"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
They are perhaps the most integral part of this sport we know and love. They are dribbled, passed, shot, stolen and blocked a hundred times every night. Without the ball, we'd all just be playing "basket," which sounds pretty boring, wouldn't you agree? Balls are our friends.
But now, they are under attack by David Stern and Big NBA. So far this season, two players—The Nets' Andray Blatche and the Bucks' Caron Butler—have been fined for performing the traditional "big balls" dance.
Here we see Butler performing the act on the Boston parquet.
And here is Blatche dancing on the bench.
It is shameful that the league office is trying to stamp out this noble rite of passage. Hey Stern, if you outlaw the big balls dance, only outlaws will have the big balls dance.
Big Balls: the Origin
Like most facets of American pop culture—Charlie Sheen's career, directors swapping out black actors and hoping we don't notice, the city of Cleveland—the big balls dance traces its origins back to the Major League film franchise.
From this ancient clip, it seems clear that Buddhist samurai developed the big balls dance in feudal Japan—probably during the Tokugawa shogunate (1600-1868 C.E.)—and the Japanese ballplayer taught it to the dude from the Allstate commercials.
From there, it entered the NBA with the help of Sam Cassell, who is known throughout the league as the godfather of the big balls dance.
As we see from the title of this clip, even when a legend like Kobe Bryant does the dance, the video is still labeled "Kobe Sam Cassell Big Balls Dance."
First America, Now the World
In last year's playoffs, Italian guard Marco Belinelli performed the dance after a clutch three in Game 7 of the first round.
From Japanese samurai to the Major League films to American basketball to European basketball, the big balls dance has truly become a global phenomenon. So try to the remember, David Stern, that the big balls dance cannot be stopped with a few fines. And we will defend our right to big ball dance the night away, whether you like it or not. You are not fighting a few players, Stern; you are fighting human nature itself.