What's In a Name? Pacman Jones Explained

Matt PicchiettiContributor IOctober 22, 2008

There’s only one Adam “Pacman” Jones…thank god. The 25 year-old is a punk, plain and simple. He needs to be booted from the league and forced to get a job that his WVU education prepared him for. He was an Athletic Coaching Education major.

There’s a coaching major at WVU…an entire major! I would understand it as a minor; something that needed to be joined to something else.  I’m a coach too and all I had to do was take four-hour class, not a four-year curriculum (it was eerily similar to traffic school). This is a euphemism for a football major.  Whatever, he’s a good athlete; someone that others could exploit for money.

He’s also stupid enough to believe that he’s good enough that others would always be there to protect him. He, apparently, has not seen any of the Mike Vick trial…or the OJ trial…or the second OJ trial.  But is he really that bad of guy?

 I mean sure on: July 13, 2005 he was arrested and charged with assault and felony vandalism after a nightclub altercation.

And then in October of 2005 the state of West Virginia filed a petition stating that Jones had not been contacting his probation officer. Also, he did not report his above mentioned. The judge extended the probation for just 90 days. That was nice of him.

It seemed to have taught him his lesson because on March 23, 2006 he was charged with marijuana possession in Fayetteville, Georgia. I’m sure he had a prescription for it. Probably has glaucoma.

And who could forget August 25, 2006 when he was arrested for disorderly conduct and public intoxication? This one’s a classic. He was ordered by the cops to leave a Murfreesboro night club several times. Jones claimed a woman stole his wallet. The woman claimed that Jones spat on her.


I bet they were both right. The woman stole his wallet and then he spat on her…or, he spat on her so the woman stole his wallet. Either option is soooo good that I want to believe that it is possible for both to have happened on the same night at the same time. The cause-and-effect of it all doesn’t really matter, does it? Regardless, the judge told him to stay away from the club and tacked on additional six months of probation.

Which was really effective because on October 26, 2006 Jones was issued a citation for misdemeanor assault after a female student from Tennessee State University claimed that Jones spit in her face at a Nashville night club.

I’m sure she stole his wallet too.

But what’s a little spittle when you can make rain!!! On February 19, 2007 Jones was in the middle of a fight and shooting at a strip club in Las Vegas that left one man paralyzed and two more wounded. Jones showered strippers on stage with $81,000 dollars. The club owner claims Jones was beating a stripper’s head against the bar while threatening to kill one of the club’s employees.

I’m sure all of those involved tried to steal his wallet. Can’t they just leave him alone?

Sure he was suspended for a year, reinstated, and is in the process of screwing up again, but is he really that bad of a guy? Think about it these other Adam’s, Joneses and Pacman’s (Pacmen?)

There are about 397,083 people in the U.S. with the first name Adam. Statistically it’s the 143rd most popular first name.

Historically, other Adam’s have plagued mankind in worse ways than Pacman Jones:

The First Adam—The first man of God.  He ruined paradise for mankind after talking to a snake; gave women labor pains and made us all really self-conscious while naked. Thanks a lot, like I needed more to be self-conscious about. He was also a far cry from Father of the Year seeing that his son Cain killed is son Able. Good example, Adam; nice work. At least Pacman has yet to do any of that…as far as we know.

Adam Ant—Adam and the Ants recorded songs "Deutscher Girls" and "Plastic Surgery" and albums Dirk Wears White Sox. What, like no one remembers 1979?! Dirk Wears White Sox made history by being the first ever number one album on the first ever U.K. independent labels chart. Wow, two firsts!  Pacman Jones has not left any sort of musical legacy that anyone has to follow...or forget.

Adam Baldwin, Adam Carolla, and Adam Sandler—Collectively: Which-one-is-he-again-the-sort-of-famous-one? The guy on the Taco Bell commercials and of the good seasons of the Man Show.  And finally, a guy who is a better singer/song-writer than an actor…ouch.

Adam West—Batman and the mayor on The Family Guy. He’s got some serious range.

Adam’s are fine and dandy, but how about those Joneses?

There are 1,896,834 people in the U.S. with the last name Jones; statistically the 4th most popular last name.

Andruw Jones:                Not bad, until this season. 

Marion Jones:                  Fallen Olympic hero, cheater.

Jerry Jones:                     Adam Jones's boss. Weird.

Smarty Jones:                 A horse.

Chipper Jones:                HOF? I think so.

Deacon Jones:                Father of the head slap and the meanest

                                         looking SOB to ever wear a helmet.

James Earl Jones:           Darth Vader, Field of Dreams, The Sandlot.

Quincy Jones:                 Composed the Sanford and Son theme song and is                                             an entertainment  legend.

Tommy Lee Jones:          The other white guy on this list.                

You will not believe this!! There are fewer than 1,527 people in the U.S. with the first name Pacman. I would have put the over/under at about nine. ( I have a hard time that there are that many, but it’s on the Internet so it must be true. Is the naming of a child such a stressful event that Pacman is the fall back for 1500 people?

Pacman—In 1981 THE Pacman started a war that wages still. He is a glutton and prone to outburst of violence (sound familiar…hmmmmm?) which has left millions of ghosts running blue or as nothing but detached sets of eyes. He is one sick individual: power hungry, hungry hungry, wealthy (millions of copies sold since 1981), believes he’s untouchable, and is prone to mood swings when chemically altered.  Sound like someone we all know?

It all makes sense now doesn’t it? Adam Jones’ s Pacman is getting the best of him. Some people get their Irish up at times.  Jones’s inner-Pacman is just keepin’ it real. That’s all.

I hope Pacman can figure out a way to keep it less real so as to avoid having to get a more real job. I like that he’s away from reality. Let him keep his video game name and his video game life. What else is he going to do? Work for a living? With a name that’s born to play games, I doubt it. But what’s in a name?