US Men's Soccer: 5 Foreign Coaches Who Could Replace Bradley
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After five years in charge, US coach Bob Bradley is gone. In honor of his service, today has been declared “Track Suit Friday.”
Just to prove that the US excels in everything, including bureaucracy, the USSF released a statement on Thursday that they would release a statement sometime mid-Friday. What the statement will say, nobody outside the USSF knows, but most are hoping it will include an encouraging appointment at the head of Team US.
So, while Bradley joins the rest of Unemployed America for the great deals on midday matinees, the rest of us get to track down possible-replacement rumors.
One such rumor that has a bit of stick to it is that the next coach will be of foreign descent.
He's Tan, He's Rested, He's Jürgen
He's tan, he's rested, he's Jürgen.
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With all the unrequited love, that list is topped by none other than Jürgen Klinsmann.
He’s young, lives in California, and has the charisma Bradley so badly lacked. All of that makes him a favorite of the fans (outside of Germany, anyway, where he had a horrible season as manager of Bayern Munich, but we won’t get into that).
It Takes a Special Man to Wear an Orange Tie
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Speaking of ousted Bayern coaches, Louis Van Gaal is looking for work. If appointed, the Dutchman would likely bring with him his attacking tactics and his belief that all journalists are lazy idiots. While many of them are, Van Gaal’s inability to deal with the media (and Mark Van Bommel) “raises many questions,” as a lazy, idiot journalist might say.
Martin O'Neill: Like Bradley, He Can Stare
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Martin O'Neill is also on the list of foreign coaches looking for a paycheck. O'Neill was formerly in charge of Aston Villa and was respected by other coaches for his tactical acumen. Being respected for tactical acumen is a lot like being described as “nice,” as when you ask a friend to describe someone you’re interested in and your friend replies, “Oh, he/she is nice.” No sex appeal. No future.
Marcello Lippi: Great for PBS
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Marcello Lippi has made it clear that he is desperately looking for a ticket to Brazil in 2014. A World Cup-winning manager, Lippi’s down-side is that he’s articulate, knowledgeable and philosophical, none of which translate to a highlight reel.
Then again, Wikipedia briefly listed him as US coach...
He's Unemployed, He Has Blue Ties: Carlo Ancelotti
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Former Chelsea boss, Carlo Ancelotti, was fired after finishing second in the league, a standard he wouldn’t have to worry about as US coach. Being a smart man, Ancelotti is unlikely to give up the luxuries his fat payout affords him for a stressful, long-hour gig at the underpaid helm of the US team. But on the plus side, he would be able to wear those beautiful dark suits and blue ties he had tailor-made for his Chelsea job.