The All-Time Movie Football Roster
All-Time Best Football Roster Using Movie Characters
All-Time Best Football Roster Using Movie Characters
QB - Willie Beamen (Jamie Foxx) - "Any Given Sunday"
Not only he was very athletic, but was cocky enough to control this all-star roster. In addition, he would be great off the field cracking jokes (Booty Call) and singing for the team (Ray).
2nd String QB - Johnny Walker (Anthony Michael Hall) - "Johnny Be Good"
Trust me, he isn’t a nerd from his "Breakfast Club" days.
3rd String QB - FBI Special Agent John "Johnny" Utah - "Point Break"
Was a star at Ohio St. before a career-ending knee injury.
RB - Megget (Nelly) - "The Longest Yard"
Had great quickness and agility. Plus he will only sport one eye black stripe on his check, something only a real stud could pull off. You just need to watch out for the St. Lunatics causing a distraction in the locker room.
2nd strong RB - Darnell Jefferson (Omar Epps) - "The Program"
Nelly gets the nod just for the fact that Darnell may have his mind on Halle Berry too much. Plus, Darnell was prone to go Tiki Barber in '98 and not hold onto the ball.
WR - Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr.) - "Jerry Maguire"
Very cocky, wanted the rock, and wanted money. What more could you ask for in today’s age receiver?
WR - Charlie Tweeder (Scott Caan) - "Varsity Blues"
He lacked in size but made up for it in hands and heart. Not many kids in high school are going to steal a police car with two girls in the back. Was also a pimp, going at it with his sex-ed teacher in the strip club.
WR - Phillip Elliot (Nick Nolte) - "North Dallas Forty"
Even though he was addicted to painkillers, this veteran receiver had great hands, and would be a valuable possession receiver for this team. The party scene that he loved may hurt his performance, but his experience balances it out.
TE - Brian Murphy (David Denman) - "The Replacements"
He had first round talent, but didn’t go that early in the draft because he is deaf. It may be a good thing for the big, strong, and fast tight end because he won’t have to listen to all the entertainers that are on the team.
Tackle -Louie Lastik (Ethan Suplee) - "Remember the Titans"
Such a large body, he would anchor the right tackle position. Not quick enough for the left tackle position but makes up for it in the locker room with his Motown singing ability and witty jokes to teammates.
Guard - Bill Bob (Ron Lester) - "Varsity Blues"
Sure he was the one who caused All-American quarterback Lance Harbor (Paul Walker) to have his career ended to injury, but he came back strong to give solid protection to Chance Mock. Plus, he proved he has hands on the hook and ladder.
Center - Manumana (Peter Navy Tuiasosopo) - "Necessary Roughness"
The huge Samoan was a force on the line and a great leader to pick up any blitzes.
Guard - Rudy Zolteck (Michael Zwiener) - "Little Giants"
Rudy was such a fat ass. He is the only hero I know that would pack puff cheetos and a peanut butter & jelly sandwich in his helmet. Sure, his speed wasn’t there in the forty:
Rudy: "How'd I do, coach?"
Coach Kevin O’Shea: "I don't know son, I don't have a sundial. Now get back in line."
But he gets the starting job on this team after ex-Washington Huskies star Steve Emtman teaches him the proper technique. Emtman was on the John Madden’s bus with Emit Smith, Bruce Smith, and Tim Brown as they got lost in Urbania, OH on their way to Canton, OH.
Tackle - Bud-Lite Kaminski (Abraham Benrubi) - "The Program"
Sure he was goofy looking, with the overalls he would wear out to the bars, but the guy could block. He also was a great trash-talker and didn’t put up with anyone talking to him.
DE - Julius Campbell (Wood Harris) - "Remember the Titans"
His dad told Coach Boone outside his house that his son was an All-American defensive end. He was the heart and soul of the defense. He also delivered one of the best lines in the movie when he addressed Bertier during an argument during camp: "Attitude reflects leadership, Captain."
DT - Andre Krimm (Sinbad) - "Necessary Roughness"
This teacher turned player was a real force with a tough must win attitude.
