Paul George's Outfit Last Night Was a Sea of Microorganisms and Regret

Johnson! Call the Coast Guard, the National Guard and the Pentagon! Some kind of Floridian swamp beast has slithered into America Airlines Arena, and it’s eating Paul George alive!

Wait, never mind. That’s just the Indiana Pacers star, who decided to throw on an eye-popping shirt straight out of a Southern homemaker’s wallpaper catalogue, spotted by Big Lead Sports, for Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals on Wednesday night. 

Complete with shining aqua pants, George rolled up to the stadium in this shirt that started a debate: What is that pattern?

The guys at Big Lead Sports said “amoeba.” Others say “paramecium.” I say it looks like the male reproductive cells of an iguana, swimming in utter confusion toward an egg that doesn’t exist. 

Twitter had plenty to say about the choice.

"

Come on man, you played so well... Why u gotta wear aqua pants and an amoeba dress shirt after the gaaaaaamee thebiglead.com/index.php/2013… #pacers

— Vico Sotto (@VicoSotto) May 23, 2013"

"

why does Paul George have chloroplasts on his shirt? twitter.com/tyre_nick/stat…

— Nick Tyre (@tyre_nick) May 23, 2013"

Chloroplasts?! OK, this just jumped up a level.

I still think it's lizard chowder, but I guess we can agree to disagree. The truth of the matter is this shirt appears to be designed by Vera Bradley, a company you might recognize as the people who made your mother’s purse.

Now that we’ve established our separate theories, let's move on to the real question: Can you get with this? 

This shirt looks like something you couldn’t pull off in the seediest Eurodance club in Romania but would receive high praise for at your aunt’s bridge games.

I think this whole game-day clothing situation with NBA players is turning into the fashion equivalent of a nuclear arms race. I thought after Dwyane Wade’s fruit medley bomber jacket the outfits weren’t going to get any goofier this postseason, but just when you think we’re at DEFCON 1, someone else takes it to the next level.

The Pacers might’ve lost last night, but the fashion firefight is leaning in George’s favor—if that’s even a good thing. 

We need these guys to sign a fashion treaty and end this now.