WWE and President Obama Unite? My Dream Capitol Punishment Pay-Per-View
The picture shows President Obama announcing the death of international terrorist Osama bin Laden. Capital Punishment was applied to Bin Laden as he was gunned down by Navy Seals at his compound in Pakistan.
Ironically, President Obama has been heavily promoted in WWE's latest pay-per-view, Capitol Punishment. His caricature has been featured in a mock press conference leading up to this pay-per-view.
Capitol Punishment replaced doomed pay-per-view concept Fatal 4 Way. Capitol Punishment may not be a suitable long term pay-per-view unless it is always in Washington D.C. or any other state capital.
Instead of predicting what WWE will actually do, I will show my dream pay-per-view. I will not spare the expense of predicting the winners. With that I will start my realistic dream Capitol Punishment pay-per-view.
Notice I say realistic because I won't have Shawn Michaels face the Rock or John Cena job to Zack Ryder.
Rey Mysterio vs Alberto Del Rio vs R-Truth in a No. 1 Contender's Match
R-Truth is on fire right now. Truth's heel turn proves 90 percent of superstars are better off as heels. Chris Jericho wrote in his book Lion Heart that it is easier for the crowd to hate you than to love you. Thus a possible reason why R-Truth's heel turn has been so successful.
All three men have reason to hate each other. Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio have bad blood. R-Truth and Rey Mysterio fought each other at Over the Limit where R-Truth was victorious. R-Truth dissed Del Rio in a promo.
In reality, Del Rio is muddled in a feud with Kane and the Big Show. It is his destiny to get out of that feud as soon as possible.
This match captivates the Washington, D.C., audience to open the show. Destiny prevails as Del Rio puts Rey Mysterio in the cross arm-breaker. The master of the 619 taps just as R-Truth tries to break up the move.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
After the match, Kane and the Big Show lay out Alberto Del Rio. Maybe the feud isn't over. R-Truth also receives a chokeslam for his troubles.
Wade Barrett vs Ezekiel Jackson for the Intercontinental Championship
We all know the background to this feud. CORRE does a generic beat down on Big Zeke, leading up to Capitol Punishment.
It makes perfect sense to have an Englishman defend his Intercontinental Championship against a man from the obscure South American nation of Guyana.
Nevertheless, Washington, D.C., is the world leader in total spies residing there. Just another perk of the United States being a world leader. To prevent spying, or interference, it will be inside a steel cage.
Big Zeke slams Barrett repeatedly through the steel cage. Then he uses the Torture Rack, Lex Luger style, to become Intercontinental Champion.
Winner (and new champion): Ezekiel Jackson
Nikki Bella vs. Brie Bella (C) for the Divas Championship
Wouldn't we all want to see twins fighting for the butterfly? The referee is too confused to realize Brie was pinned but ends up rewarding the belt to Brie Bella. Nikki is furious. The crowd is laughing.
Winner (and still champion): Brie Bella
David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty vs Major Broskis vs CM Punk and Mason Ryan
This video is the first part of the TLC tag team match between the Dudley Boyz, the Hardy Boyz, and Edge and Christian at Wrestlemania XVII. Like this match, the classic match was for the WWE Tag Team Titles.
A three way tag team TLC match would keep the Washington D.C. fans on their feet. This match is between the team of Curt Hawkins and Zack Ryder, known as the Major Broskis, versus basically all of Nexus with tables, ladders, and chairs littered throughout the ring.
The unofficial handicap match makes it more compelling television. It sets up the possibility of someone on Nexus betraying the rest of the group. It makes it seem Nexus has all the odds in their favor to win the match.
Curt Hawkins pushes McGillicutty and Punk off a ladder on to several sets of tables just as Mr. Perfect's son was about to grab the belts. Primo comes out of nowhere and nails Mason Ryan with several chair shots to eliminate him as a threat. Scott Stanford sacrifices his body to prevent Otunga from climbing the ladder.
Internet Champion Zack Ryder goes up on the ladder and grabs the tag team titles.
Winner (and new champions): Major Broskis
After the match Zack Ryder, Primo, Curt Hawkins, and Scott Stanford officially form a stable right out of Superstars. Ryder declares the tag team titles will only be defended on Superstars.
Woo Woo Woo! You Know It!
