The Yankees win the World Series and as soon as you can say the words “Johnny Damon wants a four-year contract,” the rest of the New York–area teams go down the tubes.
They went a combined 5-11 this past week. It must be a hangover. Are all the local teams riding on the Yankees’ coattails and going to all of their parties?
It’s also possible that many of the area teams just stink. The Knicks and Nets went a combined 0-7 this week, and are 1-16 for the year, for instance. It was only the always-good Devils that skewed the combined record by going 4-0, and they barely count as a local team.
Here’s a day-by-day look at the past seven days.
Friday: The injury-riddled Nets lost to Philly, which kept them winless for the season, and the Devils beat the Islanders in a continuation of the New Jersey–Long Island War of 1801, in which it was so cold and icy out during the Battle of Massapequa that both sides just gave up after 15 minutes and vowed to resume fighting “when they invent the game of hockey and the Colorado Rockies move to New Jersey.”
The big highlight of the evening was, of course, the Knicks game. And, as expected, the Knicks were humiliated by LeBron James and the Cavs. They fought back bravely at the end, but who were they kidding? The game was secondary, though, as the real story was: Will LeBron come to New York next year? The Knicks owe it to their fans after shipping Walt Frazier off to Cleveland as compensation for signing Jim Cleamons and forcing him to wear those yellow, orange and red stripey uniforms.
Here’s an argument for both sides of the LeBron to New York or LeBron stays in Cleveland debate.
5 Reasons Why LeBron James Should Come to New York:
1. On his days off, he can go to Rudy’s and take advantage of the free hot dogs.
2. New York City is the talcum powder capital of the world.
3. He should to get out of town before Eric Mangini’s losing rubs off on him.
4. He can fulfill his lifelong dream of playing in a softball league on Randall’s Island during the summer.
5. Drew Carey will finally have to move out of his basement.
5 Reasons Why LeBron James Should Stay in Cleveland:
1. There’s better oompah music in Cleveland.
2. It’s closer to his vacation home in Toledo.
3. If he comes to New York, Braylon Edwards will have to be traded back to Cleveland.
4. The only Knick players worth having as teammates have long retired.
5. He gets to hang out with Willie Mays Hayes .
Saturday: The Rangers lost the game to Calgary and lost two centers to boot. Chris Drury was knocked upside the head with a cheap shot but his teammates just let it slide.
The Knicks continued their losing ways, falling to Milwaukee, 102-97. “We got outplayed so badly in the first quarter, it really didn’t matter what happened after that,” stated David Lee. It’s looking like you can probably say that about the whole season.
The Nets lost. Again. That Russian billionaire might want his money back at this point.
The surging Devils beat Ottawa, 3-2, and the scrappy Islanders defeated Atlanta, 6-3. How fun would it be to have three top-notch hockey teams in the area?
How good would it be to just have three hockey teams in the area? The Isles can’t go to Kansas City, can they?
Sunday: The Giants suffered a crushing loss. Sure, the Chargers have pretty cool helmets but that’s no excuse for the Jints to lose.
Their defense is just not the same as previous seasons. Where have you gone, Steve Spagnuolo? Giants fans turn their lonely eyes to you. And the offensive game-calling was conservative, playing not to lose instead of to win.
As my daughter once told me after a heated game of Go Fish, “YOU PLAY . . . TO WIN . . . THE GAME!”
Monday: The Knicks lost a heartbreaker to Utah. It was the Toney Douglas show, but he just couldn’t make that last shot. Will he soon be taking over for Chris Duhon?
In better news, Brian Leetch, Lou Lamoriello, and John Davidson were all enshrined in the Hockey Hall of Fame.
Tuesday: There weren’t any local games, so nobody could lose on this day. Mark Teixeira and Derek Jeter won Gold Gloves today, though. No one can argue with the wizardry of Teixeira at first, and Jeter had one of his best seasons on defense.
In the past, Sabremetricians were rolling over in their graves when Jeter would win a Gold Glove. And the ones that weren’t dead were rolling their eyes. And the ones that were wearing eye patches were shrugging their shoulders. And the ones who had their shoulders amputated due to too much shrugging, well, they have bigger problems than Jeter’s fielding.
Speaking of big problems, a svelte Eddy Curry returned to practice. He lost weight easily once he realized the diet he was on for the past year wasn’t working. He had been trying one of those celebrity fad diets: James Gandolfini ’s All Little Italy All the Time Diet.
Wednesday: The Knicks had a big lead but lost to Atlanta. Douglas had his second straight 20-plus point game, after being inserted into the starting lineup as the shooting guard.
The Nets announced before their game against Philly that they would be changing their name to the Washington Generals, and on cue they went out and lost.
The Devils just keep on winning, though, beating Anaheim. And the Islanders scored a late goal to send the game into OT, but ultimately lost in a marathon shootout to Washington.
Both teams ran out of players so Guy Charron had to come out of retirement to score the game-winner for the Caps.
Thursday: The Devils moved into first place with their victory last night in Pittsburgh, which was their ninth straight road win to start the season. One more ties the NHL record.
And the wrong-way Rangers keep going backward. Marian Gaborik scored as usual, and they got two goals from the center position playing with their makeshift lineup, but bad defense, too many penalties and not enough effort did them in again.
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