Christmas Comes Early for Dallas Cowboys Fans

Jones and Phillips, Inc. knows how to combat the annual Christmas collapse of America’s (former) Team.

Collapse early.

That’s right! Why give false hope to the silver and blue faithful? Why wait until December to collapse and either miss the playoffs or barely make the post-season and then take an early exit? No waiting. No anticipation. No wringing of the hands, wondering which present contains the white elephant.

With the lapses in concentration, misfires, penalties, and generally clueless execution that has become the hallmark of a Wade Phillips coached team, the Cowboys have stumbled out of the gate. The stellar coaching staff has successfully made the league’s best defender ineffective. They have taken the quarterback whose play-making ability can sometimes border on the miraculous and made him a happy-feet, timid, hesitant, misfiring shell of himself.

They have set new standards for mental lapses, penalties, and bonehead on-field decisions.

All of this because they love you.

They don’t want you to have to wait until Christmas or after to learn what is in that silver and blue package under the tree.

Go ahead. Open it. No surprise. No anticipation. Just a big, miserable white elephant taking a steaming dump on your HD TV.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

PS: If all of this finally results in the end of the Wade “Whiner Boy” Phillips era in Dallas, then it is, after all, a very merry Christmas.

PSS: This article written in the third quarter of the game vs. the Chiefs. Whatever the outcome, the veracity of the article remains intact.