Who Do the Vikings Want to Play in the Second Round?

Someone send some champagne to the Cowboys, will ya? Some fancy stuff, 20 bucks ought to cover it. Thank the Giants for leaving their hearts in New York, too.

While there is justified bliss over Sunday's results, and everyone should celebrate in one way or another (be it donkey-punching a friend or drinking paint thinner until tomorrow's sun goes down), it is hard to dissect a hollow win over a Giants team that abandoned their season weeks ago.

Has the offense worked through the kinks to get back to the midseason juggernaut that rolled downfield? Has the defense solved the problems in the back end?

Only time will tell.

But those are the aesthetic, superficial questions and worries. Fact is the Vikings are in the playoffs, they got the bye, and will have at least one home playoff game. 

Can't ask for much more than that.

Now that the playoffs are upon us the question is: Who do the Vikings want to see in the Metrodome in two weeks?

One good thing: The Vikings can't play Philadelphia in the second round, as the Eagles would automatically go to New Orleans if they won their first round game (due to being the sixth and last seed in the playoffs).

Excellent. Let those two offenses tire each other out.

As for the rest, it is like choosing between beef with roach poison, chicken with rat poison, or pad thai—there is no good answer.

But answers you shall receive.

The number one choice is probably the Dallas Cowboys—a team that just happens to have the best defense in the NFC currently, a team that went into New Orleans and gave the Saints their first loss, and just shut out an Eagle offense that had looked like the best in football the past few weeks. Yeah, that would be the team the Vikings most want to play.

These NFC playoffs will be a gauntlet in hell for all parties.

The Cowboys are a team that plays (somewhat) into Minnesota's strengths, though. Their offense relies on the run more than any other team in the conference, and the Vikings still have one of the most imposing rush defenses in the game. If Dallas can't run the ball, and Romo is forced to throw more often, mistakes could follow.

And for all the yards the Cowboys piled up on offense this year (second most in the NFL), they were only the 14th highest scoring team in the league. Basically, they have trouble putting the ball in the end zone; the Cowboys have not scored more than 24 points in nine straight games.

That can be OK when you have a defense that has played as successful as Dallas has. The Cowboys have given up the second fewest points in the NFL and have not given up any points in their last two games.

DeMarcus Ware could give Bryant McKinnie a bad Julius Peppers flashback. Mike Jenkins could shut down one side of the field. Keith Brooking and Bradie James could control the gaps and Adrian Peterson.

But it stands to reason that the Cowboys would have more trouble scoring on a Vikings defense that has had a pretty good year (10th in points allowed, most sacks in the NFL, and 10 less yards allowed per game than Dallas) than the Vikings (second most points in the NFL) would have scoring on Dallas.

So it seems...

Next on the list would be the Arizona Cardinals, a team that embarrassed the Vikings earlier in the season and possesses a plethora of match-up nightmares for Minnesota.

Kurt Warner's ability to pick apart a blitz or zone; Larry Fitzgerald; how Anquan Boldin can out-muscle anyone in the Vikings secondary; Steve Breaston's speed; one of the most talented secondaries in the league; an iron-willed defensive line; Karlos Dansby, etc.

Though the Cardinals do have some problems of their own, right now. Boldin is always injured and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie was carted off the field Sunday. Arizona beat the Vikings in Arizona, as well; the change in venue would assuredly have an impact on any outcome.

Still, with its passing game and fast, physical defense, Arizona is the last team the Vikings want to play.

Except for the Packers.

Oh, dear sweet Lord in Heaven, do the Vikings not want to play the Packers a third time this season.

Not the way Aaron Rodgers has been playing, or with that much, much improved offensive line. Or with Charles Woodson, Clay Matthews, and that entire defense playing at a level only slightly behind Dallas right now.

And no Vikings fan can trot out the "beat them twice in the regular season, can do it again" line. Everyone knows Green Bay is thoroughly different now, like night and day. Everyone knows how difficult it is to beat a team three times in one season. 

A loss to the Packers, this year, in these playoffs, after that regular season, and those regular season games—and of course, that whole Favre thing—would just...be...devastating.

Just...no.

Get them away.

There you have it: The Vikings don't want to play any of these teams, really. Sure, they can beat any of these teams and playing in the Metrodome can't hurt.

But they can just as easily lose to any of these teams.

Can we just skip ahead to the NFC Championship game? And can the Saints win their game while Drew Brees breaks a patella?