Dear Mr. Ford...
I would like to put my name in the running for a front office position with the Lions. I'm not particular about the position. I'll even get the Starbucks in the mornings, if need be. My preference would be for either Coach or President/CEO.
Now, I'm sure you've probably never heard of me, but let me tell you a little about myself. I'm sure after reading this you'll realize why I would be perfect for your team.
I was born in Michigan in 1983. Nobody in my family really liked sports, I found them on my own. I started making my family watch the Thanksgiving day games at about five years old. I watched the team through the glory years. Barry Sanders, Herman Moore, and Scott Mitchell.
I watched any game I could. That got to be a bit difficult when I moved to Florida. It was okay though, because I could normally watch at least the two games against Tampa Bay on TV. Then something about realigning the divisions came out, and Tampa Bay wasn't in the same division anymore.
I signed up to play high school football. I played three years total. Freshman and two years of Junior Varsity. I didn't get on the field much, so I was always an asset to the coaches. My areas that I specialized in were offensive and defensive line. The two most important positions on a winning football team.
I always keep up with College Football. I make mock drafts every year. Put players to teams by need, then by talent. This past draft I got seven right! I have to tell you, I missed on Godser Cherilus though. I didn't have him going 'til late in the second round.
I play fantasy football, so I pay very close attention to statistics. I know which areas are the best to focus on. On your team, what you need is people who get touchdowns. I know who all of them are.
Now this may be the most impressive part. I've been a Madden player since the very first game came out. Now it may be difficult for you to believe this, but every year I've been in charge of the Lions, they've gone undefeated. Now you might say that it's just a video game. To that I'd say this, Madden Football is a way of life Sir! Madden has taught me everything I need to know about the salary cap. The Lions had a lot of it left this year.
Now if my credentials so far haven't sold you, I'm sure this will. I'm a people person. I always lend a helping hand. Whenever old ladies need a hand with their groceries, I'm there. With my personality, and your money, we can get all the best coaches and players. Now, I've messaged Bill Cower a couple times on Myspace, and he's promised me that if I get the job, he'll coach your team.
I'd like to discuss money with you as well. As I'm sure that's something important to you. I'm sure you're asking yourself, "With all these credentials, can I even afford this guy?" Here's my offer to you. I'll work for your team, again, in any capacity, for only $50,000.
Here's the kicker, I'll let you stipulate in my contract that if we don't win at least two games more than this year, you can fire me without pay. Now I know what you must be thinking. Why would someone be so willing to put themselves out there, for so cheap? The answer is simple, I love the Detroit Lions.
So Sir, if you're interested in hiring me, you can contact me through this site, Myspace.com, Facebook.com, or through my fantasy football website. I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Lions in the Super Bowl in 2010!
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