Spygate: The Movie

Aaron LiebmanAnalyst IMarch 12, 2008

It may sound far-fetched to some, but to me this scenario poses the kind of political intrigue perfectly suited to blockbuster status.

Bill Belichick might not be a nice person, but he would be an interesting character to play. The performance would be the equivalent of Michael Douglas’ appearance in Wall Street.

Instead of “Greed is good,” “Cheating is good.”

In fact, Douglas could even play Billy Boy.  That is, if he can control his adult diapers long enough to be on set.

I could see Martin Sheen filling the role, too. He bares somewhat of a resemblance to Belichick, which is one reason I’ve lately found it hard to watch my favorite film of all time, Apocalypse Now.

I’m sure we can find some A-list actor to play Tom Brady. I’m kind of thinking Ben Affleck, especially due to his Boston roots.

Besides, based on his current work, I’m sure he has plenty of free time on his hands.

Anthony Hopkins could play Patriots owner Robert Kraft.  He has absolutely denied knowing anything about the cheating, but I’m sure he gave Belichick a bonus.

We’d also have some strong supporting roles to fill, like Eric Mangini, the bitter ex-assistant to Belichick who blew the lid off the scandal.

And don’t forget commissioner Roger Goodell who, after fining Belichick half a million dollars and demanding all video tapes, named him coach of the year and destroyed the evidence against him.

I guess Belichick must have found some leverage against Goodell (Cocaine habit...Asian hooker addiction...closet Dolphins fan...who knows) to get him to give this up. Little did he know there existed even more evidence, left undestroyed.

Oliver Stone seems the ideal choice of director for this film. Besides from being a conspiracy theory nut, he could add some nice fictional touches to the film like he did with JFK and The Doors.

Maybe dramatize the plot a bit.  You know, Belichick and Mangini have an illicit affair that ends badly when Belichick has another affair with Tom Brady.  That could work.

It would be another cheating incident for Belichick.

And how about we say that Gisele only pretended to be with Brady because Belichick had video tape evidence proving she abused child labor workers. If only I had Oliver Stone’s number…

What’s most troubling about this writers' strike is that shows like Saturday Night Live were unable to hate on Belichick and the Pats.

Whether it would have been a Weekend Update segment or a sketch, you know that the New York audience would have loved it no matter how bad it was.

I was hoping for a Family Guy joke about it, but then I remembered Peter Griffin is a Patriots' fan.

Still, I find it hard to believe that Seth McFarlane and the writing staff resisted making a joke about this mess.