Did you really think I would land a sit-down interview with Al Davis? Yeaaa...no.
Look, I don't get it, either.
Anyway, I'm going to imagine what a sit-down interview with Al Davis would be like.
Me: So, Al, thanks for sitting down with us.
Al Davis: Well, it's not like I can get up...sooo what the #?$%—wait, is this cable? Can I say what the #?$%?
Me: Whoa, sir. No, you can't. I'd get fired...if I had a job in the first place. Anyway, what are you going to do with Tom Cable?
AD: Wait! Didn't we go over this cable stuff?
Me: No, I meant T-o-m Cable. Your head coach. Are you going to keep him or fire him?
AD: I am going to fire him...probably. I forgot—I mean, I haven't made a decision yet. It's a tough one. After all, we only won five games again.
Me: Can you give me a timetable on when you will make the decision?
AD: Probably, in two days to two months.
Me: Who are you considering drafting this April?
AD: Uhh...Well, I've been thinking about Carlos Dunlap or Taylor Mays. Now those are great players. Sure, Dunlap and Mays had poor junior and senior seasons, but look at them run.
Me: Stop drooling, Al. Do you need a tissue?
AD: No, no, I'm fine.
Me: My final question: When will the Raiders be back in the playoffs?
AD: I can't answer that question.
Me: I'm pretty sure you'll still be alive when and if it happens.
AD: What I mean is that it's classified information, son...Well, I'm going to take a nap.
So I hope that you found that humorous. And if you didn't, well, I don't think I'm allowed to force you.