Charlie Sheen is a huge sports fan. He is also completely and utterly delusional.
We are talking about a man who could be on top of the acting world, if he knew how to act appropriately. I have always said that even celebrities and athletes have the right to do what they want on their own time, but this guy is insane!
Sheen is the star of his own sitcom, Two and a Half Men. It is based loosely on his life. Actually, the character he plays, who is a womanizing, gambling alcoholic, is in fact far more tame than the man Sheen is in real life.
But there are similarities. Both are huge sports fans. They both bet on games as often as possible. They love hookers, alcohol and degenerate behavior.
Yet Charlie Harper is much more down to earth than Charlie Sheen. That would not come as a shock to anyone who knows Sheen, although the character is quite awful as well.
Did I mention that I actually enjoy the show?
Anyway, Sheen recently has gone off about every topic under the sun. He has challenged the creator of his show to a fight inside the Octagon (not sure if Chuck Lorre has accepted). He went on to say that he has "tiger blood and Adonis DNA" running through his veins.
"Not a day that cost anybody any money," Sheen said in the Today Show interview. "I missed practice. We're talking about practice. To quote the great Allen Iverson, practice. Come on guys we're talking about practice."
Thinking about that famous quote, I started to think about what other famous athlete quotes that Sheen could channel right now that would be fitting.
“I wanna kiss you. I couldn't care less about the team struggguulliing…We're looking to make a noise now and ... I wanna kiss you!”
Namath was referring to ESPN sideline reporter Suzy Kolber.
He, of course, was inebriated at the time.
Not to say that you would have to be to want to kiss Suzy Kolber, but Joe had quite the drinking problem.
Did I mention that this interview took place live on the air during a game?
"They should have focused more on me."
Telfair was talking about a documentary that was done called "Through the Fire."
It was about Telfair.
Sheen would say this about the prostitutes he had in a hotel room in Cabo.
“I ain't gonna be no escape-goat!"
Maybe that was what Malone used to say at the free throw line. I never could understand what he used to mouth before he took a shot.
Of course, I also never understood him when he conducted an interview either.
Sheen would use this as an excuse for when his show is officially cancelled.
"Just tip my cap and call the Yankees my daddy."
Pedro said it as a member of the Boston Red Sox, in admitting defeat so many times at the hands of the New York Yankees.
Sheen would have to change Yankees to drugs, alcohol and hookers.
"When you're rich, you don't write checks. Straight cash, homey."
Moss was fined many times for on and off the field antics. Sheen said he would pay the crew while he was on his little hiatus.
Not sure if anyone can vouch for that.
"Don't say I don't get along with my teammates. I just don't get along with some of the guys on the team."
The original "all about me" receiver and Sheen actually have a lot in common.
Owens can't get along with the quarterbacks who make him what he is, and Sheen can't get along with the creator who makes his show.
"I don't know what a game face looks like."
Sheen doesn't know what a sober face looks like.
"Don't call me Chris."
That was in response to talk show host Jim Rome attempting humor, calling Jim Everett Chris, after the tennis player. Even though Chris's last name was Evert, not Everett.
Sheen told reporters "Don't call me Carlos." That is his given name.
"I'm a Man!"
Oklahoma State football coach decreed that to the media after they continued to knock his quarterback. He asked that they instead go after him.
Sheen said the same thing when asked which type of prostitute he would prefer. He felt as if he needed to clarify.
"&%%#$ $** #$@@!"
That was cleaned up for the readers of all ages. It is from when she went off on an official during her 2009 U.S. Open semifinal matchup with Kim Clijsters.
Those were probably similar words uttered by Sheen to any one of his ex wives or girlfriends. He gets along quite well with the hookers.
"You play to win the game."
That was in response to a foolish question by a member of the media.
Sheen's was slightly different.
He said "I drink and do drugs to get drunk and high."
"Playoffs? Playoffs! Playoffs! You kidding me? Playoffs?
Evidently, Mora didn't feel that his Colts would make the playoffs.
Again, Sheen's rant was slightly altered.
"Rehab? Rehab! Rehab! You %$#& kidding me? Rehab?"