Bolshoi the Boxer Discovers the Ego (Satire): Kevin Pietersen, Brylcreem Hero

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Bolshoi the Boxer Discovers the Ego (Satire): Kevin Pietersen, Brylcreem Hero
Bolshoi The Boxer

My dog, Bolshoi The Boxer, asked me this morning: “Am I egoistic? Do I have a large ego?”

“What makes you think that? Has someone said something to you? Have you had another fight with Botox?”

Botox, the Pekingese, is Bolshoi’s girlfriend; Bolshoi, however, takes umbrage at being termed her boyfriend.

“I have been reading an article about Yuvraj Singh ranked among the top ten egos in sport this year by the British newspaper, the Daily Telegraph.

 “Is that so? That must be some list.” I feign ignorance.

Kevin Pietersen is the other cricketer in the top 10. He’s been called "the walking ego" by Shane Warne.”

“Hmm.” I drum my fingers.

“I was wondering if there is a Top 10 list for dogs. Surely, I will not be on that list. I am quite modest.” Bolshoi is at his most self-effacing.

“Bolshoi, ostentatiousness and you are on the same side of a very long pole. You may not have a massive ego, but you are far from being a paragon of humility.”

“In fact, I can now term our strolls ‘walking the ego’.” I add mockingly utilizing the Pietersen analogy.

“You can vent your sarcasm on me, but I assure you it’s like water off a duck’s back. Your petty comments shall not bestir me to retaliate in kind.” Bolshoi is quick on the uptake.

Neil Mockford/Getty Images
Kevin Pietersen: The Brylcreem Boy

I decide to puncture his unctuousness.

“Bolshoi, do you or do you not consider yourself ‘The Special One’?”

“I am the one and only Bolshoi of my kind.”

“Are you not fast, handsome and pretty?”

“That, I sure am.”

“Are you not the best golfer who hasn’t yet played the game?”

“Sure, I can be good at whatever I do and especially at what I’ve not done yet.”

“Do you not hate water and baths?”

“Like any self-respecting hound, I do.”

“Bolshoi, what can I say? You do have a king-size ego. You match each of the sportspersons on that list, in some respect,in some aspect.”

I can sometimes twist the facts to fit a theory.

“Then how come it’s Pietersen and not me endorsing Brylcreem?  I have much better locks than him.” Bolshoi wears a vexed look.

Bolshoi has bought my postulate—hook, line and sinker; no caveat emptor for him.

Julian Herbert/Getty Images
Yuvraj Singh: King-size ego!

“Bolshoi, I have no answer to that perplexing  query. ”

I take cover under my newspaper lest Bolshoi note the distinct gleeful expression on my countenance.

“You never do. I am going to create my own list of canInes with huge I’s and present them to interested parties. All narcissistic curs, in my opinion, should be sponsored. Who else will buy or plumb for the manufacturer’s manufactured jazz?”

Bolshoi needs no encouragement to establish the virtue of a perceived vice.

Quote of the day: 
Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them. – Robertson Davies

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