The 25 Most Entertaining Sports Quotes

Ethan NovakAnalyst IIJune 9, 2011

The 25 Most Entertaining Sports Quotes

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    TAMPA, FL - FEBRUARY 26:  Hall of Famer Yogi Berra of the New York Yankees stands in the dugout just prior to the start of the Grapefruit League Spring Training Game against the Philadelphia Phillies at George M. Steinbrenner Field on February 26, 2011 in
    J. Meric/Getty Images

    It happens often in the sporting world.  A professional athlete, announcer, coach, or other sports figure is caught up in the emotion of the moment and says something so downright clever, unintentionally funny, or ridiculously asinine that you can't help but think: "What in the world was going through their head at that moment?"

    Some of these quotes are as old as the sports themselves, some are more recent, but they are all equally entertaining.  

    With that said, I present to you 25 of the funniest, dumbest and strangest quotes you can find in the world of sports.

Charles Barkley: NBA

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    LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 20:  Former NBA player Charles Barkley arrives to the T-Mobile Magenta Carpet at the 2011 NBA All-Star Game on February 20, 2011 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images)
    Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "I love New York City; I've got a gun."

    A gun is probably the right choice. Although I would willingly pay to watch Barkley defend himself with a golf club.

Tug McGraw: MLB

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    PHILADELPHIA - APRIL 4:  Manager Larry Bowa of the Philadelphia Phillies stands next to the jersey of former player Tug McGraw during the game against the Pittsburgh Pirates at Veterans Stadium on April 4, 2003 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  McGraw had s
    Al Bello/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    (When asked if he preferred AstroTurf over grass)

    "I don't know. I never smoked AstroTurf."

    Never?!? Well, pull up a chair, Tuggy-boy.  

Pete Incaviglia: MLB

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    6 Mar 1999: Outfielder Pete Incaviglia #24 of the Arizona Diamondbacks swings during the Spring Training game against the Chicago White Sox  at the Tucson Electric Park in Tucson, Arizona.
    Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000."

    Hey Pete, screw you.  

Doug Collins: NBA

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    PHILADELPHIA, PA - APRIL 21: Head coach Doug Collins of the Philadelphia 76ers reacts to an officials call during the second half of game three of the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals against the Miami Heat at Wells Fargo Center on April 21, 2011 in Phila
    Rob Carr/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "Anytime Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win."

    The poor Pistons just can't catch a break.  Last year they beat a team 101-95 and still lost.

Adrian Peterson: NFL

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    PHILADELPHIA, PA - DECEMBER 28:  Adrian Peterson #28 of the Minnesota Vikings runs against the Philadelphia Eagles at Lincoln Financial Field on December 26, 2010 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
    Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    (On the NFL)

    "It's modern-day slavery, you know?"

    Meanwhile, starving children in third-world countries have zero complaints about their paradise.

Garry Lyon: AFL

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    DUBLIN, IRELAND - OCTOBER 15: Australian coach Garry Lyon speaks during the International Rules Press Conference at Croke Park on October 15, 2004 in Dublin, Ireland.  (Photo by Patrick Bolger/Getty Images)
    Getty Images/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "Farmer has now scored 19 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season."

    The part of Lyon's brain that understands math was clearly demolished during his days as an Australian football player.

Pat Williams: NBA

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    The Quote:

    (On his Orlando Magic's 7-27 record)

    "We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." 

    Might I suggest a large cruise ship somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean?

Allen Iverson: NBA

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    CHICAGO - FEBRUARY 20: Allen Iverson #3 of the Philadelphia 76ers moves against the Chicago Bulls at the United Center on February 20, 2010 in Chicago, Illinois. The Bulls defeated the 76ers 122-90. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees tha
    Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "But we talkin' 'bout practice, man.  What are we talkin' 'bout?  Practice?  We talkin' 'bout practice man.  We talk...We talkin' 'bout practice.  We talkin' 'bout practice.  We ain't talkin' 'bout the game, we talkin' 'bout practice, man."

