I wrote an article a couple weeks ago that was in the humor category, but people seemed to think it was serious. Even though it was tagged as a humorous article, I took a lot of heat for it.
So, I am telling you all right now, this is a humor article. Nothing I am saying is serious, and if you cannot take what I am saying as a joke, then stop reading now, and go do something productive with the three minutes you would have spent reading this!
As the Steelers enter their Week 16 matchup with the Baltimore Ravens, the injury report is growing. Troy Polamalu is not expected to play, but Hines Ward is going to play, regardless of what anyone says or does from here until Sunday (That part is actually true, as Ward said so on ESPN 1250 here in Pittsburgh).
Limas Sweed has been put on the Non-Football/Injury/Illness report. No one knows what the illness is, but I am breaking that story right here.
I caught up with Sweed as he was about to board a plane back to Texas, and while he choked back tears, he told me, "I just can't stand to watch the defense melt down like this in the fourth quarter."
Joey Galloway has been signed to add depth to the Steelers wide receiving corp. With Galloway doing so well in New England this year, Mike Tomlin decided to bring him in. What no one knows is that Galloway is not coming to take the place of Sweed—who would not have played anyway—but to take the place of Hines Ward.
Ward will be playing, but not on offense.
Ward, who many believe is one of the hardest hitters in the NFL, will be starting at safety for the injured Troy Polamalu. When asked if he would be able to convert to Safety, Ward said, "Could I possibly do worse than Tyrone Carter?"
When asked about how the Steelers will fair in the passing game without Ward, there were conflicting statements from quarterback Ben Roethlisberger and offensive coordinator Bruce Arians.
Arians insisted that the Steelers would be focusing more on running the ball, as he promised to get both Rashard Mendenhall and Willie Parker more carries than they have had all season. He also promised that they would both carry the ball at least four times each.
Roethlisberger has other thoughts on the matter, saying, "Did Bruce really say that?" Before adding, "he can send in any plays he wants, I'll just change them at the line like I always do. At least when we score."
The Steelers' special teams have been an area of concern, and long snapper, Greg Warren, has been placed on season-ending IR. The rumor the Steelers want everyone to believe is that last year's long snapper, Jared Retkofsky, has been re-signed. They want people to believe this so much that they even added his name to the roster on Steelers.com.
Truth be told, James Harrison is going to be handling the long snapping duties Sunday. Everyone knows that Harrison's best games come against his former team, the Ravens, so Tomlin is going to do everything in his power to get him on the field as much as possible.
As for the defensive concerns, with teams passing at will on the Steelers secondary, Dick LeBeau has stated that it is not going to happen this Sunday. LeBeau said in our telephone interview this afternoon, "The Ravens don't throw the ball, so we really don't have to worry about that," and then added, "do they even have a receiver that is active this week?"
Overall, Tomlin has stated that this week's game is going to be a heavyweight battle royal, where two of the hardest-hitting teams in the NFL will meet in a 15-round battle. Tomlin stated, "We feel that it is important to go for the knock out, because if this game goes the distance, anything can happen."
ALL QUOTES IN THIS ARTICLE ARE FAKE AND MADE UP BY ME! NONE OF THE PEOPLE SAID ANYTHING THAT I SAID IN THIS ARTICLE, WITH THE EXCEPTION OF HINES WARDS COMMENT FROM ESPN 1250.
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