Grandpa always tells me a lot of stories about things that happened to him when he was younger. I never know whether to believe him or not, but they all sound very similar to the situation he's in now. Pops is being detained in county jail while they look into charges of insurance fraud (he's guilty) and printing counterfeit tickets to get into the Meadowlands (not his best idea ever). Good news is, we need just five grand to get him out on bail.
It wasn't looking good a week ago. We already owed one bookie a thousand bucks and had five bets in for a grand each with a different one. Pops and I got some help over the weekend though as our picks went 4-1. I drove down to lockup today for a quick visit.
Grandpa: "How'd you get in so fast, kid?"
Me: "All the guards here know me, pops."
Grandpa: "Yeah, they were all tellin' me stories about that time you got caught selling stolen cameras at the flea market."
Me: "Actually that was you."
Grandpa: "Whatever. We had a good weekend, kid. Won four out of five games. That's a profit of almost three thousand."
Me: "Yeah but when Sammy came by to pay, he only gave me two G's. Said you owed him one from a while ago—something about a round of golf."
Grandpa: "Wow I can't believe he still remembered! That was from before he went to prison."
Me: "Do you still have that thousand you won by beating the guards in poker?"
Grandpa: "Nah, I lost that back in the chess tournament yesterday."
Me: "But pops, you don't even know how to play chess."
Grandpa: "I know, that's why I lost."
Me: "Right. Well we need another three thousand to get you out of here. Which means another 4-1 weekend."
Grandpa: "I got the first game. Oakland to cover the touchdown in San Diego."
Me: "Oakland already won that game, Pops. It was last night."
Grandpa: "I know that. Try calling it in to Sammy anyway. He's dumb as rocks, it's worth a chance."
Me: "Weird. You know what Sammy said when he paid me? Told me not to try betting the Thursday night game on Friday."
Grandpa: "Yeah I used to pull that trick on him back in high school. Worked like a charm. Anyway, first thing we're gonna do is bet against the Jets. They got me into this whole mess in the first place."
Me: "Got it. New England plus one at the Jets. I got one for you, pops. Baltimore will handle business in Seattle. Let's give the 6.5 and take the Ravens."
Grandpa: "Since when do you bet big favorites? Welcome to the dark side, kid!"
Me: "Not so fast, pops. Our other three bets are all 3.5-point underdogs. Tennessee at Carolina, Tampa Bay at home versus Houston, and—"
Grandpa: "Don't forget about my Giants!"
Me: "Got 'em. Plus three and a half in San Francisco."
Grandpa: "You better hold on to that two thousand you got from Sammy."
Me: "Don't worry, pops. Another 4-1 week and I'll be here Monday to bail you out. Imagine 5-0? We'll have money left over to—"
Grandpa: "Go to the liquor store!"
Me: "Or enter another chess tournament."
Grandpa: "Oh, you're a wiseguy now, eh?"
Me: "I learned from the best, pops."
Grandpa: "See you Monday, kid."