Premature Jocularity: Top 30 Celebrations That Came Way Too Soon
Coined by Keith Olbermann, a former ESPN analyst, this term describes one who celebrates "victory" too early, only to watch it hilariously slip through their hands.
Doctors are still looking for a cure for this disease, though they believe there might be a correlation between being a jackass and watching Jersey Shore that may indeed lead to the onset of this affliction.
To make this list, the athlete must think they've achieved victory, though they will not, largely because they're too busy showboating.
The following is 30 people who suffer from Premature Jocularity. But unlike most other diseases, this one is okay to laugh at.
So don't feel bad.
30. Tracy McGrady Thinks He's out of the First Round
I can't find the video for this, but it's not really all that exciting to see anyway.
But it's certainly exciting to hear.
After having a 3-1 series lead over the Pistons in the 2003 NBA Playoffs, McGrady, being the genius that he is, proudly proclaimed that "It's nice to finally be in the second round."
Considering that they were still in the first round and went on to lose the series, I would say that this qualifies as premature.
McGrady sucks. Yeah, I said it.
29. Von Wafer Misses Easy Dunk
I'm short and can't dunk, so I can't say for sure about this, but it seems to me that one should know when one misses a dunk.
Von "Vanilla" Wafer—as I call him—not only missed the dunk, but he showboated to the crowd and then turned and ran into Jermaine O'Neal, who was in the middle of trying not to suck.
But he did suck. And "Vanilla" Wafer had a little something to do with that.
You're off the hook this time Jermaine, but that still doesn't erase the hilarious sequence of events that resulted in a Celtics turnover.
28. Matt Hasselbeck Is Gonna Score
This was a premature proclamation.
It takes a badass to say "we want the ball and we're gonna score" after winning the coin toss in overtime.
Unfortunately, Matt Hasselbeck is not a badass—he's Matt Hasselbeck.
If you listened closely, you could actually hear God say, "Oh no he didn't!" And this was long before I started to hear voices.
Hasselbeck would later throw a pick-six in overtime, capping off another disappointing year for the Seahawks.
In the end, I think what he meant was, "We want the ball and they're gonna score."
That would have been a weird thing to say, though.
27. ESPN Wants LeBron vs. Kobe
Have we ever seen a more aggressive ad?
Clearly ESPN thought LeBron would be seeing Kobe in the NBA Finals, and they went so far as to come out with these ads featuring the league's two biggest stars in puppet form.
The problem is that only one of those stars made it to the Finals.
These commercials were as shameless as "The Decision," and I'm happy they canned the premise shortly thereafter. ESPN was lifting their collective hands in celebration, thinking they were in store for the dream match up they had hoped for.
No wonder Stan Van Gundy thinks Dwight Howard gets no respect, especially considering the Magic were the ones who beat the Cavs to get to the Finals that year.
26. Dwayne Rudd Throws Helmet
I personally don't find what Dwayne Rudd did to be all that bad. It's not like the Browns win all that many games. For all he knew it'd be the last one they'd win for a while, so he threw his helmet in celebration.
This is why you don't see teams like the Patriots and Steelers doing this—they expect to win.
What's funny is that had he not thrown his helmet, they would have indeed won the game. Instead, the game went on since it can't end on a penalty.
The Chiefs went on to win on a field goal, and I'd like to believe that Rudd stapled his helmet to is head later that night.
25. Soccer Team Celebrates for a While
We'll never know what brilliant celebration this team had planned, mostly because they never had an opportunity to finish it. From what I can tell, it had something to do with working on your golf swing.
During this pathetic display, the other team took the following kickoff down the field and scored in about five seconds.
How is it that people can be this stupid? Am I the only one wonders how humanity has lasted this long?
24. Tim Duncan Hits Game Winner...Seemingly
You can't blame the Spurs for celebrating here. Who would have thought that Derek Fisher would hit a shot with just .4 left on the clock?
I was convinced after this shot that the Lakers had made a deal with the devil. How else can you explain this going in? Logic? Phooey!
The devil later came to collect as the Lakers were embarrassed by the Pistons in the Finals that year. Apparently Satan was pissed that Fisher didn't give him any credit in the postgame interview.
