Everyone is talking about whether Brett Favre is coming back. Everyone. It’s on talk radio, the sports blogs, the newspapers, my carpool. For me, it’s a rhetorical question; as rhetorical as asking “Is the national debt going to get worse?” or “Will I die someday?”
Of course Brett Favre is coming back. In fact, I have news for you. He’s never leaving. This is not some cheap Toyota gas accelerator we are talking about. We are not talking Seabiscuit here. Or the Energizer bunny. This is Brett Favre. I mean, BRETT FAVRE!!!! He takes a lickin’ and just keeps on tickin’.
To infinity and beyond!!!
And since Steve Jobs is about to release his new I-Travel machine which allows us to beam into the future, provided you have an I-Pad, we got a sneak peak at some of Brett’s future milestones in the NFL...and then some.
- Sept. 25, 2012—Favre throws his career 600th TD and 300th interception in the same game while playing for the Detroit Lions. Lions head coach Tom Coughlin says of his team, “We didn’t stink too bad today.” Elsewhere, 50-year-old pitcher Jamie Moyer scatters nine hits in a 6-1 victory for the Philadelphia Phillies.
- Dec. 4, 2014—Chicago Bears quarterback Brett Favre throws his 650th career TD pass to teammate Plexico Burress at Lambeau Field. Bears backup QB Jay Cutler, wearing a backwards baseball cap, loses a front tooth when he trips over the equipment trunk where Favre’s milestone football is placed.
- Oct. 8, 2015—Favre, a member of the New Orleans Saints, runs for a career-long 90 yards on a wildcat formation play, but fails to score a touchdown as declining vision causes Favre to dive on the five yard line thinking it is the goal line. Teammate Tracy Porter helps Favre to the sidelines. On the next play, Favre’s team is called for 12 men in the huddle and subsequently fails to score.
- March 7, 2017—Favre announces his absolute final retirement for the seventh time.
- March 8, 2017—Favre signs with the St. Louis Rams and two months later reports briefly for team OTAs thinking it is training camp. He leaves when he realizes the mental error. Rams equipment manager Brad Childress drives Favre to airport on his way out of town.
- Nov. 25, 2019—Favre, now playing for the San Francisco 49ers, throws an overtime TD pass on Thanksgiving in Dallas. 77-year-old Cowboys owner Jerry Jones suffers a stroke on the sidelines which is captured on the high definition video screen. Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers announces his retirement.
- Nov. 25, 2020—Favre signs with the Dallas Cowboys. Jerry Jones, partially recovered from the stroke, keeps referring to Favre as “Tony”.
- April 6, 2022—Commissioner Roger Goodell rules that Favre can play on the field wearing an oxygen mask but clearly states the content of oxygen tank will be “tested after each game”. However, in Favre’s first game wearing the mask, his team, the Denver Broncos, are called for 19 false start penalties. Offensive linemen complain the signals are “too muffled” through the mask. To silence their whining, Favre throws his 1,000th career TD pass against the Oakland Raiders.
- Oct. 18, 2024—Favre passes the 100,000 yard mark in career passing yards giving him a 50,000 yard cushion over his nearest rival. In the NFC Championship Game, Favre, playing for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, scrambles for a 10-yard run with 20 seconds left in the fourth quarter, setting up the game-winning field goal in a tied 28-28 game.
- July 10, 2025—Favre signs with the Minnesota Vikings for the fourth time. Two months later, on Sept. 9, he makes his 480th consecutive start. The game is played at the Metrodome in downtown Minneapolis, which was converted to an outdoor stadium when the roof collapsed in 2021 and there wasn’t money to fix it.
- May 16, 2026—Favre is elected to the NFL Hall of Fame and becomes the first member elected to the Hall while still playing. There is much outrage not only over this, but also because it is revealed that Favre is receiving pension benefits from the NFLPA. Favre appears on Larry King Live to give his side of the story. Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis phones in to support Favre.
- Sept. 19, 2029—Favre has a career day against the Lions, throwing eight touchdown passes and leading his Los Angeles Jaguars to a romp. Meanwhile, Twilight actress Kristin Stewart turns 40; Transformers star Megan Fox becomes a grandmother.
- Sept. 22, 2030—Favre’s jersey is simultaneously retired in the 11 cities he has played for in a ceremony broadcast via satellite. However, Favre is a no show as he has signed with the Saskatchewan Rough Riders of the CFL and leads them to a Grey Cup victory over the Hamilton Tiger Cats.
- July 13, 2032—Favre signs with the Kansas City Chiefs as a backup to starting QB Matt Cassel Junior. Favre signs for the rock bottom NFL minimum salary of $7.5 million.
- Nov. 16, 2032—While scrambling during a game in Indianapolis, Favre runs 60 yards the wrong way and flops in his own end zone making snow angels. Tests conducted after the game confirm the presence of preliminary dementia.
Well, we will just have to wait and see.