8 Challenges to Set Yourself Before the World Cup Starts

With just three weeks to go until the 2018 World Cup gets under way, it's time to get serious.  

Both physically and mentally, a World Cup is a marathon and not a sprint. As such, mind and body have to be as one.

We have devised eight pre-World Cup challenges to ensure you are in prime condition for Russia. Complete them all by June 14 and you'll be more ripped and ready for action than Vladimir Putin riding a horse to Moscow bareback.

Arm yourself with a catalogue of boring/insightful pub facts

It's all in the telling. A dry delivery of a little-known fact or trivia exposes the truth.

You have researched your pub chat and are essentially a loser. The key is to make knowledge sound organic. Let's start at the beginning with June 14's World Cup opener, when host nation Russia play Saudi Arabia. 

To inform your drinking brethren this is the first time in World Cup history the opening game has been played between the two lowest-ranking sides in the competition (Russia are 66th in FIFA's rankings, Saudi Arabia 67th) would elicit little more than an eye-roll.

Instead, frame it more as a Joycean stream of consciousness: "Not the sexiest of openers...aren't Saudi Arabia the lowest-ranked team in it...bet Russia aren't much higher...in fact, has there ever been an opener with two less-fancied sides...I'd guess not."

Cue a frenzied round of Googling, before, on learning of the preordained truth, you are hoisted onto the shoulders of your comrades as if you had just scored the winner in the final.

For one afternoon only, you would be Mario Gotze—with a beer belly. Or alternatively, they'll roll their eyes. Still, it's worth a shot.

Here are a few more starters for 10 to adapt, largely per Opta.  

• Germany's Thomas Muller has the most World Cup goals (10) and assists (six) of any other player out in Russia.
• Every World Cup-winning coach has been the same nationality as his team.
• Brazil has had the most red cards in the history of the competition (11), with Argentina (10) and Uruguay (nine) not far behind. 
• Cristiano Ronaldo contributed to 18 of Portugal's goals in qualifying (15 goals, three assists), more than any other player heading to Russia.
• The only people allowed to touch the World Cup are previous winners or heads of states.
• The 1,500 miles that separate Russia's most eastern host city (Kaliningrad) from its most western (Ekaterinburg) is roughly the same distance as between Moscow and London.

Complete the Panini sticker book

According to a maths professor in Cardiff, completing this year's Panini World Cup sticker book will cost collectors £773.60. Last year, the cheapest season ticket at Barcelona was £167. 

Professor Paul Harper's formula suggests, due to the probability of getting swaps, some 967 packets (at 80 pence per pack) or 4,832 stickers would need to be purchased to acquire all of the 682 needed to complete the book. By swapping duplicates among friend networks of 10, he believes that cost could be reduced to £250 per head. The minimum spend, with no duplicates whatsoever, would be £109.60.

One likes to imagine he arrived at those numbers after working through the night chalking a blackboard with indecipherable equations, like Matt Damon's character in Good Will Hunting.

Professor Killjoy Harper said: "Filling an album has become progressively more expensive over the years since then, not just because there are typically more teams competing now, but because Panini has become more creative about allocating spaces."

Even withstanding the fact it will likely require the sale of a vital organ on the black market to fund the completion of an album—perhaps a kidney could be swapped for a surplus of shinies—there can be few greater sensations in life than to find nestled in a pack of five the portrait of South Korean third-choice goalkeeper Cho Hyun-woo that you need to complete the Holy Grail.

The only album I've completed was for Italia '90. A week before the tournament got under way, my dog ate it. I'm still seeing a psychiatrist about the incident now. If I had paid £773.60 to complete it, I would have been tempted to have sold the dog to recoup it. 

An alternative to Panini, quite literally, is the Alternative World Cup Sticker Album 2018, published by the Switzerland-based Tschutti Heftli (Swiss-German for "footy zine") society. Rather than go with the traditional player mugshots, illustrators, artists and graphic designers have been given free rein. There are 530 stickers to collect and it's a thing of real beauty.

