WWE Night of Champions 2011: The 5 Ugliest Championship Belts in WWE History
Yesterday, I went over the 10 best-looking belts in WWE history, and in the comments someone suggested that I follow it up with a list of the worst. Well, ask and ye shall receive.
While there have always been ugly belts in wrestling, WWE has started to think outside of the box in recent years. This is led to some real atrocities.
So, here we go. It's time to look at the five worst, ugliest, most ill-conceived belts in the history of WWE.
5) WWE United States Championship Belt (2003-Present)
WWE brought back WCW's United States Championship in 2003 with...that.
I can see why they thought this was a good idea, but the flag dominates the belt way too much and the sharp tip is weird looking. It's not ridiculous, just bad, so let's move on to the more amusingly bad belts.
4) John Cena's WWE United States Championship Spinner Belt (2004)
Ah, the halcyon days when a blinged-out spinner belt was clearly just a temporary gimmick for John Cena. It actually looked like it was taken from a car and miniaturized. Plus, it fit his gimmick at the time.
Still, look at that thing. It looks like someone designed it using Blingee. It would be at home on someone's MySpace page, which I guess makes sense since it was only used in 2004. All that's missing is awful music blaring every time you see it.
3) WWE Championship Belt (2005-Present)
The spinner WWE Championship Belt is simultaneously more and less ridiculous that the U.S. Championship version. More ridiculous because it doesn't actually look like a real-life spinner, it just has a giant blinged out spinning WWE logo. Less ridiculous because it doesn't look like a Blingee photo.
The real problem is that while the belt eventually lost the spinner gimmick, they never switched away from it when Cena lost the belt, which they did when Steve Austin lost his custom WWF Championship belt to someone. As a result, we've been stuck with guys like Triple H, Randy Orton and CM Punk wearing a blinged-out WWE Championship belt, which doesn't suit them at all.
When you think of Triple H, do you think of bling and hip-hop culture? No, you don't because he loves heavy metal, especially the music and aesthetics of Motorhead, up to and including borderline Nazi symbols like the iron cross.
Triple H is a member of the McMahon family by marriage who loves heavy metal, and he wears clothing with symbols that are at least mildly hostile to ethnic minorities. He still had to wear that monstrosity. Maybe the spinning WWE logo hypnotized Vince like a spinning swirly pattern.
I'm not one of those guys who thinks they're desecrating the WWE Championship or anything like that, I just think it looks completely ridiculous. Hell, even Cena has dropped the rapper gimmick, so it doesn't even suit him that well, either.
Look, I get that they sell a ton of toy and replica belts to kids who love Cena, but why not go halfway and just use the belt when Cena is champion (which is most of the time)? Especially since the belt it replaced was pretty awesome.
Hang on kids, because somehow that was only the third worst belt in WWE history...
2) WWE Divas' Championship Belt (2008-Present)
In 1998, WWE brought back the Women's Championship with a belt that was unique but simple: It looked more like a boxing title belt than something a wrestler would wear.
In 2002, Raw and Smackdown became separate "brands."
In 2008, WWE introduced a separate title for the women on Smackdown, the Divas' Championship. This belt is certainly unique as well. It's also shaped like a butterfly and covered in pink detailing and "girly" writing.
The idiotic thought process behind the belt's design is so transparently ridiculous and borderline offensive that it's amazing:
1. Use lots of pink because it's for women.
2. Use frilly writing because it's for women.
3. Base the main plate around a butterfly shape because women love butterflies! There's all sorts of symbolism about women and butterflies and those women are so wacky that they get tattoos of them on their lower backs when they get drunk!
I can only hope it was Vince McMahon's idea after seeing a more conservative design: "THAT BELT ISN'T FEMININE ENOUGH, DAMMIT! IT NEEDS PINK AND GIRLY WRITING AND BUTTERFLIES!"
1) WWE Tag Team Championship Belts (2010-Present)
The U.S. Championship belt is a decent idea that's overdone.
The spinners are gaudy.
The Divas' belt is odd and vaguely offensive.
What in the name of Zeus were they thinking?
The belts don't actually look so bad up close, but most people aren't looking at them up close like that. They see them in the context of watching WWE's TV shows and WWE.com photos, like the one above of Bret Hart introducing them to the public.
In that context, the belts look like they're made up of giant pennies. With gladiator helmets on them.
Why did this happen? How could this happen? Did nobody look at the belts in the context of wrestlers holding them?
"Hey, guess what, you're WWE Tag Team Champions! We got rid of the older, awesome belts, so instead you each get a penny!
Why are you looking so sad? It's the only American coin with the president on both sides, and we added GLADIATORS to it! UFC fans love gladiators, so maybe they'll love these new belts!"
Plus, these belts were ready for months before being used on TV, which makes you wonder...was everyone afraid to use them until Vince McMahon saw them and said, "GET THESE ON TV NOW, THEY HAVE GLADIATORS, DAMMIT!"?