Daniel Bryan vs Cody Rhodes
The thought of Daniel Bryan actually being in a pay-per-view is a mind blowing experience. The realization of Daniel Bryan actually being in a pay-per-view blows away my mind.
Imagine the potential of this feud? Both men have in-ring skills and a loyal following. Bryan's mic skills are underrated but Rhodes can carry the promo side of the feud. Ted DiBiase can continue to be the million dollar lackey of Rhodes. Bryan defeats DiBiase on Smackdown leading up to the match.
"If Daniel Bryan loses, we riot!" a fan's sign reads. "If only I could have thought of that. Paper bags over my head to prevent people seeing me." an adulterous politician says to himself.
Cody Rhodes demands if Bryan loses he must wear a paper bag saying, "I went from Internet hero to WWE zero. The best wrestler in the world is a jobber."
Just kidding. Rhodes does win, though.
Winner: Cody Rhodes
Jack Swagger vs Kofi Kingston (C) for the United States Championship
It makes perfect sense to defend the United States Championship in Washington, D.C.
After plenty of thrilling back and forth action, Jack Swagger makes Kofi Kingston submit to the ankle lock. The all-American American becomes the all-American United States Champion.
"A cheap knockoff of Kurt Angle becomes United States Champion," all the haters decry Swagger's victory.
Come on haters, what about when Swagger won the World Heavyweight Championship? Do you even remember that? Does he even remember that?
Winner (and new champion): Jack Swagger
The Miz vs. Alex Riley
This is a perfectly logical way to start a summer-long feud between Miz and his former apprentice Alex Riley. Riley as a face is the unknown factor here.
To support Riley's abrupt face turn, the fans are clearly behind him. Mic skills are clearly the strength of both the Awesome One and his former Communications Director.
WWE desperately needs more faces. Can you name the No. 3 face on Raw behind the chihuahua and the walking Popsicle? Can you name the No. 3 face on Smackdown behind Randy Orton and Christian? I rest my case.
Miz utilizes several underhanded tactics to get him the advantage. Riley also uses a couple of dirty tactics such as a low blow and an attempted shot to the head with a briefcase. Of course, the referee doesn't see any of this.
Eventually, Miz hits a Skull Crushing Finale on said briefcase to pick up the victory.
Randy Orton (C) vs Sheamus vs Christian for the World Heavyweight Championship
"The World Heavyweight Championship match will be a street fight!" Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long announces on the Smackdown right before Capitol Punishment.
Orton and Christian have great chemistry in the ring. While Orton and Sheamus have decent chemistry, their feud is a bit repetitive for a brand new pay-per-view. It will be tough for Orton-Sheamus-Christian to surpass the match quality of Orton-Christian or Orton-Sheamus. But it can at least surpass Great Khali-Hornswoggle.
After 20 minutes of PG-rated violence, the Celtic Warrior eats an RKO to win it for the Viper as Christian does not break up the pin in time.
Winner (and still champion): Randy Orton
The Raw GM will face John Cena for the WWE Championship on the next slide.
John Cena (C) vs. Batista for the WWE Championship
Leading up to the pay-per-view, the Raw General Manager laments over the lack of viable challengers for Cena's WWE Championship. Therefore the GM announces he will face John Cena for the belt at Capitol Punishment.
Speculation is rampant among the IWC over who the GM is. To aid the speculation, floating rumors peg Chris Jericho, Kevin Nash, Triple H, or a certain animal for the job.
There is a massive pop when the GM is finally revealed. "Batista is the anonymous Raw General Manager!" Michael Cole finally reveals the GM. "He quit the WWE over a year ago!"
Batista connects on two Batista bombs to win the WWE Championship in a great match.
Winner (and new champion): Batista
Capitol Punishment ends on an extremely high and shocking note.
2011 Captiol Punishment Recap
Capitol Punishment poses important questions going forward.
How long does Batista hold the WWE Championship? How will The Animal behave as Raw GM now he's revealed? When does CM Punk or Alberto Del Rio get a run with the strap?
Does John Cena win his inevitable rematch at Money in the Bank? What is the future of Nexus? Why do my pay-per-view predictions end up being so inaccurate?
Capitol Punishment shakes the swamp of Washington, D.C to its core. Raw will be worth tuning in to witness the aftermath of the pay-per-view.
Thanks for reading!