Tennis QuoteBook: What They Said, Really Meant and Definitely Did Not

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I don't really watch a lot of tennis until the Slams but I do catch up on tennis coverage---in the papers, magazines and especially online.

What grabs my attention is the sound bytes made by players post matches, how they react to wins and losses and what they think about their rivals.

There is a monotonous sameness to the endless press conferences and as Caroline Wozniacki, Maria Sharapova and Rafael Nadal recently pointed out, players are jaded by the tour. They are old before their time.

It is, thus, a refreshing surprise to gain fresh perspective on the sport via quotes from competitors and persons in authority.

Five recitations from Stacey Allaster, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga, Venus Williams and Li Na.

What they said, really meant and definitely didn't. 

Stacey Allaster Re-Discovers DNA

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What she said:

"Our DNA is different.”

WTA CEO, Stacey Allaster, says that women grunting on court can be put down to the difference between the sexes.

What she really meant:

“I’ve read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ like a million times. It’s my gospel.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Now, that explains why Serena Williams serves quicker than most men on the tour.”

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga Knows Who's an Alien and Who's Not

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What he said:

"He plays incredible tennis, but he’s not an alien.”

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga is convinced that Novak Djokovic is not an extra-terrestrial despite playing extraordinary tennis this year. Tsonga adds: “In fact, what he does is doing everything better than the others. He doesn’t hit harder, he doesn’t hit the ball earlier. But he’s always there.

"This is tiring when you play against him. He does not have the best return on the tour. But on every return, he returns well, and he’s always there. So what does it is his consistency, and he has no weaknesses."

What he really meant:

“If Novak’s an alien, then so are the rest of us. It’s just that he does it over a longer period.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“Djokovic’s alienated.”

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga Is Not an One-Armed Gladiator

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What he said:

"I don’t have the pretension to try to beat Novak without my arm."

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga is more than realistic about his chances against Novak Djokovic without a ‘good arm’. The Frenchman conceded his semi-final at Montreal 4-6, 0-3 complaining of pain in his right appendage.

What he really meant:

“I have one tennis-playing arm and one racket. I’m not ambidextrous.”

What he definitely didn’t:

“It’s not golf. We don’t play handicapped.”

Li Na Does Not Need Quipping Agents

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What she said:

"I would like to say, my agent doing good job."

Li Na’s response to her signing on by Mercedes-Benz and Haagen-Dazs,making her the highest earning female athlete after Maria Sharapova, is as funny as her other wisecracks.

What she really meant:

“I play tennis. I bag trophies. My agent plays sponsors. My agent bags endorsements.”

What she definitely didn’t:

“Sharapova’s agent is doing a better job. Can I have him instead?”

Venus Williams Loves Packages, in All Shapes and Sizes

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What she said:

“I just like to receive fun packages. I don’t open the packages with orthotics in them or the sports shorts. (Laughs) I’ll open the ones with the DVDs and the new books and the new clothes. I got a textbook in my last package—I find those exciting, sadly. [What subject?] Organizational behavior.”

Venus Williams loves to receive packages of any kind. Books, DVDs, clothes are par for the course. Textbooks are exciting, paradoxically.

What she really meant:

“It feels like Christmas every time I receive one.”

What she definitely did not: 

“I want a manual: ‘How To Play Tennis Like A Pro.’ Get me one of those.”

Disclaimer

Matthew Stockman/Getty Images

Disclaimer:

All "What They Said" quotes are true and attributed.

All "What They Really Meant" and "What They Definitely Didn't" quotes are fictional.