Ever-Annoying Mercury Morris Surprisingly Likes the Green Bay Packers

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Ever-Annoying Mercury Morris Surprisingly Likes the Green Bay Packers
Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

I am starting to dislike the national clam-bake of Mercury Morris, the former Miami Dolphins running back, who still wears his 1972 Undefeated Season varsity jacket around and will retell stories at the insertion of a quarter, but even when he tries to sound decent he still comes off as a boy fondling his Larry Csonka action figure. On the undefeated Green Bay Packers:

I have nothing but good things to say about the Packers. If they [end up] in our neighborhood, they’re a credit to the sport. They don’t have a bunch of guys out there who view themselves as entertainers. I didn’t like the way [the Patriots] came across...They were too much in your face. They wanted you to bow down to them and kiss the king’s ring.

I, just, I mean, come on, Mercury. I want to defend your previous actions (like having an annual toast when the last undefeated team goes down, or your CD's about that magical 1972 season) as misguided nostalgia sprinkled with concussed memories, but this is too much. You already act like you have a say in who goes undefeated and who doesn't.

You don't have to be the troll guarding the enchanted bridge.

It is beyond hypocritical to suggest that the Patriots wanted America to treat them like pompous loyalty, when Morris and his Miami cohorts spend their waning hours walking around with a megaphone reminding everyone of their bygone accomplishment. Maybe the saddest sentence ever written comes from this FOX Sports piece:

'The most important thing that has ever happened in my life is us having the perfect season,' said Bob Kuechenberg, then a Dolphins guard. 'The second most important thing is what happened when the Patriots lost in the Super Bowl, preserving us as the only perfect season.'

Someone buy that man a puppy, or something. The undefeated season really is THAT important to the Dolphins. One would have to assume they will actually begin harboring animosity toward the Packers—“They’re too robotic!”—once they creep closer toward 19 wins. You can already hear Morris changing his tune at the end of his tirade:

'I don’t want to hear from the pundits that they’re going to pass us,' Morris said. 'We were the first team to do it. They’d be the second team. They won’t be better than us just because they won 19 games.'

Come on, Mercury. Don't sell us your nonsense.

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