Auburn vs. Oregon: The Brent Musberger BCS Championship Drinking Game
The BCS National Championship Tigers-Ducks high scoring shoot out is finally here. And you probably have a big thirst. A big 34 days in the waiting man-sized beer glugging thirst.
Fear not, froth-mouths, for here is the Silliman drinking game to quench your yearnings, designed to satiate even the most parched alcoholics. If you haven't passed out by halftime, you weren't paying attention.
Get your mugs ready and saddle-up next to your plasmas, pardners, you're got some football to chug to:
The Pardner Has To Point To a Pardner
Rule # 1:
Choose someone to be your "Pardner."
This is a very social game. If you can't handle having a "Pardner" walk away right now. Loners need not play.
It is not required you kiss your "Pardner." If you wish to add that, it's up to you.
Whenever Brent Musburger says "Pardner" your Pardner high fives you, then takes a drink.
After five "pardners" your pardner can choose someone else to be his or her pardner. This is done by pointing and calling out "Pardner."
"Hold On Folks"
Rule # 2:
Whenever Brent says "Hold on, Folks" you take two drinks.
This may happen when Cam or James makes a spectacular play but a flag has been thrown. The camera zeros in on the flag and Brent exclaims "Hold on, Folks!"
It can also happen whenever Brent is peeking at his special Erin-Cam (named after Erin Andrews with a lens in the shape of a keyhole) and he spots some excessive cuteness on the part of Ms. Andrews.
"Hold on, Folks" is always worthy of two drinks.
"Kirk, My Man"
Rule # 3:
Whenever Brent says "Kirk, my man" you have to hold your nose while drinking. You don't have to chug it.
If you chugged it every time you hear a "Kirk, my man" your bar tab will pay my medical bills. And you don't want to know...
Just remember, hold your nose and take a small swallow. You don't want to drown. Nobody wants the last words they heard before drowning to be "Kirk, my man."
"Let's Hear It From..."
Rule # 4:
If you hear Brent say "Let's hear from Tom Rinaldi" you must stand, cling your mugs, shout out "Ri-nal-di" and chug it.
Then everyone plops back down in unison and when the cushions let out a big whoosh you all yell "Ri-nal-di."
Whoever doesn't yell "Ri-nal-di" has to buy the next round.
When Brent Mentions University of Phoenix Stadium
Rule # 5
Here's a pass the drink to your "Pard-ner" occasion.
If Brent says "beautiful University of Phoenix stadium" everyone hold up your University of Phoenix degree. If you don't have it with you, a class ring or fraternity paddle will do. If no paddle, a letter jacket will suffice if you're a University of Phoenix jock.
If you have none of those things just say "Screw you, Brent" and pass your drink to your "pardner."
Rule # 6
The words "Phil Knight" as in sugar-daddy benefactor for all things "Ducky" will be a chug-chug moment.
At some point the squire of Nike will be mentioned. Either Brent will take special note of the Oregon uniforms, the color combos, the special materials or talk about the uber nice dressing rooms and then tell us how much "PHIL KNIGHT" loves Oregon.
Whenever Musburger says "Phil Knight" the "pardners" stand with their glasses ready to chug-chug while everyone else is saying "Just do it! Just do it!"
If you have a video camera with you and wish your pardner to be an immediate internet idiot, this is the time. Remember the kids from South Carolina in the Borat movie? Your "pardner" can have his own Borat moment.
"Cam Newton...That Man Again"
Rule # 7
If you hear the words "that man again" and the words "Cam Newton" it's an occasion to drink. You don't have to sing one of the many Cam Newton songs but it's proper.
We suggest "That Man of Mine" fits.
Or if you're a little more upset about Cam's status you might wish to sing "Son of a Preacher Man" popularized by "Moonpie."
Sing a song and take a song.
"It's a Footrace!"
Rule # 8
Many times tonight Brent will exclaim"It's a footrace!"
When he does you raise your glass, down the drink unless a tackle is made.
If a tackle is made, you say "Sorry about that, Brent!" and drink your drink anyway.
If you've been following the rules, you're wasted by now. You missed the last two touchdowns because you had to see a man about a horse. Your bladder's not build for this game, especially as fast as these guys score.
Be sure you have a designated driver. Hopefully, he's not your "pardner."
If he is, just say "Damn you, Musburger," when the cops are pulling you over.
When the cop is walking up, say to your pardner "There's that man again!"
If he asks you if you've been drinking, just say "Ri-nal-di."
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