7 Alternative Sponsors for Georges St-Pierre
One of the ways we know MMA has hit the mainstream is that UFC fighters are finally endorsing products other than supplements and hideous, skull-covered T-shirts.
GSP is one of the sport’s most popular champions so he is as likely as anyone to make the leap to national spokesperson, even if he has the personality of a bucket of wet hair.
Here are seven products outside of the norm that would be great sponsors for Georges St-Pierre.
Ain't Nuthin' but a G Thang
Dre doesn't have enough Canadians in his stable...
Dr. Dre’s career was resurrected by his discovery of one pale white dude—why not another?
Dre gave Eminem street cred, and he could do the same for GSP, who badly needs it. After all, you can’t get less hood than a white French Canadian.
Dre’s headphones, Monster Beats, will do the trick. Even if GSP secretly uses them to bump Celine Dion and Bryan Adams.
Syrup Suckers Unite!
Sure, she's sweety and sexy, but it's time for a new look
Let’s face it, Mrs. Butterworth's has limited appeal, mostly to those who want to wrap their hands around a matronly woman and pour sweet goo from her head.
Canadians have often been derogatively referred to as “Syrup Suckers.” It is time to reclaim that word and use it to empower your people. Don’t be ashamed of who you are GSP!
Mac and Cheese
GSP is cheesy, but he could be cheesier
What better way to put an ironic twist on GSP’s French heritage than to endorse a food which uses processed macaroni and bright orange powdered cheese product?
The French are known for their gastronomic snobbery, so this would be a good way for GSP to endear himself to the American heartland.
The "get ‘er done" crowd has a natural distrust of all things French, but their enlarged hearts could be won over by GSP grubbing a big bowl of mac and cheese. Even more so if he adds chopped-up hot dogs.
Drop Lance Armstrong and pick up GSP!
I am picturing a commercial in which GSP is shopping for a GPS navigation device and ends up in a “Who’s on first”-type exchange with a dyslexic Radio Shack clerk.
I Am a French Canadian; The Red House Is for Me!
Big Head, Ten Gauge, and GSP?
This North Carolina furniture chain features Big Head and Ten Gauge, who are not only furniture experts but proponents of racial harmony.
Why not extend this beyond the borders? “Where black people and white people and even French- Canadian people buy furniture!”
GSP could be the new face of racial tolerance in the American south.
If you haven't seen this video, do yourself a favor and watch it now.
Cerveza: Breakfast of Champions
GSP is obviously well known above the border, but how about below?
Anderson Silva is the Jackie Robinson of finely-tuned UFC fighters endorsing poison (Burger King), but it is not too late for GSP.
If there is one thing that can unite all of the peoples of North America, it is love of beer. Modelo Especial is a beloved Mexican beer that would help promote GSP and UFC to our neighbors to the south.
Plus, if you want to be a top UFC fighter, the way to do it is by eating Burger King and drinking beer.
Float Like a Butterfly Sting Like Herpes?
How are those herpes George?
Alexandra Wyman/Getty Images
It is well known within the fighting world that staph infections and cold sores (herpes) are often spread from fighter to fighter. It is one of the inevitable parts of rolling around on mats soaked with sweat.
GSP could help enlighten the public as well as give some joy to those who have long been stigmatized by all types of herpes.
I have a feeling that it would take a 10-match losing streak, a cocaine addiction, a messy divorce and bankruptcy for GSP to consider being the spokesman for Valtrex, but you never know.
If Rafael Palmeiro can handle all of the Viagra jokes, I am sure GSP can take some gentle herpes ribbing.