Calling Dan Aykroyd, Cubs Need a Bailout!

I love the Cubs, but I hate the Cubs.  More importantly, I hate the "fans" at Wrigley yesterday.  You could hear a pin drop in that place.  All old people and moneybags bought the entire place up.  And if they are gunna blame it on the cold?  Looks like the Dodgers were ok.  And you know what, when you have runners at first and second with two outs in the bottom of the 4th and your pitcher has gotten out of a couple lucky ones, feel free to pull him a half inning before you eventually do, because we could have used a bat with two men on, and that flailing that Dempster did at the plate was pathetic.  And I know, yea, he somehow pulled a hit out of his ass earlier in the game.  Wasn't going to happen twice.  And Manny, jebus, he makes their entire lineup look
insane.  Did Soriano take yesterday off.  0 for what?  4? 5?  Pathetic.  How about a mid game management of something other than the pitcher.  Its pretty obvious that Soriano has good games and bad games.  This was a bad game.  And don't start laughing Derrick Lee!  You barely did any better.  You too Soto, hang your head!  Thank you Mark DeRosa for showing up.  Glad you came to play today.  And finally, Lou Pinella.  Lou, butt munching Pinella.  If I saw you scratching your groin with one more shot at the dugout I would have fought traffic just to shake your little head.  I saw you sitting on the bench the entirety of the game.  Is it really that hard to stand up and stretch every once in a while.  Did the contract extension pull your focus towards the looming void of your own mortality?  Did you have a lot of stock in Lehman Brothers?  Were you still hung over from last night, sitting at the bar, talking crap to a naked picture of Sarah Palin at the Olde Town Ale House?  Was it simply impossible for
something or someone to break the nervous anticipation that engulfed Wrigley?  Did the entitled aristocats that got their seats pay too much to clap for a team that might not win the game?  I thought I was watching the end of 'Spys like Us' when the nuke had been launched and no one had any idea what to do, so they had sex while they contemplated the end of the world.  Except it wasn't funny because Dan Aykroyd never came out of the tent and figured out how to save the planet.  Lou sat in the Dugout, the deficit growing, the stock market crashing, Manny solos in the 7th, down three, Samarja gets lit off a routine send from third, another home run, Dow down 777
points.  Where is the bailout?  The government can't help you.  Dan Akroid can't help you.  The "fans" (corporate executives) can't help you.  This is when you look inside and see if there is anything or anyone left that has spirit and will RAGE AGAINST THE DYING OF THE LIGHT!!!!!!!!  And you tap into that person.  And ignore the 24 of 28
teams in the history of this little event that went on to win the series after taking the first game.

Next time they throw at you, take the pitch and get on base.  They do it
twice in a game, use your best judgement as to the appropriate response.  Pitch Manny inside, make him sweat.  Take out the second baseman and break up the double play, this is the playoffs.  When in doubt, gun a 95 fastball down the middle.  Get the third
strike right away.  I can count 7 batters who when down 0-2 were somehow able to force a walk.  Batters, at least 3 cuts an at-bat.  I saw Soto get one lonely flail to strike himself out, and he wasn't alone.  Derrik, lead them, Aramis, get your zen back.  Maybe even move you to lead off.  Soriano, pay-off time.  2-18 in the post season for
the Cubs will simply not do.   That's batting a .111.  Sweet job, get me Johnson in the outfield.  Soriano can sub in if someone else in struggling.  And Edmonds, BACK UP.  I know you don't think you have the gun so you like to play back up second base, but this isn't 16-inch softball, (a real sport), nor 12 inch softball (a non-real sport if you use a glove) this is baseball, and sometimes its hit pretty hard and that little maneuver you pulled with the ball jumping off the wall and bouncing over your head.   You looked silly.

So Cubbies, I hope you realize, this is your last chance to prove that you aren't a joke.  And I don't mean for history of 100 years, and I don't even mean for last season's debacle.  I mean if you don't win the next game, you are done.  When you are down three runs in the 7th, if you don't score you will be down the same number if not
more in the 9th.  Simple math, win or go home.  So GO GET THAT WIN!