.

    This begs the question, which jerseys are the least desirable?  Which ones would you never be caught wearing out at a bar or at a game?

    The list could easily be a hundred and a half pages long.

    For a variety of reasons notorious notables such as Jayson Williams, Michael Irvin, Bill Buckner, Scott Norwood, Ryan Leaf, Leonard Little, Pacman Jones, Pete Rose, Mark McGuire, OJ Simpson, Lawrence Phillips, Cornell Green, Tank Johnson were all difficult to leave off of the list.   

    In addition, guys like Lance Rentzel would easily make this list if he were a little more recognizable or popular.  After all, who wants to wear a jersey celebrating a guy who exposes himself to little girls at the playground?  

    Not me, probably not anybody.

    For the sake of brevity, let's keep it to the top five exceptionally embarrassing jerseys.

    The following is a short list of the top five jerseys that you should never be caught dead wearing out in public.  

5. Stephon Marbury Knicks Jersey

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    Mike Stobe/Getty Images

    "They tryin' to put me in a box."

    Will another player ever hold an entire franchise for financial hostage, eat Vaseline, and embarrassingly and homoerotically lifecast himself?  

    Probably not.  

    Hopefully not.  

4. Lawrence Taylor Giants Jersey

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    Ken Levine/Getty Images

    Lawrence Taylor's work on the gridiron was nothing short of brilliant.

    In Oliver Stone's Any Given Sunday, on The Sopranos, and in WrestleMania XI when he demolished Bam Bam Bigelow, he was equally fantastic. 

    Regretfully, this great body of work is not enough to make up for paying a 16-year-old $300 for sex in a hotel room.  

    His name has become better suited for the national sex offender list than the back of a jersey.

    Also, crack. 

3. Kwame Brown Wizards Jersey

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    Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

    This one is personal.

    When Michael Jordan and the Washington Wizards decided to draft the 6-foot-11 inch, 270-pound Kwame Brown with the first pick in the 2001 NBA draft, there was a serious buzz in Washington.  

    Under the guidance of Michael Jordan, Kwame was supposed to be the center of the future and the centerpiece of the team.  

    How could a man with the body of Adonis possibly turn into a bust?  

    Really small baby hands.  That's how.

    When Kwame was drafted, I immediately ran out and bought a jersey.  Now it hangs in my closet only because no one will buy it on E-Bay.

    Still taking offers.  

2. Barry Bonds Giants Jersey

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    Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

    He lied to a grand jury.  He has obviously been on steroids forever.  His former mistress recently made it public information that he can't "step up to the plate."

    On top of this, the guy is angry all the time and virtually devoid of personality.

    Don't get caught wearing a Bonds jersey. 

1. Michael Jackson U.S. Soccer Jersey

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    Seriously?  Is this for real?  

    I would have loved to have been at the meeting where someone decided that this was a good idea; this is perhaps the worst-looking jersey of all time.  

    I challenge anyone to find me a worse-looking jersey and I will find it, wear it, and make it my user picture.

    Fortunately, I'm not too worried, because it doesn't exist.