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Thoughts on Donuts and the Yankees

Andrew WeaverCorrespondent IAugust 5, 2009

Kids love 'em. If given the right to choose a breakfast food on a daily basis, I'd bet most little tikes would opt for a circular sugary cakeor two. 

 

But why shouldn't they? 

 

Kids love sugar, and donuts are an excellence source of it. In fact, I can't say that once every few times I pass the D&D in Rockefeller Center that I don't think to myself, "Hm, a strawberry frosted would do me some good right about now." 

 

But, as person who is above the age of 13, I opt for the coffee instead. 

 

Why? 

 

It's because donuts are awful and hold next to no nutritional value. They're loaded with carbs and fat that are anxiously waiting to be processed and tucked safely around my stomach never to be heard from again. 

 

No thanks, I'll pass.

 

I mean, how many donuts could you actually eat in a row, anyway? Three? Four? Eight? Certainly not more than eight, right? 

 

The Yankees have thrown the scale out the door this year and have become complete lard. 

 

They've put up eight donuts against their forever rivals from Boston, and quite frankly, it's embarrassing. Enough is enough. 

 

Take a look at yourself, Yankees. You've got multiple chins and are taking on the shape of a green fruit that rhymes with "bear."

 

How do you expect to keep Kate Hudson and Minka Kelly around if you've thrown your health out the window and just said: "Screw it? The gym? Hah. Get me another beer, thanks."

 

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your non-donut-eating lives, Yankees. The Red Sox are coming to town for four games, and they are emaciated and just begging for a few delicious fatty-iced treats. 

 

You don’t want them to starve, do you?

 

Otherwise, the obesity will continue, and no one wants that. If I have to even see one more donut for the Yankees, I might just puke.

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