    Sorry, I had to take a whizz.  What were we talking about Allen?

Marv Cook: NFL

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    12 Sep 1993:  Tight end Marv Cook of the New England Patriots attempts to make a sideline catch during a game against the Detroit Lions at Foxboro Stadium in Foxboro, Massachusetts.  The Lions won the game in overtime, 19-16. Mandatory Credit: Rick Stewar
    Rick Stewart/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    (While a member of the New England Patriots)

    "We've got to find a way to win. I'm willing to start cheating."

    Rumor has it Bill Belichick has this quote painted in the Patriots' locker room.  

Charles Shackleford: NBA

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    LOS ANGELES - 1990:  Charles Shackleford #33 of the New Jersey Nets stands on the court during an NBA game in 1990. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, User is consenting to the terms and
    Ken Levine/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter.  I'm amphibious."

    I may never quite understand how Shackleford's handedness and his ability to live on both land or water are related.  All I know is I'm jealous.

Bob Uecker: MLB

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    PITTSBURGH, PA - APRIL 14:  Milwaukee Brewers broadcaster Bob Uecker waits on the field before the start of their game against the Pittsburgh Pirates at PNC Park on April 14, 2011 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images)
    Scott Halleran/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "I didn't get a lot of awards as a player. But they did have a Bob Uecker Day Off for me once in Philly."

    What would a list like this be without a classic Ueckerism?

George Robson: Racing

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    The Quote:

    (On winning the 1946 Indy 500)

    "All I had to do is keep turning left!"

    Even an Indy 500 winner can't make IndyCar Racing sound exciting.

Jim Mora: NFL

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    23 Dec 2001:  Head coach Jim Mora of the Indianapolis Colts during the game against the New York Jets at the RCA Dome in Indianapolis, Indiana. The Jets won 29-28. DIGITAL IMAGE. Mandatory Credit: Ron Hoskins/Getty Images
    Ron Hoskins/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "Playoffs?! Don't talk about playoffs! You kidding me?!"

    The quote will forever live on in the blogosphere whenever any bold writer discusses his team's chances of making the...playoffs.

Mike Tyson: Boxing

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    MILAN, ITALY - JULY 09:  Mike Tyson attends a press conference held at Just Cavalli Cafe on July 9, 2010 in Milan, Italy.  (Photo by Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty Images)
    Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    (On his upcoming fight with Lennox Lewis)

    "I am the most ruthless, brutal champion ever. There is no one who can match me... I want his heart. I
    want to eat his children."


Terrell Owens: NFL

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    DALLAS, TX - JUNE 05:  Terrell Owens attends Game Three of the 2011 NBA Finals between the Dallas Mavericks and the Miami Heat at American Airlines Center on June 5, 2011 in Dallas, Texas.  NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by dow
    Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "Don't say I don't get along with my teammates. I just don't get along with some guys on my team."

    We don't think you're an idiot, Terrell Owens. We think T.O. is.

Randy Moss: NFL

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    KANSAS CITY, MO - DECEMBER 26:  Receiver Randy Moss #84 of the Tennessee Titans warms up prior to the start of the game against the Kansas City Chiefs on December 26, 2010 at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City, Missouri.  (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images
    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "When you're rich, you don't write checks...straight cash homey."


Andre Dawson: MLB

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    WASHINGTON - AUGUST 10:  Andre Dawson #10 gets emotional watching a video tribute before the game between the Washington Nationals and the Florida Marlins at Nationals Park on August 10, 2010 in Washington, DC.  (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)
    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    (On being a role model)

    "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." 

    The following Sunday, during "Kids Run the Bases Night," Dawson was nowhere to be found.

    Side note: OK, seriously, what the heck!?

George Brett: MLB

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    KANSAS CITY, MO - MARCH 31:  Former player George Brett of the Kansas City Royals smiles as he is honored prior to the start of the opening day game against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim at Kauffman Stadium on March 31, 2011 in Kansas City, Missouri.
    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out."

