The Miami Marlins' Psychedelic Home Run Feature Is Real, Very Real
The rumors were not exaggerated.
It's a psychedelic fever dream of a ballpark feature. It would probably look better on top of Carmen Miranda's head or the cover of a mid-1960s Beatles album. It looks like something you throw a ball or shoot a squirt gun at to win a giant teddy bear for your girlfriend or child.
Yet, this will also become something we'll inevitably accept. Really, what choice do we have? The thing cost a reported $2.5 million. Jeffrey Loria isn't just going to trash it after a few weeks if fans and players revolt.
Well, maybe he could. Loria fired Joe Girardi as his manager and hired Jack McKeon to be Marlins' skipper not once, but twice. This is probably a little bit different, though.
On a personal note, I can't quite get over that the home run feature looks like the exersaucer my baby niece plays on every day. It makes all kinds of music and noise when she sits in that thing, and my mind has to go to a very dull place to tune it all out.
Despite all that, the exersaucer can barely keep my niece entertained for more than 20 minutes. Maybe it will be similar at Marlins Park...
Of course, one of the great things about baseball is that each major league ballpark holds some distinction. Even if this particular one might be aesthetically hideous. But maybe they said the same thing about the Green Monster when Fenway Park opened. Or when Shea Stadium unveiled its home run apple. And what about "Tal's Hill" at Minute Maid Park?
Maybe we'll always want to cover our eyes when Giancarlo Stanton launches one out of the park and the fish, rainbows and fountains start moving. But don't we all kind of want to see this thing in live game action at least once or twice?
After that, we'll probably just want a bottle of milk, a diaper change or a nap, like my 14-month-old niece.
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