Patriots Offseason: Where in the World Is Wes Welker?
The New England Patriots opened their full-squad mini-camp on Friday, and henceforth Patriots Nation can look forward to a bright future of laying renewed smackdowns upon the ungrateful rest of the NFL.
Yes, the 2008 Patriots were together as one on the field today for the first time and we're all reminded that there actually will be another season of Brady, Moss, and pals going after that elusive fourth Lombardi Trophy.
But a vital cog in the Pats offensive berserker has been missing, which has left me asking...
Where in the world is Wes Welker?
The alliterated receiver, famous for his "Weather, Women and Wins" response when asked the difference between New England and Miami, was noticeably absent from passing camp two weeks ago, and again on Day One of mini-camp.
Lately, Welker's been seen everywhere in Boston except on the football field.
Just last week, he was handing out jerseys to a bunch of Brazilian soccer players, none of whom looked like they had any clue who Welker was, why he was giving them a shirt, nor why anyone was filming it.
The most likely reason we haven't seen No. 83?
Anyone who watched the 2007 Patriots will concur: Welker endured a monumental pounding last year. There were multiple times I was sure he had multiple fractures.
But, somehow, every time he just kept popping back up.
So it's probably a safe bet to assume Welker's just taking a little extra time to let all the bumps and compound fractures heal.
Either that or he's moonlighting as a Navy Seal, which I could picture pretty easily. He would've been perfect for G.I. Jane, even if he doesn't really seem like an "actor."
(His crazy eyes are pretty spooky, though. Before he catches a punt, he looks like a vampire about bite into someone.)
Anyway, the Patriots organization is tighter than Peyton Manning's butthole before a playoff game with information, so it often takes months for the Down Low to become the Up High.
All we can do is pray it's nothing too serious and the little fella will be ready to go when training camp opens in a little over a month.
Mike Dussault may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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