    Dare I ask what it is like to win, George?

Winston Bennett: NBA

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    1989-1990:  Forward Winston Bennett of the Cleveland Cavaliers moves the ball during a game.
    Mike Powell/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "I've never had major knee surgery on any part of my body."

    Not even your knee?

Lou Duva: Boxing

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    1992: Trainer Lou Duva looks on.
    Al Bello/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”

    My six o'clock starts at 11 o'clock.  Who's with me!?!

George Rogers: NFL

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    1988:  Halfback George Rogers of the New Orleans Saints runs with the ball during a game against the Los Angeles Rams at Anaheim Stadium in Anaheim, California. Mandatory Credit: Rick Stewart  /Allsport
    Rick Stewart/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”

    I've never been to Georgia, but what the heck are you teaching people over there?

Babe Ruth: MLB

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    NEW YORK - MAY 02:  The plaque of Babe Ruth is seen in Monument Park at Yankee Stadium prior to game between the New York Yankees and the Chicago White Sox on May 2, 2010 in the Bronx borough of New York City. The Yankees defeated the White Sox 12-3.  (Ph
    Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    (When asked whether he should have a higher salary than the President)

    "Why not? I had a better year than he did."

    He has a point.  Herbert Hoover hit zero home runs that season.

Yogi Berra: MLB

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    NEW YORK - APRIL 13:  New York Yankee Hall of Famer Yogi Berra looks on prior to the Yankees playing the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim during the Yankees home opener at Yankee Stadium on April 13, 2010 in the Bronx borough of New York City.  (Photo by Jim
    Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

    First off I want to say that if there was a sports-quote heaven, Yogi Berra would be God.  It is that simple.  Here are a few gems from Mr. Berra.

    The Quotes:

    "Baseball is ninety-percent mental, the other half is physical."

    "All pitchers are liars or crybabies."

    "It's like deja vu all over again."

    "When you come to a fork in the road, take it."

    "It gets late early out here."

Jason Kidd: NBA

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    DALLAS, TX - JUNE 07:  Jason Kidd #2 of the Dallas Mavericks passes the ball against the Miami Heat in Game Four of the 2011 NBA Finals at American Airlines Center on June 7, 2011 in Dallas, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that
    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."

    The following conversation came shortly after:

    Kidd's Agent: Hey uh Jason?

    Kidd: Hello, my agent, what's up?

    Kidd's Agent: Yeah well, about what you said today.

    Kidd: So epic wasn't it!? Did you catch the part about us turning it around?

    Kidd's Agent: Yeah, I was just wondering if you knew that a 360-degree angle is a complete'd end up facing the same direction.

    Kidd: Uhh...

    Kidd's Agent: Yeah...

    Kidd: We're turning this around!

Jerry Coleman: MLB

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    NEW YORK - JULY 17:  Jerry Coleman is introduced during the New York Yankees 64th Old-Timer's Day before the MLB game against the Tampa Bay Rays on July 17, 2010 at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx borough of New York City.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
    Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

    The Quote:

    (While announcing)

    "There's a deep fly ball...Winfield goes back, back...his head hits the's rolling towards second base!"


Closing Statement

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    ALAMEDA, CA - JANUARY 18:  Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis speaks during a press conference on January 18, 2011 in Alameda, California. Hue Jackson was introduced as the new coach of the Oakland Raiders, replacing the fired Tom Cable.  (Photo by Justin Sul
    Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

    Chances are I missed your favorite quote of all time.  I'm not perfect, 25 is a generally small number compared to the thousands of idiotic sports quotes out there, and I didn't even have one soccer quote!  

    So I have a mission for all of you. Leave your favorite sports quote of all time in the comment section and berate me for leaving it off the list. Ready? Go!

    P.S. I hope you all enjoy this lovely photo of Al Davis.