DE - Steve Lattimer (Andrew Bryniarski) - "The Program"
This juice ball was a monster. When he wasn’t throwing up ridiculous weight in the weight room, bashing his head through car windows, and attempting to rape girls, he was a beast on the field. With his face painted like Chris Hovan on the Vikings and Buccaneers, his intimidation was not matched by anyone else.
OLB - Becky "Ice Box" O’Shea (Shawna Waldron) - "Little Giants"
She was a great linebacker and was the heart and soul of the Giants. She knew it was a mistake to ever pick up a pom-pom and came back to help the Giants beat the over-talented cowboys.
A side note: she looks very solid now. Look her up. You will be surprised what the tom boy turned into.
MLB - Charles Jefferson (Forrest Whitaker) - "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"
Even though Jefferson has a really bad lazy eye and is overweight, he makes up for it with his smarts and toughness. He stays really angry on the field, which is perfect for a middle linebacker.
MLB - Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler) - " The Waterboy"
What else is there to say other than the guy was a absolute stud. He could lay hat with the best of them.
OLB - Gerry Bertier (Ryan Hurst)- "Remember the Titans"
As long as he doesn’t run stop signs after the games, he will be fine because on the field he protected that left side, while Julius protected that strong side.
CB - Stefen Djordjevic (Tom Cruise) - "All the Right Moves"
Even though he and Coach Nikerson (Craig T. Nelson aka, plays a coach in every role he has) didn’t always see eye-to-eye, he still was a very good player. He had a lot of drive to go to college at Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo, because of the bad way of life in his dying Pennsylvania steel town.
CB - Trumaine (Wesley Snipes) - ‘Wildcats"
Not only could he intercept passes, but, if a car needed to be hot-wired, he had those attributes as well.
SS - Spike (Sam Horrigan) - "Little Giants"
He was the white version of the kid in the Under Armour commercials. He was so yoked for a "12" and had the attitude to match.
FS - Petey Jones (Donald Faison) - "Remember the Titans"
Sure, Petey played running back as well for Coach Boone, but he really became valuable to the team when defense coordinator Yoast asks him to play safety and cover the other team’s best player. The problem as of now is Petey has put on a lot weight eating too many hospital meals on the hit tv show "Scrubs."
Kicker - Lucy Draper (Kathy Ireland) - "Necessary Roughness"
She could kick and wouldn’t be that bad to look at either.
Punter - Nigel "the leg" Gruff (Rhys Ifans) - "The Replacements"
The ex-Welsh soccer player could kick and drink with the best of them. The guy could kick while smoking, what’s not to love. Plus, he claims "I’m wiry."
Place Holder - Radio (Cuba Gooding Jr.) - "Radio"
I know a low blow, but had to do it. He could hold with the best of them.
Kick Returner - Forest Gump (Tom Hanks) - "Forrest Gump"
If he could return kicks for the University of Alabama, he could return kicks for this team.
Head Coach - Herman Boone (Denzel Washington) - "Remember the Titans"
He would be perfect for coaching this diverse team. He would get all these egos to play together.
Offensive Coordinator - Coach Klein (Henry Winkler) - "The WaterBoy"
He showed with his green book that he could draw up plays with the best of them. With Boucher telling him to imagine how to draw them like he did back in the 1970s, he will be having this team score like the 1999 Rams.
Defensive Coordinator - Molly McGrath (Goldie Hawn) - "Wildcats"
She could get a bunch of kids with attitude and turn them into winners. Plus, she knows how to condition with the best of them. She will have this defense playing with heart.
Head Cheerleader - Claire Bennet (Hayden Panettiere) - "Heroes"
Not only is she a cheerleader on the hit show Heroes, but she was Coach Yoast's daughter in the Remember the Titans, and, trust me, from that movie she knows her football.
Spygate Camera Man - Mr. Hanon (Gene Whittington) - "Little Giants"
He was the black dad of Hannon "Hot Hands" with the huge video camera from the early 1990s that actually had a VCR tape on the side. The thing took up his whole shoulder in the sides.
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