The Real World: Draft Lobby

“When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking.” –Albert Einstein

Every year, I try to do something different with my team, and every year I have the same team. It’s the story of my life. When I first moved into NYC, I went to the closest bar to my apartment to watch the games until I had cable installed. I haven’t gone to a different bar since.

Or maybe it’s more like The Real World. How that show is still on is beyond me, especially since it churns out the same boilerplate list of stock characters every season. The cities change but the predictability of seeing a sorority girl, homosexual, jock, minority, and indie hipster never dilutes.

So last Sunday, when I ceremoniously logged onto Yahoo, when I did a cannonball into delightful world of fantasy drafting, and when I celebrated the return of the term “Stat-tracker” to my daily vernacular, I realized that it wasn’t just my team that looked the same year after year. It was the circus crew of fellow managers, too.

I’ve been the tagalong in my sister’s college friend's fantasy league for a few years, but have played in enough that I’ve realized that regardless of the sport, the players, or the league parameters, somehow every year the same dynamic manages to formulate, like some kind of Darwinian phenomenon.

And the truth of the matter is, we couldn’t survive any better without one of these core stock characters, any more than we’d be able to field a team without a catcher or pitcher.

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The Top 11 Requisite Characters in any Draft

(Am I missing anyone?)

1. The Aggressive Commish

First Round Pick: Hanley Ramirez, due largely to the fact it’s first on all major sports rankings, and coincidentally enough, the commish’s got the first pick. Again.

He galvanizes the league months before the season’s onset, usually through e-mails warning against the repercussions of “being too busy this year.” He authors the Power Rankings and is the de facto

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