Chicago’s Cubs haven't won a Series in over 100 years. The Buffalo Bills got to four Super Bowls in a row and came away with zero. In Washington not even Michael Jordan could help the Bullets. The team that started as the Baltimore Bullets then became the Washington Bullets and finally the Washington Wizards hasn't won a title since 1978 and doesn't look any closer to getting there this year. Fans of the Cubs, Bills Wizards and more, I feel your pain, but you got nothing on me. I’m a Clipper fan.
The Clips, like the Wizards have a history of moving around. They started as the Buffalo Braves then moved to San Diego and became the Clippers in a weird team-trade between the then Buffalo Bills and Boston Celtics. The owner of the Celtics at the time, Irv Levin, was a California business man who wanted a team in his home state. He agreed to swap ownership of his team with John Y. Brown who owned the Braves. The NBA's first and only team trade gave San Diego a professional basketball team, sort of.
Even with some pretty good players wearing the red, white and blue for the Clippers including World B. Free, Bill Walton, Randy Smith and more they managed only a single winning season in San Diego. Even that didn't get them into the playoffs! Ralph Lawler, the Clippers current announcer started calling Clipper games then so the team’s time in the deep South of California wasn't a total waste.
Levin sold the team to Donald Sterling in the 1981-82 season. Sterling, an LA real estate developer, wanted his team closer to his native Los Angeles. He got his wish in 1984 and the was now known as the Los Angeles Clippers! New city, new logo, new attitude, new venue all added up to new results, right? Not quite. The Clippers always teased us with promise but rarely delivered on the potential the team showed and that formula continued in LA. Sure they had a few playoff appearances, the high-note being the amazing seven game series against the Suns in the 2006 Western Conference semi-finals, but their report card reads like a Buffalo Bills Super Bowl championship outline:
- Championships - ZERO
- Conference titles - ZERO
- Division titles - ZERO
This year started with promise but so far, the team hasn't delivered. Sound familiar? It's tough to be a Clipper fan. But, instead of hanging my head I'm here today to hold it high and proclaim loud and proud that I AM a Clipper fan and I am here to help my team. They have tried trades, draft picks, free-agents, etc and none of the worked. Its time for drastic measures and the time is now. The Hornets understood the importance of winning early; they weren’t winning so Byron Scott had to go. Clippers, you aren't winning either but instead of dumping Dunleavy try these suggestions. Sure, they are unconventional but the conventional hasn't worked so its time to think outside the box. Ok, way outside the box.
Clippers to-do list to obtain Championship GREATNESS
1 - Team Trade
Hey, it happened once, let’s do it again! It would work like it did in 1977 with Sterling and another owner swapping teams. Do you know who brokered that deal back in the hip and happening 70's? David Stern. Ya, same guy who wears the commissioners crown today. Let’s call him up and make this happen. I suggest we trade for Mark Cuban. Sure he is a little out there, but he is passionate about what he does. He would come to every game in jeans and a Clipper sweatshirt; Sterling comes every now and then wearing a suit and a Grey Poupon stain on his left cheek. Cuban would run out on the court to complain about a hard foul not called against his team. Sterling doesn’t seem to bother watching the game. The Mavs are in cruise control thanks to Cuban, they can use a less involved owner. Sterling is your man Mavs! Let’s make this happen!!
2 - Reality TV Drama
After all, we are in LA, right? We need a player video posted on TMZ making it rain at some club of ill repute. Ideally we can get Blake Griffin dating someone on TV; there are other Kardashian sisters, right? But no, on second thought we want to avoid any and all resemblances to that other LA team so no Kardashian’s or tennis player girlfriends. Maybe we can get Paula Abdul invited to a Blake Griffin party. She isn't doing anything these days and Cougars are all the rage right now!
3 - Tweet, Tweet, TWEET!
Clips, it’s 2009, almost 2010! Technology has made amazing strides in delivering wonderful new and exciting ways to communicate with your fan-base. Ok, I know the base is small but reach out to it and it will grow. Trust me on this one. The Club needs to embrace Twitter. The team’s current official Twitter account has 12,582 followers as of this post. Los Angeles has a population of 9,862,049! Clipper followers represent a .001% population penetration. That doesn't even qualify as a scratch on the surface! We need to pass out cards with the Clipper twitter account at each game. Have Ralph Lawler mention it during telecast; Clips, even Ralph tweets!! Oh me, Oh my! Sure some of the skeptics will say that once the team wins the tweets will follow. That’s a conventional thought and we see where thinking THAT way has gotten our Clippers. Grow your TweetNation and watch support for the team grow motivating the squad to victories! Trust me on this.
4 - Get the coach a throne
This is the one and only reference I will purposefully make to that other LA Team in this Clipper to-do. Clipper coach Mike Dunleavy Sr. is listed at 6'3". The other LA Teams coach comes in at 6'8". Does a man who can almost touch the rim without a ladder need a chair that makes him tower over everyone else? No! I know the "official" story is that a hip replacement surgery made sitting in the regular chairs too painful, bla bla bla. The truth is that the king of LA gets a throne and its time we fitted Dunleavy for his. I know the Clippers aren't where that other team is in terms of championships, wins, player talent, etc but image is everything! Get this man his throne!
5 - Bleacher Report
No one will take your team seriously without a Featured Columnist on Bleacher Report. Consider this my application. I’m here for you Clippers!
Ok, that’s the list. You doubt this will work, don’t you? A quick glance at your Staples co-tenant proves otherwise. They have a charismatic owner which the “Team Trade” would bring us! They have not one but two players dating celebrities. They have 1,242,354 Tweet followers, their coach has a throne and they have a BR Featured Columnist. Need I say more? Trust me on these five things Clippers and I will see you at the Game Four of the NBA Finals when you finish off the Cavs!