Comparing Female Pop Stars to NFL QBs

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Comparing Female Pop Stars to NFL QBs
As I was watching football last week, it struck me how similar the life of an NFL quarterback is to the life of a female pop star.  Both have millions of screaming fans.  Both have a vast and varied wardrobe.  Both are forced to run an effective two minute drill.  Both wear obnoxious amounts of makeup.  So without further ado, here is who various NFL quarterbacks would be if they were famous female pop stars.

Jessica Simpson = Donovan McNabb

"Is this chicken or tuna?" - Jessica Simpson

Like Jessica, McNabb's popularity peaked about four years ago.  Both have not been the same since being separated from their partners, Terrell Owens and Nick Lachey.  Both have been consistently good but have never been the best at their fields.

Key Similarity: Both have been humiliated on national television.

Key Difference: Donovan McNabb would not look good in Daisy Duke's shorts.

Katy Perry = Derek Anderson

"I kissed a girl and I liked it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind it." - Katy Perry

Both appear to have been one hit wonders after exploding on to the scene last year.  Both were inspired by Joan Jett and Janis Joplin.

Key Similarity: Both have been wildly disappointing since their first hit.

Key Difference: I doubt that Derek Anderson even has a boyfriend, so he's free to kiss all the girls that he wants.

Beyonce Knowles = Tom Brady

"To the left, to the left, everything you own in a box to the left." - Beyonce Knowles

Both are simply the best.  Both have spouses that are just as famous as they are.  Both have parented children out of wedlock.

Key Similarity: Both can be accurately described as "bootylicious."

Key Difference: Beyonce Knowles has two working ACLs and two working MCLs.

Rihanna = Tony Romo

"That was quite a show oooh-oh, very entertaining, but its over now, go on and take a bow." - Rihanna

Both are superstars who came on to the scene a couple years ago and appear to be here to stay.  Both could have been pro golfers.

Key Similarity: Disturbia, Ain't used to what you like, Disturbia

Key Difference: Rihanna has never dated Jessica Simpson, as far as we know.

Madonna = Brett Favre

"I've given everything I possibly can give to this organization, to the game of football, and I don't think I've got anything left to give, and that's it. I know I can play, but I don't think I want to." - Madonna

Neither one will give up.  Both were extremely popular in the 1990s. 

Key Similarity: Both express their sexuality through music.

Key Difference: Brett Favre plays for the Jets, Madonna still has her dignity.

Britney Spears = Jon Kitna

"I’m not that innocent." - Britney Spears

Both are clinically insane.  Both have had surprisingly successful careers.

Key Similarity: Both are required to wear strait jackets to their prospective professions.

Key Difference: Britney Spears has always had hair, oh wait never mind.

Shakira = Drew Brees

"My hips don’t lie and I’m starting to feel you boy." - Shakira

Both are overshadowed by their more successful counterparts despite being consistently talented.  Both try to avoid beautiful liars.

Key Similarity: Shakira and Drew Brees both have collaborated with Wyclef Jean.

Key Difference: Shakira is a female pop star.  Drew Brees is a starting quarterback in the NFL.  Duh!

Missy Elliot = Ben Roethlisberger

"This is for my ghetto motherf***ers!" - Ben Roethlisberger

Both are umm…husky?  Both are extremely talented.  Both saw that Jerome Bettis won a Super Bowl in his hometown of Detroit.  What a story!!

Key Similarity: Both appear in public primarily in track suits.

Key difference: Missy Elliot is more courageous in stepping up in the pocket and finding the open receiver.

So as you can see, the similarities between pop stars and quarterbacks are eerie.  In fact, I propose that we start a TV show that involves all of these people switching places. It could be an improvement to have Beyonce take over the starting position on the Pats, and I’d love to see Derek Anderson live in concert. FOX, get on that. 

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