'Tis the Season for Cubs Fans

'Tis the season...to be bitter if you're a fan of the Chicago Cubs.

We thought life was bad when Bartman "didn't interfere" with Moises Alou in 2003, and we went on to suffer an epic collapse. And then, the next few seasons, life tossed enough salt in our wound to attract deer—of all the teams in Major League Baseball, the Boston Red Sox, Chicago White Sox, and St. Louis Cardinals won championships. Two "cursed" franchises, and the bloody Cardinals.

But now it's officially worse. Philadelphia has a banner to raise.

Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled for the fans of the team with the most losses of any professional sports franchise on record in the world. They've had a rough couple decades since they won their one other World Series in 1980. Curt Schilling left, John Kruk didn't, and the Vet isn't home any more. That's a rough life.

Boo-de-frickin-hoo.

In my mind, sports are the balance for life in the United States. There are aspects of all sports that just need to be a certain way for the equilibrium of the world to be alright. Texas, Michigan, Notre Dame, and Southern Cal all need to have good football teams, with the Michigan verses Ohio State game meaning something.

The Bears and Packers need to play two meaningful games a year, as do the Eagles and Cowboys. The Celtics and Lakers need to be better than the rest of the NBA. Everyone should hate the Yankees, Red Wings, and Raiders.

And the Phillies need to be bad.

Now, the mojo that carries this world on its axis is so far off that I'm not sure I'll be able to walk across the street to get lunch today. The Phillies, with premier whiff artist Ryan Howard and Dave Matthews look-alike Pat Burrell, are champions with a pitcher the Cubs got rid of because he wasn't good enough... in 1988! Jamie Moyer is getting a World Series ring in 2008... and it isn't as an executive or coach? Certainly you're kidding!

To make matters worse, they beat the Tampa Bay Rays, a team that has averaged over 90 losses per season since they opened their doors.

How is it that everyone on earth has the "formula" to build a winner except the Cubs? Where is all this home-grown talent that we see every year in October? And where do we sign up for the handouts from the baseball gods that have mocked us for being Cubs fans for a century?

I'm going to need a stiff drink and a leather couch to lay on at $100 an hour to get through this winter.