NBA: 3 Ways Dwight Howard Could Screw Up His Situation Even Worse
I realize suggesting poor decisions to Dwight Howard is like trying to give Donald Trump financial advice. Both are such pros in their respective fields that it's hard to provide them with ideas they haven't already thought of.
Just look at the past few months, and it's clear that Howard is practically a savant when it comes to boneheaded decisions. He created a complete circus in Orlando by demanding a trade last spring, then retracting it and then demanding it again.
He went to management and asked that his coach be fired, but then put his arm around him while that same coach was fielding questions about whether Howard wanted him fired. Confusing? Ugly? Awkward? Yes to all three.
Ultimately, Howard exercised his player option in order to stay in Orlando. This was a particularly terrible decision, even for Howard. He'd alienated his teammates, his coach and just about the entire city of Orlando. And he decided to play out the season. Well, until he shut it down and had back surgery.
Now Howard's made it known that no matter which team he ends up on this offseason—assuming anyone even wants to put up with him at this point—he won't sign an extension. Great move, Dwight. Now who's going to want to pay full price for you? This latest blunder of Howard's is the flat-out dumbest of all. He's made the already difficult task of trading him virtually impossible for the Magic.
So there's a brief and impressive history of Howard's series of unfortunate decisions. Just for fun, here are three more blunders he could make that would actually make his awful reputation even worse.
Vow to Only Play Games on Tuesdays
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Sure, it sounds crazy. But coming from a guy who demands to be traded, but then promises to any team he ends up on that he won't sign an extension? Not so crazy.
Just think of it: Howard would play once a week, and he'd stay fresh for his impending offseason of free agency. It's a great way to minimize his risk of injury while also allowing him more time to add to his glasses collection.
He'd be free, for six days a week, to awkwardly crash other coaches' press conferences. What team wouldn't want to trade for a guy who they'd only have to worry about four times a month?
And what about the weeks in which his new team didn't play games on Tuesdays? Well, that's just part of the risk you have to assume when you decide to trade for Howard. Better consult the schedule.
Demand His New Team to Also Sign Nate Robinson and Clone Him
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Imagine it! Howard and four Nate Robinsons running around the floor together. It would be magical and like a really weird circus. Every field goal would be a dunk that involved Howard tossing little Nate Robinsons all over the place. There would probably be capes, too.
They could use the green ball from the dunk contest that Robinson stole from Howard and come up with lots of weird alley-oops to try out during games.
Most of all, Howard would look huge out on the floor—like a giant, even. We know he loves to be the center of attention. What better way to do that than to literally shrink your other four teammates?
Refuse to Accept a Trade to Any Team Unless Stan Van Gundy Is Hired as Coach
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How could things get any more awkward? If Howard refused to play for a team unless Stan Van Gundy was running the show, all the drama and ridiculousness would be built right in!
Howard could undermine his new/old coach right from the start and force him out on his own time.
Any time that Van Gundy held a press conference, Howard could wait in the wings and crash the thing at the worst possible moments. He clearly likes awkwardness—why not just start awkward and stay awkward.
The truth is, it's really hard to imagine how Dwight Howard could make himself more untradeable, less likeable and less respected. He'll have to come up with some pretty awful and ridiculous ideas to top himself. Who knows, Howard might top my suggestions on his own.
After all, he's a professional when it comes to screwing up his situation.