Tim Tebow: Not Even You and Your Friends Would Let Him Play

Sam BullardContributor IIINovember 14, 2011

Close your eyes.  

I'd like you to picture that one friend who swears to whatever deity or reality TV star he worships that he could have been a quarterback in the National Football League had Daddy taken him to the park just a few times to toss around the football.  I have to admit, I'm picturing myself.  Daddy didn't care.  

Now, two things:

  1.  If you're reading this, it means you didn't close your eyes like you were told, to which I should bid you "good day."  I'll let it slide this time...
  2. Picture now, if you would, what would happen if your aforementioned NFL-should-be friend actually made it to the NFL.  

If the fool you see in your head isn't wearing No. 15 with the name "Tebow" strewn across his shoulders, your imagination and I have a serious problem. 

Let's also take a moment to pause and laugh at the morons still closing their eyes.  

If the NFL is Saturday afternoon pigskin with your buddies, Tim Tebow is Mr. "Guys, I Swear I've Got a Cannon, Ask Anyone."  But you don't have to call him mister; his friends usually just call him Dick.  After suffering through Dick's whining, you finally cave and let him take a snap.  He either fumbles, throws it 10 feet out of Gary's reach or runs it for a two-yard gain like a jerk.

Sound familiar?  

Tebow is a terrible quarterback.  Phenomenal athlete, swell guy, but he's just horrendous under center, God love him.  And He does. 

In his four starts this season, Tebow has a cumulative 605 yards, 44.8 percent completion rate and 25.3 Total QBR (ESPN's quarterback rating, if my mom is reading this. Hi, Ma!).  Now I've never for the life of me been able to figure out what Total QBR actually means.  I just know that if Mike Ditka tells me Tebow's is appalling (the second worst in the NFL, in fact), I listen to Ditka.  And you better, too.  Or else.

The worst part of The Tebow Experiment (coming this fall to FOX!) is how people go easy on him because he's a likable dude.  I'm the first to admit Tebow is a far better man than myself.  A lot of people fall into that column.  But when an "anonymous" Detroit defensive lineman criticized Tebow after their 45-10 dismantling of Denver, people reacted like he was verbally berating a kid in the Make a Wish program.  Here's the quote

"Can you believe 15?  Come on - that's embarrassing.  I mean, it's a joke.  We knew all week that if we brought any kind of defensive pressure, he couldn't do anything.  In the second half it got boring out there.  We were like, 'Come on - that's your quarterback? Seriously?"

Hi-larious.  Yeah, it's an egotistical thing to say, but that's competition.  Can you imagine if someone said that about Jay Cutler or Philip Rivers?  Nobody would care except homers.  Yeah, Tony Dungy would probably scold "Anonymous" on SNF for the lack of professionalism, but everybody else would be laughing their tuckus off. 

People need to stop treating Tebow like a godsend.  Just because he talks to the guy every day doesn't mean he was sent by Him.  And I'd bet dollars to doughnuts JC has a better arm than TT.  

Yet, Tebow just keeps winning.  I know it’s been done to death, but he literally went 2-of-8 for 69 yards in a win!  Can somebody call a penalty for too many men on the field, because Tebow is obviously lining up right next to the Holy Spirit himself.

Blessed or not, Tebow looks like he’s here to stay.  The biggest question mark going into Week 11 is whether or not his reckless style and inconsistent play can overcome Darelle Revis and the Jets.  Luckily for Revis and his crew, their matchup will undoubtedly be even considering God clearly hasn't set foot in New York for quite some time.