Then Kobe cut his hair and lost his powers momentarily. He would later learn to live without being quite as aerodynamic. It's why he doesn't dunk so much anymore.
23. God Strikes Down Runner
So God pretty much hates this guy.
Prior to the race, I suspect he slept with his girlfriend's best friend, then punched her puppy or something. Plus he stole $20 from her purse for some Keystone Ice.
That was the biggest offense of them all.
No wonder God struck him down just short of the finish line.
22. The Cougars Don't Live Up to Name
I'm sure this wasn't the first time to happen in a high school football game, but it's safe to say that scouts probably weren't impressed with either the terribly short 47-yard field goal, or the player who caught the ball and spiked it thereafter.
Best part of the clip is when the kid who spiked it falls to his knees and clutches his face mask in what looks to be the worst moment of his life. Yes, even worse than that time he crapped himself in gym class, or that time he crapped himself in math class.
Look, the kid had problems.
He enters the screen at the :18 second mark and then leaves it at the :19 second mark.
Man that was a good second though. I think I'll watch it again.
21. Goalkeeper Sort of Blocks Goal
This is so bad as to be inconceivable.
Like a field goal kicker, the goalie has one job: protect the goal.
He did a pretty good job at first, but he just couldn't stop himself from jumping up and patting himself on the chest before being sure that the goal was actually blocked.
The ball had a mean spin on it though, and it slowly spun itself into the net.
His teammates would beat him to death later that day. Just kidding, this is soccer we're talking about. They threw road flares at him till he caught fire.
That sounds about right.
20. Tom Benson May Have Poopie
You know what's wrong with Tom Benson? He drafted Reggie Bush. He also trusted his eyes instead of the officials beneath the goalposts signaling a missed field goal.
I don't know about you, but it's the first thing I always look at if the kick isn't clearly good. And I believe this kick was ambiguous enough to warrant confirmation.
Best part? Check out what I suspect is his wife kissing him and celebrating with him. It takes her a few seconds before she realizes something is wrong. I think her first fear is that he's had a heart attack. Her second? He has poopie.
Seriously, pause it at the :15 second mark and tell me you don't agree.
And speaking of the Saints...
19. John Carney Misses Extra Point
We've all said it and heard it a million times: The kicker has one job.
And no, it's not getting coffee for the quarterback; that's a privilege. Unless it's for Jay Cutler. That would suck.
With just :07 seconds left, the Saints, who were down 13-20, threw one last desperation pass in the hopes of tying the game. Four laterals later they found themselves in the end zone.
Then John Carney missed the extra point.
Keep in mind this was well before the Drew Brees era; the Saints should have known better to celebrate before it was officially 20-20.
Some fans used to call them the Aints for a reason.
18. Rugby Player Gets Stripped
I don't watch Rugby, so I'm not entirely sure what's happening here, but from what I gather, dude celebrated too early.
I could be—and probably am—completely wrong here, but from what I can tell the guy with the ball had to touch the ground to the turf for the...touchdown to be counted.
Unfortunately, the ball was smacked out of his hands before he could do so.
Look, just watch the video. I'm not about to be a Rugby analyst anytime soon, and I apologize for nothing.
Frankly, I'm not completely sure this is even rugby.
17. Moto Racer Curses You
This whole thing was a misunderstanding.
I think that what people perceived to be a celebratory fist pump, wasn't actually celebratory at all—it was a premature curse.
Look closely. His fist pumping is saying, "I curse you," not "I win fool!"
It's a very subtle difference between the two, I know, but it's an understandable mistake.
Also, be sure to check out what I like to think is Sean's lover, Jared, shaking his head in disappointment at the :09 second mark.
After all, he did warn Sean about those curses.
16. Roller Blader Cursed by Hubris
I think the slip-on-a-banana music that plays at the :33 second mark pretty much sums this one up.
Alas, some of us are cursed by our own hubris.
15. Bullfighter Celebrates Early, Angers Large Animal with Horns
What I love about this is that there was actually a second there where this idiot thought that he had conquered the bull.
He was probably planning on telling his friends, and likely some poor drunk girl at a bar who was buzzed and susceptible to hardcore bullfight stories.
