The 25 Most Entertaining Sports Quotes
It happens often in the sporting world. A professional athlete, announcer, coach, or other sports figure is caught up in the emotion of the moment and says something so downright clever, unintentionally funny, or ridiculously asinine that you can't help but think: "What in the world was going through their head at that moment?"
Some of these quotes are as old as the sports themselves, some are more recent, but they are all equally entertaining.
With that said, I present to you 25 of the funniest, dumbest and strangest quotes you can find in the world of sports.
Charles Barkley: NBA
"I love New York City; I've got a gun."
A gun is probably the right choice. Although I would willingly pay to watch Barkley defend himself with a golf club.
Tug McGraw: MLB
(When asked if he preferred AstroTurf over grass)
"I don't know. I never smoked AstroTurf."
Never?!? Well, pull up a chair, Tuggy-boy.
Pete Incaviglia: MLB
"People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don't realize that most of us only make $500,000."
Hey Pete, screw you.
Doug Collins: NBA
"Anytime Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points, they almost always win."
The poor Pistons just can't catch a break. Last year they beat a team 101-95 and still lost.
Adrian Peterson: NFL
(On the NFL)
"It's modern-day slavery, you know?"
Meanwhile, starving children in third-world countries have zero complaints about their paradise.
Garry Lyon: AFL
"Farmer has now scored 19 goals, exactly double the number he scored last season."
The part of Lyon's brain that understands math was clearly demolished during his days as an Australian football player.
Pat Williams: NBA
(On his Orlando Magic's 7-27 record)
"We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."
Might I suggest a large cruise ship somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean?
Allen Iverson: NBA
"But we talkin' 'bout practice, man. What are we talkin' 'bout? Practice? We talkin' 'bout practice man. We talk...We talkin' 'bout practice. We talkin' 'bout practice. We ain't talkin' 'bout the game, we talkin' 'bout practice, man."
Sorry, I had to take a whizz. What were we talking about Allen?
Marv Cook: NFL
(While a member of the New England Patriots)
"We've got to find a way to win. I'm willing to start cheating."
Rumor has it Bill Belichick has this quote painted in the Patriots' locker room.
Charles Shackleford: NBA
"Left hand, right hand, it doesn't matter. I'm amphibious."
I may never quite understand how Shackleford's handedness and his ability to live on both land or water are related. All I know is I'm jealous.
Bob Uecker: MLB
"I didn't get a lot of awards as a player. But they did have a Bob Uecker Day Off for me once in Philly."
What would a list like this be without a classic Ueckerism?
George Robson: Racing
(On winning the 1946 Indy 500)
"All I had to do is keep turning left!"
Even an Indy 500 winner can't make IndyCar Racing sound exciting.
Jim Mora: NFL
"Playoffs?! Don't talk about playoffs! You kidding me?!"
The quote will forever live on in the blogosphere whenever any bold writer discusses his team's chances of making the...playoffs.
Mike Tyson: Boxing
(On his upcoming fight with Lennox Lewis)
"I am the most ruthless, brutal champion ever. There is no one who can match me... I want his heart. I
want to eat his children."
Terrell Owens: NFL
"Don't say I don't get along with my teammates. I just don't get along with some guys on my team."
We don't think you're an idiot, Terrell Owens. We think T.O. is.
Randy Moss: NFL
"When you're rich, you don't write checks...straight cash homey."
Andre Dawson: MLB
(On being a role model)
"I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
The following Sunday, during "Kids Run the Bases Night," Dawson was nowhere to be found.
Side note: OK, seriously, what the heck!?
George Brett: MLB
"If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out."
Dare I ask what it is like to win, George?
Winston Bennett: NBA
"I've never had major knee surgery on any part of my body."
Not even your knee?
Lou Duva: Boxing
“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”
My six o'clock starts at 11 o'clock. Who's with me!?!
George Rogers: NFL
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
I've never been to Georgia, but what the heck are you teaching people over there?
Babe Ruth: MLB
(When asked whether he should have a higher salary than the President)
"Why not? I had a better year than he did."
He has a point. Herbert Hoover hit zero home runs that season.
Yogi Berra: MLB
First off I want to say that if there was a sports-quote heaven, Yogi Berra would be God. It is that simple. Here are a few gems from Mr. Berra.
"Baseball is ninety-percent mental, the other half is physical."
"All pitchers are liars or crybabies."
"It's like deja vu all over again."
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"It gets late early out here."
Jason Kidd: NBA
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
The following conversation came shortly after:
Kidd's Agent: Hey uh Jason?
Kidd: Hello, my agent, what's up?
Kidd's Agent: Yeah well, about what you said today.
Kidd: So epic wasn't it!? Did you catch the part about us turning it around?
Kidd's Agent: Yeah, I was just wondering if you knew that a 360-degree angle is a complete circle...you'd end up facing the same direction.
Kidd's Agent: Yeah...
Kidd: We're turning this around!
Jerry Coleman: MLB
"There's a deep fly ball...Winfield goes back, back...his head hits the wall...it's rolling towards second base!"
WHAT JUST HAPPENED!?
Chances are I missed your favorite quote of all time. I'm not perfect, 25 is a generally small number compared to the thousands of idiotic sports quotes out there, and I didn't even have one soccer quote!
So I have a mission for all of you. Leave your favorite sports quote of all time in the comment section and berate me for leaving it off the list. Ready? Go!
P.S. I hope you all enjoy this lovely photo of Al Davis.
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