Hockey Books That Would Just Never Sell
EDIT: View Part Two Here!
Before I begin, let me tell you that on many hockey forums there is a great tradition of coming up with the titles of books that hockey players should write but that may not become bestsellers.
I've created some of these on my own, but let me say right now that I'm not going to take credit for them all because it would be a slap in the face to the fans that took the time to create the others.
But since the authors' names are unknown, who gets the credit?
As I said, many of these are from different message boards where the author's name is hidden by a crafty username, therefore the credit must go simply to the die-hard hockey fan. Wherever you are, whoever you are, these are for you!
Hockey books that would just never sell...
Professionalism and the Work Place by Kevin Lowe and Brian Burke
NHL Players: Inside and Out by Elisha Cuthbert
Empty Net Breakaways for Dummies by Patrik Stefan
Giving Hits, Taking Hits, and Ordering Hits by Mike Danton
The Art of Graceful Skating by Phil Esposito
Keeping the Bench Nice and Cozy Warm by Scott Clemmensen
Having a Personality by Chris Drury
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Sean Avery
How to Drive by Dany Heatley
Trusting Your Goaltender by Mike Keenan
Family Values by Martin Brodeur
Heads up Hockey by Eric Lindros
Putting Your Left Foot Forward by Evgeni Malkin
Prospect Management by Mike Milbury
Making the Right Call by Mick Mcgeough
Marketing 101 by the New Jersey Devils Organization
The Holy Bible by Miroslav Satan
Best Bars in Nagano by the United States Olympic Team
Seven Habits of Effective Goaltending by Dan Cloutier
Body Checking 101 by Marek Malik
Picking the Perfect Babysitter by Doug Gilmour
The Fundamentals of Baseball by Chris Simon
1-2-3 Concussion Free! by the Philadelphia Flyers Training Staff
A Complete History of the Turtleneck Sweater by Alexei Yashin
Putting Your Nuts on the Line by Patrick Thoreson
How to Celebrate a First Round Victory by the Montreal Canadiens' Fan Base
How to Be a Team Player by Ray Emery
To Kill a Mocking Fan by Mike Millbury
How to Grow a Playoff Beard by Sidney Crosby
How to Look Older Than 12 by Daniel Briere
Eight Minute Abs by Keith Tkachuk
Pinching and You: The Offensive D-Man by Sandis Ozolinsh
Sobriety and You by Kevin Stevens and Theo Fleury
The Stanley Cup by the City of Buffalo, NY
How I Won a Cup with Colorado and Got Traded to Calgary by Chris Drury and Alex Tanguay
Number One Draft Picks Always Pay Off by Alexander Daigle
I'm Too Old for This Shit by Lester Patrick
How to Look Beautiful by Mike Ricci
How to Build a Highly Respectable Franchise by Charles Wang
Diversity and the Workplace by Marty McSorley
Out on the Town: How to Properly Whine and Dine by Sidney Crosby
Carpal Tunnel: Knowing When to Say When by Alan Bass
Without a Trace: Playoff Scoring by Mike Gartner
Knowing When to Quit: When Enough Is Enough by Chris Chelios and Mark Recchi
Where the Hell Am I? by R.J Umberger
Locking Them Up Forever: How to Effectively Issue a No-Trade Clause by John Ferguson, Sr.
Aim High by Chris Simon
How to Stick Up for Teammates by Todd Bertuzzi
Goalie Positioning by Clint Malarchuk
Safe Gambling by Janet Gretzky and Rick Tocchet
Best Friends Forever by Dany Heatley
How to Properly Wear a Seat Belt by Dan Snyder
Porsche 930 Turbo: A High Performance Vehicle by Pelle Lindbergh
General Managing for Dummies by Garth Snow
Oversensitivity by Mark Messier
Keeping Your Cool by Patrick Roy and Son
Stickhandling for Success by Ryan Hollweg
Not Welcome by Alexei Yashin
Shooting the Puck by the New York Rangers Powerplay Unit
Helmets: Who Needs 'em? by Pat LaFontaine
Easy Money by Rick Tocchet
Eye on the Prize by Bryan Berard
Smart Hockey Is Winning Hockey by Bobby Clarke
How to Build a Winning Franchise by the Toronto Maple Leafs Organization
My Day with the Stanley Cup by the Philadelphia Flyers Organization
When to Stop Drinking by the Staal Brothers
How to Play Hockey and Collect Social Security by Chris Chelios
The Art of the Tracheotomy by Richard Zednik
How to Lose with Dignity by Evgeni Malkin
A Step by Step Guide to Winning a Fight by Todd Fedoruk
Ignoring Fans from the Penalty Box by Tie Domi
What Puck? Where?: A History of My Life in Hockey by Mike Dunham
Keeping the Puck inside the Rink by Espen Knutsen
English for Dummies by Darius Kasparaitis
How to Cope with the Fear of Scott Stevens by Eric Lindros
No! It Doesn't Run in the Family by Marcel Hossa
101 Donut Recipes by Jim Schoenfeld
Well, there you have it, the best titles of books that should be written by hockey players but that just may not fly off the shelves. But who knows? In this world, maybe they would.
I hope you enjoyed them and I'm sure you have some of your own which you'd like to add. Please feel free to add them in the comments!
What is the duplicate article?
Why is this article offensive?
Where is this article plagiarized from?
Why is this article poorly edited?