#GotGotNeed #SwapYouMyHouseForBryanRuiz

Adopt a 2nd team (or a 1st team if your country didn't qualify—sorry, United States)

In Flaubert's Parrot, the English novelist Julian Barnes wrote: "A pier is a disappointed bridge; yet stare at it for long enough and you can dream it to the other side of the Channel."

That's a fine rumination to take into a tournament when your homeland is a rank outsider, but the problem arises when invariably it walks off the pier at the group stage and quickly realises the water is bloody freezing. You spend the rest of the tournament replete with a rictus grin, like the only singleton at a wedding who can't help but ponder what went wrong.

Greece at Euro 2004 and Portugal at the last European Championship proved hope springs eternal. And as a safety net, it's advisable to give at least a little piece of your heart to a rival nation.

When adopting a second team, it's all about the gut. The reasoning behind your decision to apply for dual-citizenship can be as tenuous, opaque or fatuous as humanely possible. Preferably all three.

I've always had a soft spot for the Danes. Largely on the grounds I like their furniture, often holiday in Copenhagen and Hummel make lovely kits.

Save for the glorious period when the Laudrup brothers were proving to be arguably the greatest pair of siblings the game has produced (their hair game certainly trumped the Charlton brothers'), Denmark have often played an uncouth brand of football sniffed at by global peers.

Variety is the spice of life, and this Denmark diehard likes his football with rough edges. A dyed-in-the-wool Japanophile, I'll also be rooting for Akira Nishino's side. 

In Russia, it will be hard not to have a soft spot for the tournament's smallest nation, Iceland (334,000 inhabitants compared to the hosts' 144.3 million), along with fellow debutants Panama, the only country in the world to have a rainforest within its capital city.

After a 36-year absence from the finals, and with a white kit that houses a red sash that dreams are made of, Peru should garner more than its share of goodwill, too.

Given Liverpool often sees itself as an outsider city in England, geographically and politically, a fair number of Anfield regulars will probably be rooting for Egypt, Brazil and Senegal as much as they are Gareth Southgate's side. Perhaps only the inclusion of Trent-Alexander Arnold in his 23-man squad prevents an all-out boycott. 

Expect club biases to be influential across all nations. They are likely to be deciding factors for the neutral above and beyond sociological and geographical leanings.

Find out whether quietly great players on FIFA are actually any good in real life

There will be many a sage head nodding earnestly before mouthing "good player" when TV commentators mention any of Hirving Lozano, Leon Goretzka, Ricardo Pereira or Jonathan Tah as starting for their respective countries.

For the FIFA generation, these are very much golden boys; to the uninitiated eye, they may have perhaps sneaked under the radar.

Are they as good when not directed via a controller? Though they have all enjoyed sparkling domestic campaigns, I must confess that since giving up my PSV Eindhoven season ticket, it's been a while since I've observed Lozano tearing up the Eredivisie. 

It would be disingenuous to label any of them "the new Cherno Samba," but those of us of a certain vintage will understand the implication.

Learn a new language

It is often said football is a universal language, usually by Brits who think the key to international discourse is to speak a bit slower and a lot louder—in English.

Having had a cursory look at Russian and arrived at the conclusion the letters look too hard to decipher, let alone the language, here is a smattering of handy football phrases from across the globe with their translations.  

Spain

Pintalo de amarillo: "Paint him yellow," when asking for a player to be cautioned. 

Armario: Wardrobe, as denotes strapping centre-halves of the type Southgate isn't a fan of. Think Giorgio Chiellini. 

Vaya pepinazo!: Translates as "great big cucumber" (no jokes please), which is used to describe curlers from long range.                  

Germany

Turniermannschaft: Tournament squad, i.e. one that gets the job done when things start to get serious. No one does it better than the Germans.

Raumdeuter: "Space interpreter" or "space investigator," as used to describe Thomas Muller's unique ability to find space no one else knows is there. At 6'1", Muller could probably find a way to stand up in a matchstick box. 

France

Aux chiottes, arbitre!: "To the toilet, referee," which seems self-explanatory enough. 

Peru

Amarrabola: A player who likes to show the ball a lot of love. In other cultures, he would be referred to as a greedy sod. 

Brazil

Foi comprar pao: "He went to buy bread," which is used when a defender is humiliated after being tricked by an opponent player.

