The Press Conference All-Stars
For every million press conferences where nothing happens, there is that one that spontaneously combusts into a mushroom cloud of entertaining rants and comedic genius.
You know, that one that comes after an especially tough loss or exciting win that has the coach or player in that rare moment of emotional unawareness.
Let's not forget the reporters either, as they can be responsible for not only asking a question that garners a comedic moment or curse-laced rant, but also can sound foolish on live television, which makes everyone happy.
Here are the most classic press conferences available.
*Note: For this slideshow, I am sticking to the format of the subject sitting down in front of a large number of microphones in front of reporters. I don't want this turning into every interview ever conducted.
No. 25: NBA Playoffs
A bit of a warm-up before we dive in real deep with the press conference all-stars.
1) What do you think the reporter from No. 9 did afterwards? Did it involve a cliff?
2) My personal favorite has to be the No. 3 one because if I were a coach, telling everyone to get the f*** out of the way would be my go-to move—always.
Which is why I am probably sitting here writing this.
(Ignore No. 1 and 5!)
No. 24: Kevin Garnett
To many, KG is regarded as the biggest a-hole in the NBA.
Here he is publicly humiliating Paul Pierce for wearing North Face boots.
Now that I think about it, Pierce deserves it. North Face already makes enough money with fraternities and sororities stocking up on their jackets.
Plus, how can you ever be mad when Brian Scalabrine was on your team?
No. 23: Dirk Nowitzki
June 8, 2006 after Game 1 of the 2006 NBA Finals, in which the Dallas Mavericks defeated the Miami Heat.
A fly, unaware that it will surely be used as a simultaneous metaphor for LeBron James, the Miami Heat and Dirk's doubters five years later, buzzes onto the table.
Without hesitation, Ze German seizes the moment, pissing off PETA.
No. 22: Yao Ming
Ask anyone who has played a sport with someone who doesn't speak the team's national language.
Just ask anyone who played on the Cleveland Indians in Major League II.
You might say Ron Artest (excuse me, Metta World Peace) and Tracy McGrady are the stars of these press conferences, but you should know the real star here is Yao.
He is the assist man, letting these two shine while he stands back like a proud parent in the crowd.
No. 21: Tiger Woods
February 19, 2010:
I will never forget the moment I saw a real-life robot walk in front of a seated crowd and put together a human apology.
The kinks still needed to be worked out, as the robot was only able to speak in pauses.
In all seriousness, this might have been the most awkward thing I have ever seen on television.
That is saying something, since my friends and I once stumbled upon a stand-up comedy performance by Lisa Lampanelli at the Adult Movie Awards on Showtime.
Ironically, Tiger might have been with some of those watching in the crowd.
No. 20: Jeremy Roenick/Patrick Roy
Who knew that a controversial call in the 1996 Western Conference semifinals would spawn a verbal battle for the ages?
After Roenick had a breakaway and was tripped with no penalty shot called, Roy responded that he would have stopped his shot anyway.
Then the party started.
No. 19: Mike Singletary
This was after a 34-13 loss to the Seahawks on October 26, 2008.
I would absolutely love to see Allen Iverson in the same room as Mike Singletary during this rant.
No. 18: Mike Ditka
What's the difference between Ditka and God?
Trick question: Ditka is God.
Think about the gall of the guy who asked Ditka why he was in a bad mood.
This, of course, is the best press conference, but these from the '80s are great too.
No. 17: Derek Anderson
This happened at a press conference after the Cardinals were down 18 and Derek Anderson was caught on camera laughing with lineman Deuce Lutui.
The two guys were probably laughing over the fact that his name is Deuce, but anyway...
Derek Anderson didn't think anything was funny when asked what was so funny.
No. 16: Avery Johnson
Late in Game 5 of the 2006 NBA Finals, Dwyane Wade drove to the basket, leading to a controversial foul call. You know, the type of call he didn't get this time around.
Eddie Sefko then got put on notice after he tried to bait Avery Johnson into a fine.
People from all over the globe showed up for this one after Dallas lost to Wade and the Miami Heat.
No. 15: Herman Edwards
On October 30, 2002, a reporter asked about the Jets' ability to win after a tough loss to the Cleveland Browns.
I don't blame Herm for being this pissed.
I would be too if I lost to the Cleveland Browns at any point in time.
No. 14: Mike Gundy
On the surface, this looks like a valiant coach defending quarterback Bobby Reid.