Then the bull tossed his sorry ass into the air and ran over him a couple times for good measure, then it went after what it suspected to be his friends because they were all wearing the same clothes.
We call this guilt by association. Also, why one shouldn't piss off a raging bull, and natural selection I suppose.
I was so ready to give this guy a Darwin award.
14. Jockey Forgets Where He's at
Video can be found here.
How many races do you think this jockey had been in before? I would think at least 50, right? I would hope that he didn't just jump on a horse and start racing that morning.
So how could he have mistaken the winning post?
Did he not observe the course prior to racing? Or is it that he simply had what my third grade teacher referred to as a "brain fart"?
I believe it was the latter, and what a stinky one it was.
13. Mark Martin Experiences Temporary Insanity
Go in a circle 250 times and you might have a lapse in judgement. At least that's what I'd be telling people if I were Mark Martin.
As the white caution flag went up, all Martin had to do was finish the race. Instead, he went down pit road, which allowed David Green to finish in first.
If I were Martin, I'd go on a two-week drinking binge to erase this one from my memory. According to science that's all it takes, plus experience.
Mark would go on to say that "I thought the race was over...I've got to go out and redeem myself now."
I thought my solution was better. Redemption is for losers.
12. F-3000 Racer Stops to Say What's Up
Formula 3000 cars are pretty fast, though probably not as fast as they'd need to be for this idiot to catch up to the eventual winner.
Of course, he wouldn't have to do that if he didn't decide to slow down and say what's up to his pit crew before crossing the finish line.
Watch him put his foot on the gas at the :13 second mark as a reflex when the black car passes him by.
Tortoise and the Hare, my friends. Tortoise and the Hare. Except the tortoise is fast too, but still smarter.
11. Bicyclist Celebrates Early, Crashes
I take much pleasure in watching this guy crash.
You know why? I'm an ass. But more so, it's because I could never ride a bike successfully without my hands on the handlebars. It ruined my childhood.
So when I watched this guy put his fists up in the air short of the finish line and eat pavement, it made all my failed attempts worth it.
Perhaps it's just not a smart thing to do.
The only thing that would have made this video better would be if the bicyclist who passed him had crashed too, considering he celebrated early as well.
Or maybe if he went Road Rash on dude and punched him just before he took the lead.
10. Tired Runner Dishes out High-Fives
Sometimes it's better to let somebody else speak for you. Here are two quotes from one of the announcers:
1. "She hasn't turned around, I would think that maybe you'd want to look [back] just before you put your arms up in victory."
2. "Oh, she's high-fiving people, oh my gosh."
So what do you think happened next? If you said she went on to win, you'd be wrong, and you probably didn't bother to read the title of this slideshow. For shame. If you said she lost, good job.
What's funny is that the celebration likely would have been much funnier had she not been so tired. Alas, she was, so all we got was high-fives.
9. The Leon Lett Paradox
I miss the good ol' days, you know, back when the Cowboys used to win consistently and weren't a laughing stock.
The thing is, the Cowboys of the 90's did funny things too, but it was okay because they were usually winning. Take for instance, this moment where Leon Lett showboated a little too early during Super Bowl XXVII.
For the life of me I'll never understand why he did it. Well, actually, I kind of do—he's an idiot. But it's hard to get why someone who rarely gets a chance at scoring a touchdown would blow the opportunity in such a ridiculous way. I know if it's me I'm holding on to that ball for dear life.
Then again, maybe it's because you rarely have the opportunity that you showboat in the first place. Who knows when you'll get another chance, especially on such a large stage.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have ourselves a paradox.
8. Arizona Fans Storm the Field...Well They Would Have
I might have mentioned this before at some point, but just in case I haven't, I can't stand it when college fans storm the court, field, liquor store or anything in between.
It's corny as hell. You didn't just save the planet from an alien invasion or anything.
I know some of you will disagree with this, but that's okay. For the record, it looks as though Arizona WIldcats fans think I'm full of it.
Thankfully I have this video to fall back on.
I can watch this over and over as Oregon comes back to beat them in overtime.