Onde a coruja dorme: "Where the owl sleeps," when referring to the corner of the goal. 

Ele tem maos de alface: When lamenting a goalkeeper with lettuce hands.

Drible da vaca/meia-lua: A cow's dribble or half moon, which is used to describe the dying art of knocking the ball around one side of a defender and running around the other to collect it. 

England

Knock it: The English phrase used after tedium sets in after three successful completed passes.

Fill your fridge with a beer from every nation

There's a reason why fridges often come with their own postcodes.

Given the World Cup comes just once every four years, this is no time for penny-pinching on the beverage front. With 64 matches to be played in just under a month, that's a minimum of 5,760 minutes of football (excluding extra-time in the knockout stages). No one wants to drink British lager for 5,760 minutes.

Instead, let the World Cup be an education for the palate. Peru versus Denmark on June 16 may not set the pulse racing (it does mine), but pitting a craft ale from Danish brewing maestros Mikkeller against a crisp, still-wet-from-the-fridge bottle of Peruvian staple Cusquena would have even the most learned pundits arguing into the night.

What could be more fun than watching Roy Keane and Mark Pougatch or the Men in Blazers getting into a headlock for suggesting Japanese hipster tipple Hitachino Nest White Ale trumps Boddingtons Bitter? Nothing. 

It may cost more to import the beers below than to complete a Panini album, but for those of us still nursing psychological sticker scars, it may prove to be a more enjoyable World Cup sideline.

Brazil: Brahma Premium Lager
Germany: Hacker-Pschorr Oktoberfest Marzen
Argentina: Quilmes
Australia: Pirate Life Pale Ale
Belgium: Duvel Golden Ale
Colombia: Club Colombia
Costa Rica: Imperial 
Croatia: Nova Runda C4
Denmark: Mikkeller Windy Hill Hazy IPA
Egypt: Stella Local
England: North Brewing Co. Sputnik 
France: Kronenbourg 1664
Iceland: Einstok Pale Ale
Iran: N/A
Japan: Hitachino Nest White Ale
Morocco: Casablanca
Nigeria: Star Lager
Panama: Bloodshed Red Ale
Peru: Cusquena
Poland: Tyskie Lager
Portugal: Sagres 
Saudi Arabia: N/A
Senegal: 33 Export
Serbia: Black Turtle
South Korea: Wild Wave Surleim
Spain: Garage Beer Co Soup IPA
Sweden: Omnipollo Mazarin
Switzerland: Ittinger Amber Ale
Tunisia: 33 Extra Dry
Uruguay: Pilsen Lager

Acquire a deaf cat

Beer World Cups and completed Panini albums won't pay for themselves.

Knowing tidbits such as Tim Cahill has scored 45 per cent of Australia's World Cup goals (five of 11); none of Spain's last 14 World Cup matches have ended in a draw; Belgium's last eight WC goals came after the 70th minute; Sweden have kept a clean sheet in just three of their last 24 WC matches, and that all of Denmark's 27 WC goals in total were scored inside the box (Christian Eriksen may well break that sequence) could all help in making the right kind of bets pay.

However, the key to having a happy summer of punting is being able to call on an animal to predict the big games.

Ever since Germany's Paul the Octopus correctly called the outcome of 12 out of 14 matches at the 2010 World Cup, it has become tradition for the world to lose its collective mind in paying attention to what animals anticipate will happen across various sporting events.

Many have said Paul just got lucky, but given he died just a few months after the World Cup, that's a moot point.

In Russia, it is the turn of Achilles, a deaf cat who has free rein at a St. Petersburg museum, to turn his paw to punting.

Apparently he correctly predicted the results of all but one game at last year's FIFA Confederations Cup, though whether he can make the step up in class is the burning question.

I bet Paul the Octopus would have known, God rest his soul.

Get yourself kitted out

Whether your style is high couture or preferably understated to the point of being invisible, this summer's veritable treasure trove of World Cup kits has something for everyone.

Explaining what makes a kit good invariably ends up sounding almost academic, such as when a joke is deconstructed to work out why it worked. Where's the fun in that?

To that end, here's my personal top three in no particular order.