WWE: Top 5 Things on RAW That Make Me Cringe
I admit it: I love watching RAW on Monday nights!
I've been watching WWE programming since the mid-1980s, and through the ups and downs of the product, I have remained steadfast in my fandom.
But even as one of the staunchest supporters of the federation's flagship show, there are some things that recur weekly (or almost weekly) that evoke a jaw-clenching, stomach-churning, face-twisting cringe of disapproval.
Here are the five elements from RAW that elicit this physiological response.
Sheamus' Theme Song
Awful. Simply awful.
Never before has the opening line of a wrestler's theme song been more prophetic about the abomination that is forthcoming than the faux-Celtic strains of "It's a shameful thing..."
As bad as the opening stanza is, it is not until the "Ooh, Ooh..." portion of the chorus that the truly worst of this sonic disaster takes hold. Easily the worst theme song in use by a member of the active roster.
The Miz: Really? Really? Really? Really? Really. Really...
I liked this joke the first time it aired on Saturday Night Live in 2006. To this day, it remains one of the few skits I found Amy Poehler tolerable in.
However, even the comic genius of Seth Meyers hasn't been able to keep it fresh. When it does recur on Saturday nights, its success is predicated upon how venomous the attack on the celebrity in question is.
When The Miz uses this insufferable catchphrase, it is the humor equivalent of telling an old joke without a punchline.
It's time to put this one to rest.
As the above video illustrates, the Stone Cold Steve Austin "What?" gag has been around for over a decade.
It wasn't funny then.
It isn't funny now.
It makes the crowds sound stupid.
As Kurt Angle says in the clip, "I hope it dies tomorrow."
Kelly Kelly's Spinning Headscissors
The emotional investment in being a wrestling fan involves the suspension of disbelief.
I can suspend disbelief long enough to convince myself that Santino Marella is, in fact, from Italy. Or that John Cena's Attitude Adjustment somehow legitimately constitutes a legitimate finishing move.
I cannot, however, suspend disbelief long enough to ignore the laws of physics and common sense.
This move is ridiculous and makes me loathe the very inclusion of Divas matches when Kelly Kelly is allowed to (poorly) execute this.
As an aside, I cringe whenever I even hear the ridiculous moniker "Kelly Kelly." For those old enough to remember, this was a joke on the sitcom Cheers from 1989.
Tie: Santino Marella & Hornswoggle
Comedy is a subjective thing.
It is widely accepted that Santino Marella and Hornswoggle remain on the roster to provide comic relief.
To me, they are neither funny nor worthy of TV time.
Considering that WWE programming was on the cusp of something extraordinary when CM Punk dropped his "worked shoot pipe bomb" in June of this year, it is incomprehensible why the writers would still try and score cheap laughs with these two bit players.
As Punk was able to prove, the truth is funnier than anything scripted.
Both of these characters currently add nothing to the RAW viewing experience. Their very presence on the program is unbearable.
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As mentioned, despite these aspects of Monday night programming, I remain a fan of RAW.
These are the five things I abhor the most, and this list is overshadowed by the many positives of the show, particularly in the past six months.
I welcome your feedback to see whether any of these strike a similar chord for you when watching RAW, or if I have made a glaring error of omission.