We all know that Mike Leach is among the best sources for soundbites in college football. He leaves you asking one question after most of his press conferences. "What in the heck is he talking about?" Be it giving dating advice, using coffee as an insecticide, discussin pirate lore, giving a weather forecast or just going off on a tangent, Leach never says anything that typifies a football coach.
His players admit that they have trouble following his locker room antics, but that they just embrace it and go out and play. In addition to all of this wackiness, they guy's actually a pretty good football coach. So I've taken the liberty of compiling a list of some of my favorite Mike Leach quotes, I hope you enjoy the laughs...
NEW ADDITION: On Mike Gundy's "I'm a man...I'm 40!" Rant:
"I'm I'm 47, I still haven't made man"
On players fighting in practice:
"If you get into a fight, don't take your helmet off...We're looking for smart football players, not dumb ones. In the interest of time, don't get into any more fights today."
On the officials in the 2007 Tech-Texas game in Austin:
"It's a little like breakfast; you eat ham and eggs. As coaches and players, we're like the ham. You see, the chicken's involved but the pig's committed. We're like the pig, they're like the chicken. They're involved, but everything we have rides on this."
On his first win with Texas Tech against the New Mexico Lobos:
"It's kind of like doing surgery with a chainsaw instead of a scalpel. We had pieces and parts flying everywhere. It turned out in our favor. We've just got to clean it up the next time around."
More on the New Mexico game:
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but this was an upset wasn't it?"
On beating Texas in 2002, when asked if he regretted not hyping Kliff Kingsbury more:
"I don't even remember what I said. I hope whatever I said was cute and clever, and maybe even a tiny bit humorous. I hope it wasn't mindless babble, and if it was, hopefully everyone will forget about it pretty quick."
On the differences between Lubbock and Wyoming:
''The people are incredibly similar. They're very friendly people here. The weather's nicer here. The mountains are shorter here.''
On his goal of having the defense allow fewer points:
"Well, we're aiming for zero, but I imagine we'll end up somewhere north of that."
On our team's expectations in 2006:
"Well, outside of Lubbock, expectations aren't very high. But it's okay, we play in Lubbock a lot this season"
On Tech fans and Aggie fans (this one seems particularly poignant given all the griping I've heard recently by Texas fans):
"A&M wants to rip on our fans and all that. Our fans are as good as their fans are. One thing our fans don't do is sit around and whine about other teams' fans. A&M spent a significant part of the week whining about what our fans are like."
More on the same:
"It's interesting to me that all these Aggies—whether they're at A&M or here—are sitting around with halos over their heads and they have some divine expertise on fanmanship. I just don't believe that's the case. For the record, I think our fans are better than the Aggie fans."
On the Aggie Corps of Cadets:
"How come they get to pretend they are soldiers? The thing is, they aren't actually in the military. I ought to have Mike's Pirate School. The freshmen, all they get is the bandanna. When you're a senior, you get the sword and skull and crossbones. For homework, we'll work pirate maneuvers and stuff like that."
On "system" quarterbacks:
"If B.J. is a product of the system, then he's not getting any of those touchdown passes and all those yards. That means our coaching staff is," Leach said. "That would also mean we could go down to 7-Eleven and get the clerk behind the counter and let him play quarterback."
On BJ's 661 passing yards against NC State:
"It's better than 660 yards, but not as good as 662 yards."
On the faked field goal against NC State, when asked if it was supposed to be a run or a pass:
"Your guess is as good as mine."
On being asked what bowl game he wanted to go to after his first season at Tech, notching a 7-5 record:
"The Rose Bowl."
On momentum in the first half of the 2001 Alamo Bowl:
"Oh I don't know. We haven't played worth a damn."
On the ninja formation:
"The ninja formation is still lurking around back there, and I would expect to see it sometime in the future. I can't tell you exactly when because that is strictly classified."
On how Tech was going to handle the wind during the 2002 Iowa State game:
"I know that in Ames, Iowa, they fancy themselves being experts on the wind, but in Lubbock, Texas, we'll put our wind up against your wind in Iowa. We practice against it all the time."
On John Harris complementing North Texas:
"I guess so John, but you know...we could tackle somebody and it might make a difference."
On the 2003 team:
"This year's team could beat last year's team's ass."
"Everybody's all surprised every time this stuff happens. It surprises me everybody gets surprised, because it happens every year like this that there are surprises. The most surprising thing would be if there weren't any surprises. So therefore, in the final analysis, none of it's really that surprising."
On running up the score against Nebraska in 2004 (the final as 70-10):
"The interesting thing about football is that football is the only sport where you quit playing when you get a lead. In golf, you keep trying to score well when you’re ahead.
"In basketball, they don’t quit shooting when they’re ahead. In hockey, they don’t quit shooting when they’re ahead. In boxing, you don’t quit punching when you’re ahead. But in football, somehow magically, you’re supposed to quit playing when you’re ahead. Well, I don’t subscribe to that. I don’t do it like that. And you know, the truth of the matter is, Nebraska never has either."
On his strategy against Cal in the 2004 Holiday Bowl:
"Like everybody, you go out there and it’s first down. And you say, 'get 10. Get 10. Yes!' If you get two, you say, 'get eight, get eight, get eight.' Then you get another first down and then you score some points. Defensively, you try to stop them."
On the team's turnaround during the Cal game after trailing 14-7:
"Cal was playing harder than we were, so we sort of had a get-in-touch-with-your-feelings kind of conversation where everybody got kind fuzzy-goosy feelings for each other, and our intensity increased."
On Leach being on the list for other coaching jobs across the country:
"As a head coach, you're on two lists. You're the guy that might get fired, or you're the guy who might go somewhere. Given the two lists, I guess that's the one to be on."