Let me tell you a thing about embarrassment.
Embarrassment is not, for example, simply farting. Embarrassment is farting in front of your entire fifth-grade class on movie day when the lights are out and everyone is silent.
...That, uh, happened to a friend of mine.
What makes something like that so funny, is not that it happened, but that it happened when someone was there to witness it.
The same can be said, then, of the most embarrassing MLB photos of all time. It's not necessarily that they were embarrassing moments in themselves, but it's that someone was there to take a picture of it when it happened.
And for that, we most thoroughly thank them.
Submitted for your amusement are the most embarrassing MLB photos ever!
If I missed some good ones, post a link in the comments section below or e-mail me the link and I'll add a slide with your additions.
To be fair, Japanese culture is certainly different from American culture—particularly in terms of gender representations. Thus, there must be some leeway given to Yu Darvish for this picture of his pulling a tank top over his head.
I'm not sure exactly why this photo feels so embarrassing, but maybe it's because it's reminiscent of a little kid's reaction after going big-boy potty for the first time. Or is it Darvish's boyish figure? Or is it the way he embodies feminine coquettish-ness in one look?
Whatever it is, despite the cultural gap, it's got to be embarrassing.
Okay, so he dropped the partial nudity and scant clothing, but there's still something about Yu Darvish's lusty stare and Final Fantasy-esque haircut that gives me the willies.
Ah, geez. Okay, one more.
Me too, Bert. Me too.
Be that as it may, I'm not sure I'd ever want to sport a t-shirt that broadcasts as much. But you got to hand it to the old Hall of Famer: he knows how to take a stand.
I'm breaking the rules here a bit.
The infamous Steve Lyons pants drop cannot be wholly captured in one clean snapshot, but when it comes to embarrassment on a baseball field, this has to come to mind quickly.
I understand the necessity for human hygiene. It's certainly not always the prettiest process.
But if you're Bud Selig, grand chancellor of all that is baseball, can't you find a restroom? Or just let that pointy booger stand for a few more minutes?
Manny Ramirez gets a pass, however.
Sure, he is picking his nose just like Bud Selig, you and I do, but it's just Manny being Manny, right? Right?
Good god, he's got his finger all the way to the knuckle up there!
Again, this is not a true picture, but to truly appreciate the embarrassment of this moment, it must be reviewed in full motion.
To make matters worse, Barack Obama's predecessor, George W. Bush, always threw the baseball like a champ.
With that in mind, I say the following with the utmost respect for the leader of the free world: Stick to basketball, Mr. President, and, uh, work on that windup.
Thus begins the Alex Rodriguez section of our show.
Maybe this photo isn't quite embarrassing enough to warrant placement, but missing is the equally bush-league look we've seen from A-Rod before. Oh, come on, you know what I'm talking about.
It's that "Who me?" look he likes to employ when he calls off fielders about to catch pop flies and when he runs over opposing pitchers' mounds "on accident."
Grow up, kid.
Sure, Alex Rodriguez is a handsome guy. I'm secure enough in my masculinity to admit it.
But, really, this is just a bit much!
While this is not the real (ahem, alleged) custom painting of Alex Rodriguez as a mythical centaur hanging inside the living room of his New York home, this artist rendering certainly captures the spirit of that (surely) exquisite work of art.
I can't wait for the real one to surface one day. Please, please, oh please, let it be real!
This is not Manny being Manny as we would like to remember him, and therefore, ranks up there as very embarrassing for the former MLB slugger.
I wouldn't exactly classify this photo as embarrassing for Bobby Valentine himself. After all, he had to have known he was going to be spotted in his incognito mustache-and- glasses kit.
Still, for a professional MLB manager, after being ejected from a real game, I'm not sure how this scenario isn't embarrassing—even if it was meant as a joke.
By the way, I always wondered where he got the get-up so quickly. Did they just have fake mustaches lying around the Mets locker room?
Why Slammin' Sammy Sosa ever tried to replicate Michael Jackson's bizarre skin change is beyond me.
Perhaps even more puzzling, is how he ever got it to change back to his original tone shortly after these photos surfaced. I guess Sosa got the message that people noticed.
Who knew Randy Johnson had a sense of humor?
I'm not sure what's going on in this photo, but suffice it to say I think it's the last joke the world has on record from the Big Unit.
Randy, we all like you better as the hot-headed hurler who obliterated a seagull with your 98-mph heater. Let's leave the prancing poses to the funny guys.
Fans are not exempt from the most embarrassing photos archive.
This Philadelphia Phillies fan made a complete idiot of himself on a nationally broadcast game. I bet he can't wait to show the video of "Papa getting tasered" to his kids in 10 years.
Oh, come on! Who doesn't feel bad for Steve Bartman nowadays?
If you don't classify this photo as embarrassing for the action taking place on the field, then at the very least you would have to agree that Bartman's fashion faux pas, black sweatshirt with a green turtleneck and Cubbies hat, is embarrassing enough.
What a way to celebrate 3,000! Here's to you, Boggsy.
Look, Wade Boggs is a true Hall of Famer, so he can celebrate his 3,000th hit however he damn well pleases. But the look on the umpire's face in this photo is priceless!
I'm not sure if this photo is more embarrassing for used-to-be tough guy Don Zimmer for being tossed like a rag doll by a 170-pound behemoth like Pedro Martinez, or if it's more embarrassing for Pedro for face-planting a 70-year-old man to the ground like he did.
I think there's enough embarrassment to go around on this one.
I'm not really sure what's going on with Pete Rose's mullet/bowl haircut in these photos. Nor do I really care to know what's going on with his animal-print underwear in the left-side photo, either.
It was the '70s; what else can you say?
I'm not sure what's going on with Mike Piazza's dye job in this photo. Nor do I really care to know what's going on with his frosted tips in the right-side photo, either.
It was the '90s, what else can you say?
Here's a classic. The old home run ball off Jose Canseco's noggin.
The only word that has ever come to my mind when watching this great clip: DOINK!
Man, who didn't love Nolan Ryan's teaching a young Robin Ventura a thing or two about charging the mound?
I know who: Robin Ventura.
Although, I'm sure even he has to laugh now.
People laugh at this photo because it shows the outright "dirt-baggery" of Ty Cobb's pugnacious play.
But how would you like to have been the poor sap taking a Ty Cobb cleat to the crotch? ...and then having said incident captured on photo, to be replicated many millions of times over on something called "the Internet" in the year 2012.
No thanks. Now that's embarrassment!