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You'd probably think anything that Lou Holtz says could have the potential for winding up on the "Top 15 Funniest College Football Quotes", but lo and behold, I've heard and found some other good ones, as well! 15) "At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat...

Top 15 Funniest College Football Quotes

by Ben Weixlmann (Senior Writer)

61

15,595 reads

Rankings/List

September 17, 2008


You'd probably think anything that Lou Holtz says could have the potential for winding up on the "Top 15 Funniest College Football Quotes", but lo and behold, I've heard and found some other good ones, as well!

15) "At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money, and we don't have any." -Erik Russell.

14) "Motivation is simple, you eliminate those who aren't motivated." -Sweet Lou Holtz

13) "They whipped us like a tied up goat." -Spike Dykes

12) "We didn't tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking." -John McKay

11) "I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades." -Duffy Daugherty

10) "If lessons were learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education." -Murray Warmath

9) "After you retire, there's only one big event left...and I ain't ready for that." -Bobby Bowden

8) "Football is not a contact sport. It is a collision sport. Dancing is a good example of a contact sport." -Duffy Daugherty

7) "I'm really happy for Coach Cooper and the guys who have been around here six or seven years, especially our seniors." -Bob Hoying

6) "To hell with Notre Dame!" -Bo Schembechler

5) "Gentlemen, it is better to die a small boy than to fumble this football." -John Heisman

4) "A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall." -Frank Leahy

3) "I've found prayers work best when you have big players." -Knute Rockne

2) "Hawaii doesn't win many games in the United States." -Lee Corso

1) "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." -Torrin Polk

 

Wow, someone needs to give Lee Corso a geography lesson!

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61 comments Last one added 9 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Jeff Kneis 9 months ago

    I think the problem is that Lee Corso is like 180 years old and forgot Hawaii became a state like 60 years ago.

    Great collection of quotes. I look forward to Lou Holtz adding to this list in the future.

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  2. Larry Sigurdson 9 months ago

    Hi Ben,

    Good ones all. Especially like the Lee Corso quote. I wonder what country Lee believes Hawaii is in? Mexico maybe?

    Good job (as always)!

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    • Ben Weixlmann 9 months ago

      I know, if I ever see Corso and get one question to ask him, I will ask where Hawaii is located. I mean, honestly, that's unbelievable.

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  3. Dan Boss 9 months ago

    Nice article. Brought a little excitement to my boring dragging work day. Lee Corso should retire even before Joe Pa. Some of the things he says just blows my mind.

    Apparently people who say all Ohio St. football players don't major in anything are wrong. According to Hoying, they must all be doctors after 7 years. Or they serve in a modern day Animal House.

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  4. Jacob Fish 9 months ago

    "What type of car does Jim Tres. Own??....Loyd Carr" #1 quote..yes

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    • Ben Weixlmann 9 months ago

      You would say that. Wow. I hope the "I'm really happy for Coach Cooper and the guys who have been around here six or seven years, especially our seniors." sufficed for now :)

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  5. Michael Wagner 9 months ago

    "We didn't tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking."-John McKay

    Wow that is Classic...

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  6. Lisa Horne 9 months ago

    Corso and Mackay's were the best. LMAO. Good stuff.

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  7. Gray Ghost 9 months ago

    Funny stuff Ben! BTW, It's Erk Russell, rather than Erik Russell, who was Ga. Southern. Good read!

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  8. Micah Green 9 months ago

    HAH! POTD that was funny #1 is classic.

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  9. J.C. Ayvazi 9 months ago

    Good stuff here Ben.

    I remember McKay quote while he was in the NFL during Tampa Bay's first season, but that's not to say he didn't use it previously.

    I do remember when asked about having O.J. Simpson carry the ball so much responding, "Why not, it's not heavy."

    Tried to find a quote from Larry Smith, who when fired said something along the lines of USC not being able to dominate like they did in the past. All I could find was, "Names and logos don't mean anything. You don't beat someone just because of your name and logo."

    Well, not with you coaching them Larry. I will never forget him making the not being able to dominate line just after cleaning out his office at Heritage Hall, wearing a POWDER BLUE sweat suit.

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    • Ben Weixlmann 9 months ago

      Thanks for the response, JC! Very helpful as always!

