New Year's Resolutions for NASCAR's Top Stars

Hey, Jimmie! How about giving someone else a chance to celebrate like this at season's end?
Hey, Jimmie! How about giving someone else a chance to celebrate like this at season's end?Chris Graythen/Getty Images
Joe MenzerFeatured ColumnistDecember 26, 2013

It's that popular time of the year when anything and everything seems possible.

With those dreamy thoughts in mind, it's time to offer some New Year's resolution suggestions to some of NASCAR's top stars.

For Jimmie Johnson: How about resolving to give everyone else a chance to win a championship? If the rest of the drivers vying for the Sprint Cup title are driving Generation 6 race cars, for instance, maybe the six-time champ could offer to drive, say, a Gen-4 race car—whatever the heck that is.

For Matt Kenseth: Help keep fellow Green Bay Packers' fans everywhere happier by sharing your family's training regimen with Aaron Rodgers, the Green Bay quarterback who took eight weeks to recover from a broken collarbone. Kenseth's wife Katie once suffered a broken shoulder blade while practicing for a charity race at Charlotte Motor Speedway and probably came back faster than that.

It's all cool with Junior—but could be better if he'd start winning.
It's all cool with Junior—but could be better if he'd start winning.Todd Warshaw/Getty Images

For Dale Earnhardt Jr.: It's the same old, same old, same old resolution. Win some races, for goodness sakes.

For Jeff Gordon: Get off to a better start in 2014, so you don't have to rely on an alleged spin by another driver and a week of controversy to get into the next Chase for the Sprint Cup.

For Tony Stewart: Resolve to stick to Sprint Cup racing and not sprint car racing on dirt tracks. After, of course, getting healthy and staying that way.

For Kevin Harvick: Send birthday presents to Ty Dillon and Austin Dillon as signs of goodwill after unwisely ripping them and ticking off car owner Richard Childress—who happens to be their proud grandfather and the man who made your Cup career possible. You could even include some of your primary sponsor's product, as the grandkids are finally both of legal drinking age.

Kevin Harvick, this Bud's for you.
Kevin Harvick, this Bud's for you.Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images

For Kyle Busch: To finally contend to the end in the Chase for the Sprint Cup, which he always seems to start with great promise and end way too quietly.

For Kurt Busch: To become a kinder, gentler Kurt Busch—all the time, too, not just when he thinks he has to for purposes of reviving his career.

For Denny Hamlin: Last an entire season without getting injured and get back in the Chase for the Sprint Cup mix. Like with the aforementioned Stewart, the Sprint Cup Series is better off when he's in contention.

For Joey Logano: Exercise more common sense on the track and don't let emotions get the better of you. Hamlin, for one, would certainly appreciate this natural step in your level of maturity as a person and a race car driver.

For Clint Bowyer: This one is simple. No more "alleged" spins, no matter who hints strongly at you to execute one.

For Carl Edwards: To find a way to help the good folks at Roush Fenway Racing get your Ford Fusion to go faster. It'll be a more interesting series that way.

For Greg Biffle: See Cousin Carl's resolution above. Then copy, rinse and repeat until the guys at RFR get it right.

Danica Patrick has been a success in commericals and pushing products, but not so much in stock cars.
Danica Patrick has been a success in commericals and pushing products, but not so much in stock cars.Jerry Markland/Getty Images

For Kasey Kahne: To have more consistency on the track, rather than Kahnesistency—which can be maddening because you're the fastest one weekend and then pretty dismal the next. That's no way to truly chase a championship.

For Brad Keselowski: Get back to the form that enabled you to win the 2012 Sprint Cup championship. It was refreshing and would be again to see you actually back in the hunt.

For Danica Patrick: Have the good sense to think about getting out of stock car driving if you can't finish better than 27th in the points with the top-notch equipment supplied to you by Stewart-Haas Racing. Apparently, you're much better at marketing yourself and sponsor's products in commercials and might have a better future there.


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