Gruden Sits Down With JaMarcus Russell!

Knowshon MorenoContributor IApril 15, 2010

OAKLAND, CA - JANUARY 03:  JaMarcus Russell #2 of the Oakland Raiders in action  against the Baltimore Ravens during an NFL game at Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum on January 3, 2010 in Oakland, California.  (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)
Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

Well, not really, but I stole this concept from ESPN because they suck. Imagine if Jamarcus Russell had the opportunity for CONSTRUCTIVE criticism from a real coach like John Gruden outside of him being "fat" "lazy" "dumb" "terrorist" "Al Qaeda" "Al Davis" "Al-zheimers" or what ever else the media puts out there for you couch coaches to run with. Here's a look at what Chucky might say about this horror movie in Oakland...


Gruden: Boy, you sure do take a lot of heat up here in Oakland, huh?

JMR: A little.

Gruden: What do you think is your biggest flaw as an NFL Quarterback?

JMR: My footwork. Easy. Also I got to spend more time in the film room so I can try to get this thing fixed. I know I can play.

Gruden: There's no doubt about that (insert Chucky face) as we see here on opening night against the Chargers. Was that a tough loss or what?

JMR: Devastating. We really had a chance to make a huge step in the right direction by beating the heavily favored Chargers at home. Just didn't go our way.

Gruden: There were a couple questionable calls in that game.

JMR: You would know all about that.


Gruden: Let's take a look at that game.


Gruden: That was great vision and timing. The refs really screwed that one up. I like how quickly you spotted the mismatch and put it where only the receiver could get it.

JMR: Thanks. The O-line really played well that game and it gave me time to see the field and make a play.

Gruden: Ok. Now let's look at the not so good.

Gruden: Man you got to get the ball out faster, but who's calling the plays? I didn't see a receiver within 20 yards of the line of scrimmage on any of them. Where are the crossing routes, Man? We made a living of those things when I was here.

JMR: I don't know. I don't call the plays. But I do think that we should run the ball more to keep the defense honest and out of that soft a** zone.

Gruden: Right on. You gotta hit the books and the film room. You have to be able to audible when that dumbass calls 4 deep on the goal-line.

JMR: I don't know If I have that kind of power yet, but I'm working on it.

Gruden: Tell Al I said Holla at ya boy.

JMR: No doubt.