49ers-Vikings: The Gunslinger vs. Samurai Mike
Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
How would one describe San Francisco’s 2-0 start to the season, which has the 49ers atop the NFC West standings and has generated a sense of gaiety in a city that has longed to return to the glory days of old?
“Whatever you do,” says Mike Singletary, “just don’t call it ‘flaming.’
“Sure, we’re off to a hot start, but we’ve earned every bit of it. This isn’t your daddy’s 49ers team. We won’t beat you with Hall-of-Fame quarterbacks and receivers, nor will we stop you with a hard-hitting safety and his nine-and-a-half fingers. Hey, what’s the difference between Ronnie Lott and a phone number? A phone number has ten digits.
“All joking aside…in a moment. What do you call a steamy erotic drama starring Ronnie Lott and Kim Basinger? Nine-and-a-half Digits. Okay, I guess you guys didn’t know that Samurai Mike had a sense of humor.
“Of course I do! I rapped on ‘The Super Bowl Shuffle.’ What’s funnier than that? There may not be a West Coast Offense here, but there is a West Coast rapper in the house.”
Like the 49ers, the Vikings are 2-0, with two road wins, and flawless play from Brett Favre, who set an NFL record with his 271st consecutive start. That broke the record of Minnesota defensive end Jim Marshall, who set the mark from 1961 to 1979.
“I’m honored to pass the great Jim Marshall,” says Favre. “It’s truly amazing to be able to start that many consecutive games as a defensive end. It’s even more amazing that he did so without retiring once.
“The last thing I want to do is overlook the 49ers with the Packers coming here on October 5th. But it’s hard not to. I’ve had that date circled on my calendar since the schedule was released. But you know me. Between all the retirements and all the comebacks, I’ve got a lot of dates circled on my calendar.”
Does the winner of this contest officially claim the “for real” tag, signifying it as a legitimate NFC contender?
Peterson wins the battle, rushing for a hard-fought 110 yards and a score, and the Vikings win the battle, 22-19.
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