NFL Week 3 Predictions: Chiefs Win, Pats Roll

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NFL Week 3 Predictions: Chiefs Win, Pats Roll

IconWhat's on tap in the NFL?

The schedule's a bit lean on sexy matchups, but last week's Browns-Bengals showdown proved that any game can be entertaining if $30 worth of food and 14 Diet Pepsi's at a local sports bar are involved.

While I don't see many upsets in the works, here's a glimpse of what may happen...

1. Tony Gonzalez and the Chiefs get first first victory.

The Vikings come to Arrowhead with a terrible starting QB in Tarvaris Jackson (Alabama State), and Larry Johnson has proven that a RB can't win a game on his own...so sorry Adrian Peterson, you and the Vikes will get blow away when the Chiefs come out smoking.

Prediction: Chiefs 38, Vikings 10

 

2. The Patriots will LOSE to the Buffalo Bills. NOT!!!

This is the surest bet of the weekend.

The Pats are on fire, while Buffalo looks like, at best, a CFL team. J.P. Losman is vying for a spot on the All-NFL "I Suck" Squad...coached by Norv Turner...who recently named Rex Grossman captain.

The Bills don't have much going for them, though rookie Marshawn Lynch is a welcome addition.

Prediction: Patriots 48, Bills 6

 

Icon3. The Lions will absurdly move to an amazing, astounding...3-0!!!!

"The Lions" and "undefeated" have been polar opposite terms the past few years, but O-coordinator Mike Martz and QB Jon Kitna are finally clicking.

RB Kevin Jones provides a boost on the ground, and the WR corps of Roy Williams and anointed ROY Calvin Johnson gives Kitna some fine targets to throw to.

At 0-2, the Eagles should come out fighting. Donovan McNabb will be in the spotlight after his controversial comments about black quarterbacks, but I see the Lions winning a close one.

Prediction: Lions 28, Eagles 20

 

4. The Browns and Raiders will play a game...unfortunately.

If you have to watch this one, I am oh-so-sorry.

Prediction: CBS cancels regional coverage in favor of women's table tennis from Tokyo.

 

5. The Jaguars expose the Broncos as frauds.

This is the week Jack Del Rio gets proved right about picking David Garrard...and the Broncos get embarrassed at home.

Jay Cutler is playing decently, but he's still young. Look for Maurice Jones-Drew to step up so Garrard doesn't have to test Champ Bailey much.

Prediction: Jaguars 31, Broncos 20

 

6. Rex Grossman seals his status as captain of the All-NFL "I Suck" Squad.

Grossman and Co. play the Cowboys. Terrell Owens will catch three TDs while Grossman throws four INTs before the half. Then Brian Griese comes in to fire three more picks. Icon The picture below may be Rex as he completes his first pass.

Yee-hah!

Prediction: Cowboys 41, Bears 12 (all FGs)

 

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