7. Lindsey Jacobellis Does Tricks
If I had a son or daughter, I'd show this video to them again and again.
And you know what I'd tell them? Don't ever attempt something as stupid as this unless you're sure you can stick the landing.
And if you don't, don't you dare bother coming home.
Silver doesn't fly in this house, boy.
6. DeSean Jackson Impresses, Twice
I got a two for one special here, people. Yes, DeSean Jackson's that much of a jackass. Admittedly, I say this as a Cowboys fan, but that doesn't change the fact that Jackson has a way about him that overshadows his talent at times.
In the first clip you'll see him attempt to leap from the five-yard line into the end zone. Unfortunately, he didn't make it, though you wouldn't know that by his post-"touchdown" celebration.
In the second clip you'll see him somehow get past the Cowboys secondary in an act that surely involved some kind of sorcery, as is evident in his running in a straight line really fast. But it's okay, because he dropped the pass short of the goal line.
Something tells me Jackson isn't done making the highlight reel for the wrong reasons. Some people just can't help themselves.
5. Goalkeeper Slays Dragon, Has Visions of Breasts?
All in all, this goalkeeper—who had just scored on a penalty kick—dished out six high-fives, raised his arms in victory two times, caught an especially happy teammate one time, and thought about breasts at least 13 times during his celebration.
Yes, it's safe to say he accomplished a lot in 20 seconds, except he forgot to do the one thing he's supposed to do as a goalkeeper—get back and protect the goal!
Seriously, this guy casually trots back to his own goal as if he had just slayed a dragon or was just elected to some prestigious position, blissfully unaware that the other team was seconds away from erasing his accomplishment.
4. Kirk Bradley Is Really Confident
Kirk Bradley made the mistake so many have before him.
People have this strange complex where they don't seem to fully realize the permanence of a tattoo. I don't know if they think they'll never age, or if it's simply that they think Korn will rock forever, but I can assure you that neither is true.
Before Manchester City had even made it into the Champions League, you know, that place where a team has an opportunity to become a Champions League champion, Kirk Bradley tattooed "Manchester City 2011 Champions League Winners" on his arm.
Oh, don't worry though—he has a backup plan. He can always have it altered to say 2014, or '17. He can also have his brain altered by running it into a wall a few times.
That would probably be more effective.
3. Basketball Team Celebrates, Forgets Time Left on Clock
You see, this is exactly why you play until the buzzer.
What makes this premature celebration so much worse is that the Cibona coaches can clearly be seen jumping up and down on the court with the players.
I understand that it's easy to get caught up in the moment, but shouldn't the coaches have known better? I can't imagine this ever happening to Phil Jackson or Greg Popovich.
Come to think of it, I can't really imagine them showing any kind of emotion at all. Maybe this is why. Or maybe human emotion is for people who aren't geniuses.
In any case, Cibona got what they deserved, as Partizan sunk a three to win the game from way downtown.
2. "The Play"
I don't know about you, but I'm sick as hell of seeing this video. If you agree, I apologize for showing it once again. If you don't agree, what's wrong with you?
How are you not sick of this video?
Anyway, down 20-19, Stanford—who I thought was smart—kicked the ball off to Cal and watched them proceed to lateral the ball five times before bobbing and weaving into the end zone for the victory.
Oh, and the band ran out onto the field. But I'm sure you knew that.
At least one of the band members got decked at the end.
1. Bluegrass Miracle
I like to play things safe. Perhaps too safe.
I'd much rather be the odd man out than look like an idiot, so when Kentucky fans started to prematurely get into position to storm the field, I'd be the guy standing there saying, "hold on, not yet."
This is the single most important lesson every sports fan should learn, because you should never, under any circumstance, celebrate "victory" before the clock hits :00 and your team has won. I don't care if your team is up by 50.
Of course, you can always just do what Kentucky fans and players did and completely throw my advice in the garbage.
Somewhere between the head coach getting a Gatorade bath and the fans preparing to storm the field, Kentucky lost their way.
They also forgot how to play football, failing to knock down the ball on the hail mary that resulted in their losing the game to LSU.
Check out the Kentucky player crying at the one-minute mark. It's a can't miss.
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