Indianapolis Colts-New York Jets: NYC Maligns Indy before Big Game, but Why?

There are four days until the Indianapolis Colts welcome the New York Jets to Lucas Oil Stadium.  The New York media is maligning Indy for its pizza, hot dogs, bagels, and complete lack of a chocolate egg cream–whatever the hell that is.  They are also ripping Hoosiers for being nice, which is odd.

New Yorkers live in a state of perpetual gridlock, which might explain anger as their default emotion.  They are stacked one on top of the other like cords of firewood.

New York is a great city.  I love visiting there.  To go to Yankee Stadium for an afternoon ballgame, get a steak at Gallagher’s, and see a great Broadway play is the kind of day you just can’t have in Indianapolis.

It’s a day most New Yorkers can’t have either because they would drop a grand easy.

In Indianapolis, we have better normal days and a higher standard of living because more can afford it.  Indy has no water to speak of, and lesser known monuments.  The tallest building in Indianapolis is the 830-foot tall Chase Building, which would rank outside of New York’s top 10. 

New York has 30 Rock.  Indy has Block’s.

New York has Michael Bloomberg.  Indy has Greg Ballard

New York has the Empire State Building.  Indy has...well, the Empire State Building was built with Indiana Limestone, so I’m claiming it for Indiana.

New York has the East and Hudson Rivers.  Indy has the White River, which is more like a creek, but who judges a city by its rivers?

Louisville and Memphis?  Those are the cities Indianapolis laughs at.

New York has the Yankees and Mets.  They cancel each other out.  Indianapolis has the Indians–a triple-A affiliate of the Pirates.  Even with the Mets, we lose that one—big!

The NBA franchises are a wash.  They are all struggling.

The NY Rangers vs. the Indiana Ice.  I have an Ice player living in my house, so I’m exercising a preëmptive challenge here.  Ice win.

New York has elected Hillary Clinton, Daniel Moynihan, and Robert Kennedy to the U.S. Senate.  Indiana’s recent senators have included Dick Lugar, Vance Hartke, Dan Quayle, the Bayh Boys.  Despite Clinton, Indiana surrenders.

Another area of dominance for New Yorkers over Hoosiers is in their arrogance.  So, come to little old Indianapolis and show us how big and tough you are.  Bring your Jets, and let’s see what happens.  Big and loud Rex Ryan can blow into town and see if his players are better than quiet (really quiet) and stoic (really stoic) Jim Caldwell’s.

Indiana will treat you well, and hope you enjoy your stay. There won’t be any fights like in Pittsburgh, Cleveland, or New York.  Jets fans once assaulted Colts play-by-play icon Bob Lamey with snowballs as he broadcasted a game several years ago.

Having worked with Bob for several years, I can’t hold that against New Yorkers.  I might have softly tossed one up there myself.  Even if Indy didn’t have a roofed stadium, no one would throw snowballs at Bob Wischusen.

Game time is at 3:00pm.  One thing is for sure, the team bus won’t get caught in traffic.