5 Sports Jerseys You Better Not Get Caught Wearing in Public

Sports fans love wearing jerseys.  It comes with the territory.  We love the players on the field or court and want to support them, so we proudly wear their jersey. 

In some ways it is kind of childish.  For similar reasons that a five-year-old might put on Spider-Man pajamas before he goes to bed, we proudly don our newly acquired John Wall jersey or our throwback Bill Russell. 

However, in the honorable quest to own the sweetest and most desirable jerseys out there we all sometimes make a few mistakes. 

According to Forbes, the best selling jersey of all time belongs to underachieving Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo.  Approximately half a million of them have been sold since he was first drafted in 2003.  If that is true, then let’s admit that we are not perfect.

This begs the question, which jerseys are the least desirable?  Which ones would you never be caught wearing out at a bar or at a game?

The list could easily be a hundred and a half pages long.

For a variety of reasons notorious notables such as Jayson Williams, Michael Irvin, Bill Buckner, Scott Norwood, Ryan Leaf, Leonard Little, Pacman Jones, Pete Rose, Mark McGuire, OJ Simpson, Lawrence Phillips, Cornell Green, Tank Johnson were all difficult to leave off of the list.   

In addition, guys like Lance Rentzel would easily make this list if he were a little more recognizable or popular.  After all, who wants to wear a jersey celebrating a guy who exposes himself to little girls at the playground?  

Not me, probably not anybody.

For the sake of brevity, let's keep it to the top five exceptionally embarrassing jerseys.

The following is a short list of the top five jerseys that you should never be caught dead wearing out in public.  

5. Stephon Marbury Knicks Jersey

Mike Stobe/Getty Images

NEW YORK - MAY 13: Knicks guard Stephon Marbury speaks to the media during a press conference to introduce Mike D'Antoni (not shown) as the New York Knicks new head coach on May 13, 2008 at Madison Square Garden in New York City. NOTE TO USER: User expr

"They tryin' to put me in a box."

Will another player ever hold an entire franchise for financial hostage, eat Vaseline, and embarrassingly and homoerotically lifecast himself?  

Probably not.  

Hopefully not.  

4. Lawrence Taylor Giants Jersey

Ken Levine/Getty Images

4 SEP 1992: NEW YORK GIANTS LINEBACKER LAWRENCE TAYLOR RELAXES BEFORE THEIR 13-10 WIN OVER THE LOS ANGELES RAIDERS AT THE LOS ANGELESCOLISEUM IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA. Mandatory Credit: Ken Levine/ALLSPORT

Lawrence Taylor's work on the gridiron was nothing short of brilliant.

In Oliver Stone's Any Given Sunday, on The Sopranos, and in WrestleMania XI when he demolished Bam Bam Bigelow, he was equally fantastic. 

Regretfully, this great body of work is not enough to make up for paying a 16-year-old $300 for sex in a hotel room.  

His name has become better suited for the national sex offender list than the back of a jersey.

Also, crack. 

3. Kwame Brown Wizards Jersey

Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

WASHINGTON - MARCH 3: Kwame Brown #5 of the Washington Wizards grabs his ankle after an awkward landing during fourth quarter action on March 3, 2004 at the MCI Center in Washington, DC. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by dow

This one is personal.

When Michael Jordan and the Washington Wizards decided to draft the 6-foot-11 inch, 270-pound Kwame Brown with the first pick in the 2001 NBA draft, there was a serious buzz in Washington.  

Under the guidance of Michael Jordan, Kwame was supposed to be the center of the future and the centerpiece of the team.  

How could a man with the body of Adonis possibly turn into a bust?  

Really small baby hands.  That's how.

When Kwame was drafted, I immediately ran out and bought a jersey.  Now it hangs in my closet only because no one will buy it on E-Bay.

Still taking offers.  

2. Barry Bonds Giants Jersey

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - MARCH 29: Former Major League Baseball player Barry Bonds arrives at federal court for his perjury trial on March 29, 2011 in San Francisco, California. Barry Bonds' perjury trial accusing him of lying to a grand jury about his use of

He lied to a grand jury.  He has obviously been on steroids forever.  His former mistress recently made it public information that he can't "step up to the plate."

On top of this, the guy is angry all the time and virtually devoid of personality.

Don't get caught wearing a Bonds jersey. 

1. Michael Jackson U.S. Soccer Jersey

Seriously?  Is this for real?  

I would have loved to have been at the meeting where someone decided that this was a good idea; this is perhaps the worst-looking jersey of all time.  

I challenge anyone to find me a worse-looking jersey and I will find it, wear it, and make it my user picture.

Fortunately, I'm not too worried, because it doesn't exist.