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    • Mitch at sportschatplace.com 9 months ago

      The Mckay quote was definitely from his days in Tampa, I believe the same year when he was asked about his team's execution and he said he was in favor of it.
      this is typical Ben stuff, heard it all a zillion times before

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    • J.C. Ayvazi 9 months ago

      Come on MM - every time I hear that execution line, I'm just like The Joker - "I get a grin, again"

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    • Ben Weixlmann 9 months ago

      MM, not sure what you have against me, but there never seems to be anything said that is constructive towards my articles when you comment. Everyone else says they got a laugh, but you bring up anything negative possible.

      I respect you as a very wise and intelligent CFB mind, but I just think it would be more efficiently used if you helped people rather than brought them down.

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    • Mitch at sportschatplace.com 9 months ago

      Sorry Ben, I just think you NEVER have anything insightful to bring to the table and are more about shameless self promotion.

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    • Ben Weixlmann 9 months ago

      Think what you want, but you're obviously in the minority.

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  10. Chris Radez 9 months ago

    Good Stuff Ben! Thanks for the laugh!

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  11. Timothy Croley 9 months ago

    Good stuff Ben. Loved the Corso line. BabyTate had a similar article a while back. It's always good to get a good laugh or too in to start the day.

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  12. Paul Ballard 9 months ago

    One of the best quotes I've heard was from Bum Phillips when asked if he was running the great Earl Campbell too much when he played for the Oilers. The reporter noted to Bum that Earl was getting up slowly from tackles. Bum replied, "he goes down slow, too."

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  13. Shawn Withrow 9 months ago

    This was really funny. Thanks, I needed that!

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  14. Dorothy Willis 9 months ago

    Absolutely love your list. With #4 that could be a stucy hall or a basketball centered college like Braley Univ. where I graduated the year of their last football season.

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  15. Kenneth Julian III 9 months ago

    McKay was the king of quotes he had a great one when he went to the NFL. When a reporter asked him how he felt about his team's execution He simply said "I am in favor of it." great stuff. Erk Russell was one of the best coaches not national known.

    And Lou Holtz is always good for a great quote even away from Notre Dame.

    "It's a shamesty", this was said when referring to the penalty called during the Washington/BYU game. Or the classic, "Don't tell people about your problems, because 90 percent of them don't care and the other ten percent are glad you have them."

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  1. Michael Collins 9 months ago

    Very funny, Ben. Thanks for the article. Remember Hollywood Henderson describing Terry Bradshaw's intelligence: "He couldn't spell cat if you spotted him the C and the T."

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    • Ben Weixlmann 9 months ago

      Yeah I definitely remember that. As a matter of fact, someone made a point of that to Bradshaw (Frank Caliendo) in his NFL Picks last week!

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  2. Thomas 9 months ago

    sorry i took so long to look at this Ben. lol, it's great. Good work.

    I'll be taking college football off my list.

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  3. Ryan Staab 9 months ago

    I think Lou Holtz is one of the only saving graces of ESPN's college football coverage. That man is a national treasure. Great article!

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  4. Jimmy Grappone 9 months ago

    When is ESPN going to put Holtz and Ditka on the air at the same time? I wish I could remember the ludicrous comment that "Sweet Lou" made on air during a broadcast last season that left everyone scratching their heads...it was a halftime comment during an ESPN broadcast...it'll come to me.

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  5. James Stover 9 months ago

    I always liked the Duane Thomas Super Bowl quote: "Why do they call it the ultimate game if they are going to play it again next year/"

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  6. Ryan Gemmell 9 months ago

    Going off what James said, can we get a top 15 lee corso and top 15 Lou Holtz comments? JoePa probably has a great collection too...

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  7. Austin Penny 9 months ago

    funny stuff man, good work

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  8. Matt Eurich 9 months ago

    Where is "I'm a MAN - I'M FORTY!"

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  9. Jeremy Rushing 9 months ago

    Great read, my favorite was actually the 15th one but i thought all of them were funny. I remember watching Baseball Tonight a few years back when Dusty Baker was an analyst, and they were showing a highlight where a player got injured. John Kruck: "It looks like a knee to me" Karl Ravich: It may have been an ankle" The Genius Dusty Baker "He definitely dd somethin!". I know this is about College Football but i just figured i would share a funny quote.

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  10. matthew adreasen 9 months ago

    DR. LOU FOR PRES. Louie has my write-in vote.

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  11. SportMonk 9 months ago

    Hilarious.

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  12. cliff Leary 9 months ago

    Not a football quote but after a wrestling match that we had won no less our coach told us"You guys wrestled like cows pissing on flat rocks!" After he stormed out we all busted out laughing. Classic

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