You should read this article, which paints a picture of the famous and funny Mike Gundy rant not being everything it seems to be.
Even if Gundy's rant wasn't genuine, it is still damn funny.
No. 13: Dennis Green
"I wouldn't say it's more important than winning 117 [NFL] games, four division titles, drafting Randy Moss, coaching Jerry Rice...I've done a few things in my career."
That is a quote from Dennis Green in an article by Gene Wojciechowski.
How messed up is it to think that all of your life accomplishments could basically be forgotten after a moment of anger?
No. 12: Giovanni Trapattoni
I have not one clue what he is saying, but he is really pissed, which makes me laugh quite a bit.
But what might be funnier is that he doesn't really know what he is saying.
That is because Trapattoni is a native Italian speaking German the best way he knows how.
This is proof that if you yell in German, pretty much everyone believes you're speaking it fluently.
No. 11: Kevin Borseth
This is one of those moments where I am ecstatic to have the technology of video and the Internet.
This was done in front of six people.
If he has this much passion for women's basketball, I don't even want to think about what would happen if he coached a men's team.
If he did, he would no doubt explode from the scrutiny.
No. 10: Lee Elia
What's funnier about this rant by the former Chicago Cubs manager?
A) The fact that 38 F-words were used
B) The description of Cubs fans still being accurate to this day, with the exception of how many people are in the stands.
No. 9: Riddick Bowe
I have to give credit to this as one of the best because it's the greatest punch landed during a press conference.
The slow motion really adds flair.
There are plenty of other great press conference boxing brawls—you can see them in the Mike Tyson slide, which is a few slides over.
No. 8: Terrell Owens
Much like the scene from Wayne's World, someone needs to make this video with the subtitle "Oscar Clip" at the bottom.
Even his agent Drew Rosenhaus gets in on the act of great press conferences. They must work on them together.
No. 7: Metta World Peace
No. 37 for the Los Angeles Lakers was formerly known as Ron Artest.
This had to be nervous laughter because, as we all know, World Peace is capable of anything.
I honestly wonder what he is going to do once he is done with basketball.
I really do.
No. 6: Allen Iverson
"How the hell can I make my teammates better by practicing?"
Iverson's street cred plummeted after this Freudian slip.
No. 5: Hal McRae
An interview that leads to objects being thrown off a desk and a reporter leaving with blood running down his face has to be referred to as a complete success in my opinion.
The rage buildup is similar to that of my buddy Luke, who recently broke his hand punching a fridge, broke our oven door and shattered a hot sauce bottle, all in the name of the soccer video game FIFA.
Both of them rise up slowly, mumbling incoherently until suddenly, things are being thrown, something is being broken and someone is leaving injured.
No. 4: Mike Tyson
Whenever I see this, I imagine the people who put it together trying to explain to Mike Tyson what he can and can't do, like a child.
"Now, Mike. Play nice with Lennox."
Then, once Tyson starts walking towards Lennox Lewis, those same people being like:
"What's Mike doing? No. Mike. Mike. MIKE! NO!!!!"
For some more enjoyment, here are some more great press conference brawls.
No. 3: Shaquille O'Neal
Here is my personal favorite Shaq press conference moment.
(Yeah, I said no interviews, but some of his best moments can't be found without these top-10 lists, so whatever.)
Of course, Shaq had to go out in his own way, right?
I am really going to miss Shaq.
To cope, I pulled out Kazaam and Shaq Fu from my closet for some enjoyable times.
Unfortunately, I did that in my imagination because I don't own either of those things.
No. 2: Bob Knight
This SportsCenter Top 10 features a number of Bob Knight's classic press conferences.
My favorite might be the whip since I honestly believe he wanted to turn it onto the reporters there.
That scene in my mind's eye may be one of the funniest things I could possibly imagine.
Knight trying to be a psychic and flipping out on reporters after losing a game against Missouri are great to watch too.
Because nothing makes me laugh more than watching people make jokes while they are very angry.
No. 1: Scoops Callahan
Scoops Callahan is a 1920s swashbuckling character played by Tom Gribble, a Dallas radio host who started pranking athletes in 2005 by asking questions in high-pitched 1920s lingo.
What makes this awesome, in my opinion, is that it could possibly be the very last question ever directed at Phil Jackson as a head coach.
If it angered you, you take life way too seriously.