Twins or White Sox? Root Canal or Wisdom Teeth Removal?

Chip StevensonCorrespondent ISeptember 26, 2008

It's obviously been a lost season for Tigers fans. I've seen enough bullpen blowups, baserunning blunders, and devastating home runs to last a lifetime.

As a baseball fan, though, I have to move on and look toward the playoffs. The Tigers will not be playing when October rolls around, but some lucky team from the AL Central will, and it's about time that I pick which team I'm going to be rooting for from now on.

The choice between rooting for the Twins and the White Sox for me is like the choices that contestants on Fear Factor had: Do I eat the broiled cow testicle or should I go with the slimy sheep brain?

OK, so it's not that bad...still, it's a difficult choice for any loyal Tigers fan.

After much deliberation, I have decided to root for the Twins over the White Sox for a few distinct reasons:


1. I want the Twins to make the playoffs so that they can play on a national stage and show the world how annoying their style of play truly is. I've never seen so many bloop hits, Texas leaguers, and broken-bat singles in my life. Other than Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer, has anyone on their team ever hit a ball to an outfielder?

Every single player on their team, again, other than the M&M boys, looks exactly like I do at the plate when I joke around and hit left-handed. The only difference is that I get laughs when I do that and they get millions of dollars. Life is unfair.


2. Rooting for anyone on the White Sox is like rooting for the USSR in the Miracle on Ice. Seriously, they have to be the biggest collection of unlikeable people the world has ever seen since the real Little League team in the movie The Sandlot.

Ozzie Guillen, AJ Pierzynski, Orlando Cabrera, Bobby Jenks, and Carlos Quentin could all easily be the monsters in little kids' nightmares. You wouldn't root for them, would you?


3. Both of their stadiums are just absolutely ridiculous. They both breed a brand of baseball that is completely unique to their team and unfair to those who come there to play.

The White Sox play on a field that is more fit for a high school junior varsity softball team because of how short the fences are and how many hits fly out of that place.

The Twins play on a field that is more fit for roller hockey than baseball because of how hard and fast that field plays.

Still, if I had to choose one field to watch two teams battle it out in October, I'd pick the Metrodome in Minneapolis. I'm interested to see how teams like the Angels and the Rays react when they go into Minnesota and see slap hitters sprinting around the bases like the Tasmanian Devil rather than a typical team that goes all or nothing by swinging for the fences and compiling strikeouts.

In all seriousness, the Twins play differently than every single team in the big leagues. They play good defense, throw strikes, put the ball in play, and run the bases like there's no tomorrow.

As most major league teams focus on power and play station-to-station baseball, the Twins play like they're from the 1950s, and I kind of dig that. They are definitely a throwback to the time when baseball was truly the national pastime, and with Yankee Stadium kicking the bucket this year, I'm in the mood to hold onto some of that old style of play.

As much as it pains me to say this, Twins4Lyfe,